Day 12 - Dystonia and Boasting

For years, I have been highly embarrassed to have dystonia and being honest: I'm still embarrassed. Not so much of having dystonia, but of having to use a walker. However, just within the last week or so, something has been stirring within me. Actually, I don't think it's a "something", I know it's a "Someone". God's urging me to be bold and courageous, to "step up to the plate", to not be a shrinking violet, but to shine like a star for Him. I've spent too many years in the shadows trying to hide. Maybe my greatest testimony will be dealing with dystonia (among other things). Truth be told, I've always wanted to be famous. But, I'm pretty sure, I didn't phrase it right to God, because instead of being a famous movie star, I'm now "famous" for being the girl with the walker - ha! I say all this because I do see myself (unfortunately) likely to boast. I don't want to boast, unless it's boasting in the Lord. My friend, Allie shared with me this week 2 Corinthians 12. I have been mulling over it ever since.

2 Corinthians 12:5(b)-10
"I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. (6) Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, (7) or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. (8) Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. (9) But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.(10) That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Don't get me wrong, I am no Paul! But his words do ring true to me. I have cried out to the Lord to take the dystonia away from me. I am thankful for this "thorn in the flesh", if only because it does keep me humble and it does keep me close to Jesus. I'm always praying! I also do not want to be conceited. I never in a million years thought to boast about my weaknesses. I am too busy trying to cover them up most of the time. But the Lord does say to boast in them that His power may rest on us. His power is made PERFECT in our weaknesses. I just can't get over that - it so awesome!! I keep repeating it to myself. So, in order for HIS power to be made perfect, I must boast about my weakness (the very thing I want to hide).

I was talking to my friend, Savannah yesterday and she was saying that I have a great attitude about things. But don't be deceived, friends. I'm just as likely (even more so) as most to have a bad day. Mom and Dad have always said I'm their melancholic child and it's true! I have a very melancholy personality. I don't always praise Jesus and I don't always act like an inspiration or any of the other words you've used to describe me. Sometimes, I'm just a girl trying to get by in a world that's full of sin. Sometimes, I'm treading water, just hoping to survive :)

However, I do have something "special". I have dystonia. I have this blog. So, in some small way, I hope that me blogging about dystonia and (after this month) random things, that I can be a blessing to someone. I don't feel like I'm that great of a person (in fact, most of the times, it's just the opposite - I know the sins I've committed!), but I hope I can inspire someone, somewhere to live for Jesus.

After all these years (it'll be 10 next year since I started exhibiting symptoms of dystonia), I think God is saying it's time for me to get past the embarrassment stage and move on to the empowering stage. So, that's what I hope to do - I hope to empower others to live for Jesus, let the naysayers be naysayers and in the words of Taylor Swift "Shake it off" and in so doing, I hope to shine like a star for Jesus!