Wednesday, December 26, 2018

Tune-In-Tuesday (but on a Wednesday): December 26, 2018 Christmas Edition

Merry Christmas!! I did not post yesterday, even though it was a Tuesday, because it was CHRISTMAS and I fully enjoyed the day with my family. Christmas is a magical, blessed time of year and I am most certainly blessed with the family that God allowed me to be born into!

Although I had such a blessed and fun Christmas, walking was terrible, especially Christmas Eve. I've fallen twice since I last posted. Once was pretty funny. I was at my house and my brother, niece, Mom and Dad had come over to see all my Christmas decorations. As my brother and niece were leaving, my niece wanted me to curl up in this soft Christmas blanket I have, so I did. :) They left and I was still talking with my parents. When I got up to say goodbye to them, my legs got all caught up in the blanket and I tripped and fell, but it was the softest landing ever! That blanket, although it caused me to fall, redeemed itself!! The other fall happened on Christmas Eve after I got home from all the Christmas Eve services. I had not been walking well at all and I just took a knee in the kitchen. That hurt a little more, but again, I was fine. I really truly believe that when I get super excited about things, walking becomes all that more difficult. However, I did NOT let it ruin Christmas!!

Christmas Eve is the most holy, precious time at church. I have to say (and yes, I may be bragging a little bit, but it's also 100% true), I think we have the most beautiful Christmas Eve services. I love them so much, I go to all three!

There was a Christmas Eve a few years back that I will never forget. It was one for the record books and one of the most memorable. I had just had brain surgery on December 19 to insert a shunt because at that time my doctors thought I had hydrocephalus. The surgery and recovery were a little more than I had expected to say the least. December 24 was my first time out of the house since the surgery and looking back, I completely overdid it, but it was well worth it. I enjoyed all 3 services at church and had a huge dinner at my grandparents house. After dinner, although I was feeling a little puny, I decided I wanted to go to the 11pm Christmas Eve service with Holy Communion. After having just taken Communion, I sat back down the in the pew, turned to Mom and said, "I think I'm going to throw-up." She immediately told me to run to the bathroom. So I did. I "ran" as fast as I could (and probably the fastest I had moved since having walking problems). I made it to the bathroom before throwing up. Just as I started to throw-up, I heard a voice say, "Stephanie, are you alright?". It was my friend, Kaitlyn. Her dad, Mitch, sent her in after me as he saw me running to the bathroom. If I remember correctly, she came in and held my hair back for me. That's a friend. :) By the time I made it out of the bathroom, the service was over. My mom asked my brother, Stanton to drive me home (well, not my home, but my parent's home where I was recovering.). He did, but as soon as he hit their driveway I opened the car door (which he yelled at me for - haha! I couldn't wait until he got all the way up and stopped the car.) and I threw up all up and down my parent's driveway. By the time my dad got home, he was way too exhausted to clean the puke up so he told my mom he would do it in the morning before everyone arrived to celebrate. The only thing was, the throw-up froze to the driveway and my poor dad had to get a shovel and get it all up. I laid flat that entire Christmas trying NOT to throw-up anymore. It was definitely a memorable Christmas that year, if not necessarily for the right reasons! This Christmas, Kaitlyn and Mitch were there again at church and we had a great laugh at that memory from years ago. Kaitlyn's married now had to fill her husband in on all the details. Thankfully, this Christmas, there was no throwing up!!

Another Christmas Eve memory I have was when I was a teenager and I actually caught my hair on fire. This is the reason my dad continually warns people to not dip a burning candle to light an unlit candle and for mothers and fathers to watch that their kids don't set their hair on fire. OK, maybe that's not why he warns them, but it did happen to me! I leaned over to show my brother where we were in the bulletin and my hair went up in flames! I quickly extinguished it, but my hair smelled like rotten eggs the rest of the night! Leave it to the preacher's kid to create the memorable moments on Christmas Eve. ;)

I hope everyone reading this had a blessed Christmas. I know that I am blessed. I am thankful to be alive. I am thankful for those that come beside me and help me when I need it. I am blessed that from the Christmas Eve I threw up all over the place to Christmas Eve 2018, I have gotten so much better. Oh yes, I still have many problems walking and in life in general (don't we all?!), but I know where my hope, peace, love and life come from and that, my friends, is the greatest blessing of all. As I always say (and believe down to my core): God's Got This!

Wednesday, December 19, 2018

19 years ago on the 19th at age 19

I knew there was something I was forgetting to write about in yesterday's "Tune-In-Tuesday" post, but it didn't come to me until today. I almost updated yesterday's post, but then decided this needed a post of its own. If you're reading this and you read yesterday's post too, bless you!

December 19, 1999 which was 19 years ago today, I was a 19-year-old college sophomore who had just returned home for Christmas break. Little did I know then that my Christmas break would be no break at all. Mom and I were involved in what could have been a fatal car accident, but by God's grace was not!

There's no way to say conclusively, but every neurologist I've seen has tried to play "Monday morning quarterback". We have no way of knowing 100%, but that accident could have been the catalyst to me developing dystonia. Again, there's no way to pin everything on that accident, nor do I want to do that, but it's one theory.

Thankfully, I don't remember the accident at all. The only thing I remember is waking up in the hospital and someone suggesting I might need surgery. I freaked out at that idea. Had I known then that in the 19 years following, I'd have more than my share of surgeries, maybe I wouldn't have freaked out as much, but then again, knowing myself all too well, I would have still freaked out. In the end, I didn't need surgery. My main, most painful injury was a fractured pelvis. I had been knocked unconscious, but being 19 at the time, I was more concerned about the pain right then and there and nothing else.

For those that know me well, you know I love anything medical. Why this is, I don't know, but I was kind of upset that I don't remember the "jaws of life" being used to extract me from the car, or the ambulance ride to the hospital with lights and sirens or the ER visit or really any of the doctors who treated me (why must they round at such ungodly hours of the night and day?!), yet at the same time, I am eternally grateful that I don't remember any of that. I would have panicked! God's there in every detail whether big or small, so He knew I wouldn't be able to handle those situations. I can only handle them when it's happening to someone else and when it's not happening to any of my family members.

The memories I have of the hospital stay are mainly good. I remember that I had a male nurse who looked like he could have been a football player. He'd sweep me up in one fell swoop and gently lay me down again on the bed. Back then, I was a little "thick" (OK, fat...that freshman 15 was more like 50 and then sophomore year came and with it, more pounds!). I remember he told me that he and his wife had just had a little boy and it would be his first Christmas that year. To think back on that means that this year that nurse's baby boy is now the age I was when in the hospital - wow. I remember Marvin W., a member of my church, got me a stuffed bear from the hospital gift shop and I still have it to this day. I remember Cheri S. (another member of my church), sat with me all day, every day, until I was discharged on Christmas Eve. I remember Oma (my maternal grandmother) spending each night with me until I was discharged. My dad couldn't be with me because he was with my mom who had the same injuries I did (fractured pelvis), but was at a different hospital. I remember employees of the hospital coming by my room and singing Christmas carols. I remember Jill buying me a new sweater because mine had been destroyed in the accident. I remember the totally hot physical therapist that attended to me. It was a good thing he was so cute, because he inflicted pain that I never want to experience again, all in the name of getting me better. I remember all the visits I got from all my friends. I remember the paramedics who extracted me from the car came by and told me they were sorry for yelling at me. I laughed because I didn't remember them yelling, but then got embarrassed because I must have been doing something wrong. They said I was moving a lot and they wanted me to remain as still as possible. Good thing I don't remember that.

Nineteen years have come and gone. Now, my brother, Stanton is an ER doctor at the very ER I was taken to back then. I still love all things medical. In fact, my brother gave me a tour of his ER last year and I saw the trauma bay. It's SO MUCH BETTER to be on the "touring" side of the ER than the patient in the ER. ;) I've had my share of surgeries since then. I've had my share of ups and downs since then, but looking back, all I can say is that I'm incredibly blessed. Blessed to be alive. Blessed my mom is alive. Blessed by the doctors and nurses and staff that took care of me. Blessed by the friends I have. Blessed to be walking. Blessed that back then and to this day, God's Got This!


Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Tune-In-Tuesday: December 18, 2018

In last week's post I said walking was good. In this week's post, I'll say walking was tolerable, but not the best. I didn't let it keep me from enjoying life, but it wasn't as great as the week before. Again, I have no idea why as nothing changed. But, oh well. Such is life! I didn't fall and that is always, always, always a good thing! It took me longer to get around and I felt like I was going to fall, but it was more of a nuisance than anything else.

Yoga has been so, so good for me. I can't explain it other than I started it at just the right time and it's been a huge blessing. The week after Christmas will mark a year that I've been doing it almost every week. My instructor is the best and not only have I learned yoga from her, but I've learned about life from her as well. I was teasing her the other day saying that I can't believe she's 10 years younger than me because I feel like in many ways she's wiser than I am. ;)

Again, I'm going to keep this post short as my house is a wreck because there are Christmas presents everywhere that I've been slowly but surely wrapping and if you're like me, you just don't have time to read a long post. :)

I'll close by saying that even when walking is a struggle for me, it only serves to remind me that I love and serve a big God who can turn even problems walking into teachable lessons in this thing we call life. I'm dealing with nothing when I stop and realize how many of my friends and acquaintances are dealing with so much worse. I am most certainly blessed to know that God's Got This!

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Tune-In-Tuesday: December 11, 2018

I'm so happy to report that since last Friday, I seem to be walking so much better! Just like that. There's no reason, no explanation, no differences in medication or deep brain stimulation, it just happened. Praise Jesus! I am so, so very thankful to God. Walking may never be 100% for me (but then again, God's in the business of miracles, so you never know!), but I'm grateful for good days where I see glimpses of how walking was meant to be. It's very hard to explain how I feel when walking or trying to walk, so I'm not even going to try, but when walking is "normal", I try to savor every second of it.

I'm keeping this post short and sweet tonight because, walking is good, it's Christmas time and I know we all have lots to do and God's Got This!

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Tune-In-Tuesday: December 4, 2018

As I started to title this post, I almost wrote, Turn-It-Up-Tuesday...should I take that as a sign that I should turn the electricity up in my deep brain stimulation device?! ;) I've been contemplating if I should or not, and as of this moment, I haven't. Nothing has happened to sway me either way, it's just at times I think to myself, "I should be farther along." Ha! Only God's able to take care of that. No one's put that thought in my head other than myself, but as the year starts to wind down, I think how it will be 3 years in February when I had the deep brain stimulation done and yeah, I start to think, "I should be farther along." However, should I really be? Or should I be content with what has already happened? Or both? I don't know. I am exceedingly blessed to be where I am today - exceedingly - but being who I am, I always want more. Ugh! I don't believe that there is anything wrong in wanting to better one's self, however there is a fine line between that and being content in what is. I haven't found that balance yet. I saw this on Facebook and had to borrow it. It's been rolling around in my head. Again, I found it on Facebook, I didn't hear it in church - haha:


I FINALLY got a haircut this past Saturday. I was starting to lose curl in my hair and it just looked "blah", so I got it cut and now the curl is back - yay! I am very, very thankful for hair. It's a simple pleasure you don't know how much you love until it's not there anymore. So, if you have hair, treasure it! If you don't have hair, embrace that too - it's who and how God wants you to be.

This post has been all over the place! I didn't know what I'd say until I sat down at the computer tonight and started typing. I hope it's meaningful for someone. We all struggle. My struggle is not necessarily your struggle, but we all have something that makes us feel inferior to how God wants us to see ourselves as.


Always remember, God's Got This!!

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Tune-In-Tuesday: November 27, 2018

I have never heard of this before, but I guess this is where my naivety about such things shines brightly. I went to get one of my dystonia medications refilled and was told that they were out of stock and the medication was on back-order. The manufacturer was telling the pharmacy that they wouldn't be able to supply them with the medication until January. Now grant it, January isn't too far away, but I'd need the medication before January! The pharmacist informed me that he had called other pharmacy's and they were out of the medication too. His advice to me was to call other pharmacy's (that he hadn't already called) or call my doctor and tell him the situation. Thankfully (praise Jesus!), I called Walmart's pharmacy and they had some - crisis averted!

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving spent with family. In fact, it was so wonderful that I celebrated Thanksgiving twice! Dad and Mom had their book-end children and my grandmother on Thanksgiving. My two middle brothers were with their in-laws. But the day after Thanksgiving, one of my middle brothers and his family came and celebrated with us. Mom's cooking is just that good - we had it both nights!

After Thanksgiving, I started putting up all my Christmas decorations. I love Christmas and decorating for it. I bought a new Christmas tree this year since my other one's lights bit the dust last year and I had to improvise. The new tree is 7.5ft, only half an inch taller than my previous tree, but that half of an inch caused me some problems. One, I couldn't reach the top to put the star on. I have a little step ladder and I tried, but I was way too off balance. My mom came over and I thought maybe if she "held" me, I could do it, but it turns out that didn't work either. My dad came over and he was able to put the star on the tree, but we realized that the star was touching the ceiling. That's how we ended up leaving it (because what else could we have done?). I should of taken Dad up on his offer to connect the star to a power source, but truth be told I had to go get (buy) another extension cord. I did that and was easily able to connect the star to it. However, in doing that, I somehow made the star move (I didn't feel myself tugging on it or anything.). So, as of now, the star's on facing the side of the tree. I tried rotating the tree to no avail. Dad will have to come back and fix it for me, but I didn't feel like I could bother him again last night when he had just been over the day before! I'll ask him tomorrow...maybe he can stop by after church. I'm trying also to find the beauty in the "imperfectly perfect". So the star's a little crooked. ;)

I got tickets from a friend at work for the Fantasy of Trees that was held at the convention center this past weekend. Mom and I went on Sunday afternoon and had a great time. But, it's at times like this that I realize I'm not as great at walking as I want to believe. It's just that I have to go at my own pace sometimes, so when I'm with someone that's walking faster I see that I can't do that (yet). At least I am able to walk, even if it's not perfect.

I'm very thankful, grateful and blessed by everyone and everything in my life. Taking time to reflect on all of that over Thanksgiving was wonderful. Always remember, God's Got This!

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Tune-in-Tuesday: November 20, 2018

Happy (almost) Thanksgiving, everyone! I hope you’re able to spend it with the ones you love and be able to reflect on things that you are most thankful for.

This post is going to be short and sweet as I really don't have a lot to update on. The past week was a mixed-bag, walking-wise. I haven’t been able to get back to where I was a month ago, however I am seeing improvement. Since I’ve been able to walk relatively well before, I know that I will again, but it’s frustrating in the “in-between” times.

This past Friday, after yoga, I started walking better. I have no idea why or how except to say that God thought I could use a pick-me-up. 😉

I walked well on Saturday, foregoing having to use a shopping cart to help me in to stores, but by the end of the day, I was ready to just lay on the couch. Sunday was mixed with times that I could walk and then other times when I needed a little more help.

When walking is difficult, I’m all “woe is me”, but God commands me to be thankful in ALL situations. Not some, not the parts when everything is going swimmingly, but in ALL circumstances. This is something I’m working on and yet struggling with at the same time. Then I see or hear of someone who has it MUCH worse than me and I am once again reminded of how truly blessed I am.


Again, may you have a blessed Thanksgiving and always remember that God's Got This!

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Tune-in-Tuesday: November 13, 2018


I've been thinking about what to write about tonight. My walking has not been the greatest this past week. But I can also say it hasn't been the worst either. The weather hasn't played nice (meaning it's been cold and wet) and I know that's contributed to my walking woes, but as I sit here tonight writing this post I can truthfully say that I am still blessed beyond measure. On a day-to-day basis, I can get incredibly frustrated about things, but when I actually take the time to reflect on things, I can only see how blessed I am.

I was talking with a co-worker today about my nieces (I mean, who's surprised by that?!). She said something like "all those girls" and I said to her that what a lot of people don't know is that the family is dominated by boys. I have three brothers and no sisters, I'm the only girl out of 11 grandchildren on my Mom's side and I'm one of only two girls out of 11 grandchildren on my Dad's side. Boys are everywhere!! :) My co-worker remarked that God must have been listening to someone's prayers about letting girls be born into the family, to which I replied, "Mine! He answered MY prayers! Talk about patience and waiting on the Lord, it took 34 years, but God finally answered MY prayers about girls!" No sooner had the words come out of my mouth that I realized GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS ALL THE TIME ON HIS OWN TIME. I've known this, but it was just a reminder that He does listen and hear and answer prayer. What does this have to do with my walking? It reminded me again to continue to pray for healing. He is able. I am so much better than I was, but I still struggle. Maybe that's the answer He wants me to accept, but maybe not. So I must keep praying, keep asking, keep having faith that God knows all and He knows what He is doing in my life.

Yesterday, I did something I've never done before: I took the wrong medicine at the wrong time. I'm supposed to take this one medication twice a day. It's a Parkinson's drug, but helps with muscle spasms. I usually take it right when I get up in the morning and then after lunch. Yesterday, I took it three times. As soon as I swallowed it, I knew I'd taken the wrong meds. I was still at work (but it was the end of the work day) and my co-worker (the same one I talked about in the above paragraph) was still there too. I immediately said, "I took the wrong meds!" to which she replied, "Do we need to take you to get your stomach pumped?!" So maybe we were both being a little dramatic - haha! I looked up the medication and its side-effects and I wasn't going to die or overdose from taking it three times a day instead of two, but it did rattle me a little because I'm usually so careful about that kind of thing. The funny thing is, if I were in trouble, I have an ER doctor brother and a pharmacist sister-in-law that I could call or see if need be.

Does anyone watch The Good Doctor? It's one of my "new" (it's in its second season on ABC) favorite shows. I love it. A couple of weeks back they had a DBS story line. The patient who ended up getting DBS got it for different reasons than I did, but it was still fascinating to see it on main stream TV. It's gaining popularity - ha! Interestingly, the story line on The Good Doctor involved a woman getting it to help her with an eating disorder. This surgery is used for a lot of things!

Humbling experience of the week: Yoga. I told my instructor that I had been practicing the "L Stand". Then I tried to do it for her and couldn't even get my feet up the wall. We tried new poses and I couldn't get my balance. It was just a humbling class. I felt like I couldn't get anything right. She did cheer me on and said my sun salutations were great, but I was feeling defeated and oh so humbled. At the same time, I couldn't get 2 Corinthians 12:9 out of my head, ""But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." His grace is sufficient for me. Just because I can't do something 100% the first time I do it, does not mean I won't ever be able to do it, it just means that I have something to strive for, a goal to achieve and yet at the same time, HIS power is made perfect in MY weakness. I don't like being weak, but I am always closest to God in my weakest moments.


So, yes, while I may get frustrated in day-to-day mishaps, I am most certainly blessed beyond measure because I know that in all things, God's Got This!


Tuesday, November 6, 2018

Tune-in-Tuesday: November 6, 2018

This past week I've had some good walking moments and some not-so good ones. I turned the electricity in my DBS device down on October 28 and gave it a week. There were some really good moments, but to be honest I was still having a lot of problems walking and I was getting frustrated.

When I "experiment" with the electricity, there are a few things that can occur. I'm going to try and explain one of them - the symptom/side effect I despise the most. Unless you have similar circumstances, you may not be able to imagine this, but I'll try to explain it. In simple terms my leg jerks. Sometimes it's my leg, other times it's my foot. It can also be my knee and still other times it's more my thigh muscles. But, when it jerks, I have no control and that's what causes a lot of falls or feeling "off-balance" or causes me to walk stiff-legged. I walk stiff-legged because I feel like if I bend my knee it'll spasm or my foot will spasm and I'll lose my balance. I can not stand the jerking. I lose all confidence in my ability to stay vertical. This is what happened this past week. I gave it a week to work itself out. ;) There were days at work that were fantastic. I walked with more confidence and a greater ability to keep myself upright. However, the times that were difficult outweighed the times that were good, so this past Sunday, November 4, I decided to go back up on the electricity. I had only gone down one notch the week before, but it's one notch too low, I think. ;) So I went back up to 2.90 volts.



And everything was perfect after that....

Or maybe not. God's the author of this story (my life) and He doesn't always see things like I see things (to say the least!). When I want things to work one way, He see things working another. When I think a situation is going to turn out one way, God sees it turning out another way. But it's all good!!


God has a sense of humor. Really, He does. I turned the electricity up before going to church on Sunday. I still felt really off-balanced, but prayed that it would all work out and that I wouldn't fall. I walked into church without help (That's not true, God is ALWAYS my help, but I meant no help from other people.). I was slow - very slow and awkward - very awkward, but God let the situation work itself out just like He deemed it. There were people around that I could have asked help from, but had I had help I wouldn't have learned what He wanted me to learn, so I'm grateful for the experience. Had I had help, my confidence would have lacked because I wouldn't have been "forced" to do it "on my own". (Again, even if I may look "on my own", I'm not, because God is with me each step of the way). I wouldn't have known that I could walk (albeit very, very slow) and not fallen that day. Had I had help, I would not have been humbled as I was. A good dose of humility is good. While it's humiliating at the time (hence the word!), it turns my eyes back to Jesus. To see people walk in with no issue at all, and to realize that I still have issues even after deep brain stimulation surgery - that's humbling to me. I'm sure you have your humbling scenarios as well. But with humility comes confidence, for my confidence comes from the Lord and to be humbled in His sight - well I don't think there's anything better.



Here it is Tuesday and I'm still having issues and not walking as I would like. But I have hope. It's not all bad. I love that when I'm feeling weak in one area of my life, God allows me to find strength in another. While walking hasn't been the best, I'm enjoying and finding physical strength in yoga. From planks to push-ups, I feel stronger. Where once, I could only barely even do one push-up, I can do lots more now. I can see growth and growth is always good. I know that I have walked well before and I'll walk well again and in this lull time, I'll keep reminding myself that God's still writing my story and that God's Got This!

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Tune-In-Tuesday: October 30, 2018

Whew, what a week! But, God is faithful. It’s been one of those of weeks where I wonder what happened. I mean, I’m going along, living my life and then out of nowhere, my walking goes haywire. Where did that come from? I didn’t do a single thing different from day A to day B, but there I am unable to walk like I have been. I get SO frustrated. I wrack my brain trying to think what I could have done to go from "great" to "barely able", but then I realize that some things just are. Sometimes "you just have to yell, 'Plot Twist!' and move on."


I did check all the medical things to make sure they were working and they are. My DBS system didn't turn itself off. The battery didn't die. Everything was and is working perfectly, except my walking. ;)

A friend shared this on Facebook and it made me laugh:


By Sunday night, I had had enough. I started to think my brain had become complacent and that maybe it needed a little kick start. I decided to adjust the electricity in my deep brain stimulation device. Surprising even myself, I didn't go up on the electricity. I actually went down. There were some signs to me that made me think that I had too much electricity, so I did what I didn't think I was going to do and I turned it down. Only .10 volts, but still down. I did it at the end of the day in hopes that my body would adjust to it while I slept. I went from Group A at 2.90 volts to Group A at 2.80.



I'm not going to lie, yesterday was rough. I could not get my balance and felt that with every step, I was going to fall. But, I didn't. It took every ounce of will-power within me to NOT adjust it again. I can't tell you why I didn't adjust it, except I really did feel deep down inside that I was supposed to leave it. So I did. With every step, I felt like I was going to fall. Every single step felt like that, but guess what? God kept me from falling. I was bound and determined that when I got home I was going to adjust the electricity, but I stopped short. What?! WHY?! Be patient. Be still. Trust that God has a plan. Trust that all of this isn't for nothing.


When I woke this morning, I debated, but in the end decided to wait and watch again. Why?! This is NOT FUN. Why don't I just play with the settings again? Walking was better today - so much better, until tonight when I had more issues. But, I really feel deep in my heart that I'm supposed to wait. That I'm not to act so quickly. I'm waiting. I'm trying to be patient. God's kept me from falling and I've gotten to and from every place I've needed to go. It's embarrassing to not be able to walk correctly, but God's helping me with that too. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, right?! I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but I do. I guess God's teaching me humility and how to be brave and how to surrender it all and TRUST HIM.


I saw this on Facebook somewhere and instantly fell in love with it. Partially, I'll admit, because of #1 which is my motto, but the more I read, the more I fell in love because every part of it is true. It's talking about spiritual battles, but the same can be said for physical battles:


I know that in all things, God is for me and not against me. He's using my weaknesses to make me strong. Above all else, I know, God's Got This!

Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Tune-In-Tuesday: October 23, 2018

Tonight I was reminded why I pay a little more to have private yoga sessions! Seriously, I must have looked absolutely hysterical trying to do some of the poses. I could not for the life of me get into the pigeon pose that I was trying to do. My instructor had to physically move my legs into the position and then once I was there, I somehow rolled out of the position within 5 seconds of her putting me in it, which meant she had to put me in it again. I must have looked quite silly! I'm thankful she's the only one who saw me. ;)

The weather is changing here in East Tennessee. Summer is no more and Fall and Winter seem to be fighting each other on who's turn it is. I blame the weather on why I've had some difficult walking moments the past week. I didn't fall, but there have been moments that reminded me of earlier days when walking didn't come automatically. I found this quote by Olympic figure skater Scott Hamilton:


Just replace "skater" with "walker". "It's building that muscle of getting up." I don't know about you, but when I fall or even have a hard time doing something, I fear doing it again. I don't really even know that I fear it until I look back on a situation and realize that's what I was doing. Take for example, yesterday and today. Yesterday, for whatever reason (although I'll blame it on the weather and the fact that I had been sitting for way too long), I had the most difficult time walking to my car at the end of the work day. I felt like I didn't have balance. I didn't feel confident that my legs and feet would support me. I just felt like I was going to fall the entire time. I didn't fall, I just felt like I was going to. I finally made it to my car. Fast forward to today and the fear that what happened yesterday was going to happen to me today, made me anxious about walking out to my car. I'm happy to report today, although not the best, was MUCH better than yesterday. Fear can hold me back a lot though. I don't want to fear. I fight fear, but every so often (more than I want it to), it takes over.

I found this quote and it was just another reminder that as tightly as I hold on to fear (for what, I have NO idea!), I need to hold on to Jesus more!


God reminds me day in and day out, that He's in control and I need not worry.



Comedian, Erma Bombeck had this to say about worry:


The past week wasn't all worrying about falling or having walking problems, that's for sure. I did have great days and fun times. Sunday, I found it funny that every person I passed on my way into church asked if they could help me. It was because I was carrying 1,000 pounds of candy in for our church's Trunk or Treat on Halloween. I had three bags and they were loaded with candy. Interestingly enough, those bags were keeping me balanced and upright, so while I appreciated the sentiment, I politely declined every offer.

I got to play with my nieces, which always brings me joy. I also finished reading the Old Testament and have now begun the New Testament. I've gained the greatest joy by reading the Bible. Don't get me wrong, it's a discipline. I don't always want to do it, but once I have, it's the biggest blessing and greatest joy. Just like exercise though, I have to discipline myself to do it. It's not always easy and I don't understand everything, but it's been extraordinary nonetheless.

I hope your week has been blessed and that the upcoming week is equally blessed. Always remember, God's Got This!

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Tune-In-Tuesday: October 16, 2018

Thanks for stopping by and reading! I just got home from yoga, where my instructor gave me a workout! It's what I wanted and it was excellent!

I've been struggling a little to come up with a "theme" for tonight's post. Not that I really have a theme with any of my posts, but this past week has been pretty status quo. Status quo is good, but it makes writing a blog post a little harder - ha! I didn't fall, so that's a good thing. I'm just over here trying to live my best life. ;)

It's been a great week for finding inspirational quotes and sayings on Facebook, so I thought I'd share of a few of my favorites:


Is that not the truth?! God's given each of us a unique story, so why not embrace it and love it and let Him work through it? Be brave. Love the life God's given you and share Jesus with others!


This reminds me to keep praying. Even when I think I'm getting mixed signals or I get worried about something, or want something "right now", I need to take a step back and know that God's in control. When I can't see clearly, God's still leading the way!


We're all broken in some way, but sometimes through brokenness come the most beautiful blessings. Some of the experiences I've had because of my dystonia would have never taken place if I hadn't been in my "worst days". You find your truest friends when you're at your worst and they love you anyway.


God's in the details. Although at times situations in our lives feel like they are random, they are not. God loves weaving together our lives in such a way that everything we experience helps create who we are in Him.


If you've known me for two seconds, you know that patience is not my virtue!! But, God seems to be teaching me patience every chance He gets! ;) I can either learn the hard way (by resisting it) or the easy way (by accepting it), but either way, God's time is perfect. He won't be rushed, nor will He ever be late.

I'll end with this one:


That one hit me in the gut! I'm not even close to being ministry material. I constantly fail to be Christ-like and kind. This is why I'm thankful for God's grace. I want my life to reflect Christ. I'm thankful that when I fail at this, His grace is what picks me up, dusts me off and sets me back on solid ground. I'm not perfect, but God's grace is sufficient!

Always remember: God's Got This!




Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Tune-In-Tuesday: October 9, 2018


Oh, how I love the above picture and quote! I don't consider myself a brave person necessarily, but sometimes, you just have to fake it, till you make it, right?!!

Another week has come and gone. Sometimes they go way too quickly and other times not as quickly as I would want them to, but I never want to wish my life away. The older I get, the more I see God’s handiwork in every facet of my life and how He weaves every event, every situation together for His good.

I saw this on Facebook and it made me laugh. I hope it brings a smile to your face too:


For the most part, this past week has been a good one. It’s October 9th and it still feels like summer outside and this makes me very, very happy! I’m soaking up every minute of the warm temperatures because I know that the cold will be here soon enough. Probably most of you reading this can’t wait for cooler temps and autumn like weather, but not me. I'm a warm weather girl, so I'm savoring it while I can!

On Saturday, my church had a conference on how to better serve those in our community and beyond. I had several people comment on how well I was walking. I found it a little baffling though because I myself wasn’t feeling as sturdy on my feet as I have felt in the past, but I was walking and I’m always grateful for that.


Sunday morning, I fell. Not at church, as (if you’ve read previous posts) you would probably think. No, I fell before getting to church while in my own yard. I’ll admit, I was feeling a little cocky. Yeah, afterwards, Proverbs 16:18 was rolling around in my head, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” I walked in the grass because grass (and sand and even stone) give me more traction. The only problem was, the grass was wet with dew and I just lost my footing. I had the entire yard to fall in, but I “wait” (ha!) until I get to the curb and then I lose my balance and fall. Of course, I hit the pavement instead of a soft landing on grass and of course, I spilt my knee open. But, it is what it is. I got up, brushed myself off, and carried on. It did rattle me a little bit though; I’m not going to lie. I’m just thankful I didn’t hurt myself (other than the cut on my knee). That’ll teach me to be cocky, thinking I’ve got this walking thing down – haha!

I saw my nutritionist yesterday and she said that she thought I looked fit. I’ll be honest with you, I thought that I had gained a ton of weight because I was just feeling fat. I know, “fat is not a feeling” – that’s what the professionals tell me, but I’ve just been feeling “blah” lately. It was a very pleasant surprise for her to tell me I looked fit and it may have boosted my spirits a little too!

I had yoga tonight and while I wanted hard yoga, I got yin yoga. 😉 It’s all good though because after doing it, it’s what I needed, and my instructor knew that. She promised me hard next week. I’ve got “homework” to do. My instructor really should write a book. She draws me these stick figures and writes out the poses she wants me to practice. I love it! She’s been trying to get me to do yin yoga on my “off” days (days when I don’t work-out or do hard yoga) and I haven’t been able to get into a routine yet, so she created a routine for me. Now that I’m putting it in the blog, I must follow through with it!


In my Bible reading this past week, I’ve found so many gems, that I thought I’d just post a few of them here. I love when Bible verses just jump out at me. Here are a few that I highlighted. They are in no particular order:


Thanks for reading and always remember, "God's Got This!"



Tuesday, October 2, 2018

Tune-In-Tuesday: October 2, 2018

As I was reading my Bible this past week, this verse jumped out at me:


The idea of being refined by God is so awesomely frighting and yet at the same time so awesomely wonderful. My "affliction" is nothing compared to what some people deal with, but it is an affliction nonetheless and God says He's refining me through it. How cool is that? While I don't necessarily always want to be refined and especially not using an affliction to do it with, I find it amazing that God takes interest in little old me. ;) Have you ever thought of it like that? God is taking a special interest in you by allowing you to have an affliction? To be honest, I don't regularly think that at all! In fact, I consistently pray for Him to take any and all affliction away from me. But, God, in His wisdom, doesn't always give me what I want, rather He gives me what I need. I'm not saying that I need an affliction and I'm not saying that God says I need an affliction, but what I'm saying is that God is God and I am not. He uses everything that goes on in my life for His good, even when the stuff in my life isn't good! I'm thankful He knows me better than I even know myself and I am thankful for the ways in which He refines me.

This past week was full of ups and downs, but nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't have the best (nor the worst!) walking day yesterday, however today, I've walked much better. I didn't slip, trip or fall this week. I had yoga tonight and it turned into a therapy session - haha! It was very, very good! On my drive home, the heavens declared their glory. What a spectacular sunset I was treated to!


As always, I'm so very, very thankful that God's Got This!

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Tune-In-Tuesday: September 25, 2018

It's a little after 7:45 pm and I just got home from yoga. It was truly what I needed when I needed it. I wasn't "feeling" yoga tonight - not the kind I normally love: the hard stuff. My instructor made the decision for me that I would do Yin Yoga (a slow placed style where positions are held for longer) tonight and it was fantastic. I am so thankful that I am able to do yoga with the instructor that I have. She's a blessing!

I saw this quote somewhere this past week and it literally made me laugh out loud. So now, when I feel like giving up on anything, great or small, I'm going to remind myself of this and keep pushing forward.


I told my yoga instructor tonight that I've had a couple of bad walking days this past week, but then I stopped myself, because when I really started reflecting on that, I realized, I didn't really have any bad days at all. The "bad" days I thought I experienced were really what the "good" days were not so long ago. Plus, I didn't fall. It's all about perspective! I have SO much to be thankful for, grateful for, joyful for.

I've also been reminded that the less I think of myself and the more my focus is on others, the less trouble I have walking. Distracting myself by helping others does my body good! It's a win-win!

Thanks for reading this short but (hopefully!) sweet post tonight! Always remember that God's Got This!

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Tune-In-Tuesday: September 18, 2018

I have to start tonight's entry out by saying how exceedingly thankful I am to God for allowing me to have a such great week of walking and for all the growing He's allowing me to experience through His Word. I'm human, so the week wasn't perfect, but I'm thankful for it nonetheless. I didn't do anything different this past week then I have before. I didn't mess with the electricity in my brain. I even fell (more on this later in the post, but it wasn't my walking that caused it!), yet I'm still so very, very thankful.

I was at work on Friday walking to the restroom of all places when it struck me, when do I stop being “cautiously optimistic” about walking well and finally just be optimistic?! I feel like God's telling me to be joyful. Rejoice in the good days and remember them when tougher days come along. It takes a LOT of work to change a personality. I’m naturally a pessimist, but I long to be an optimist, so I'll strive for that, even when it's hard.

I have been blessed with SO MANY Bible verses this week that have spoken to me in my Bible reading. I was in Esther and Job and am now in Psalms and truly, I just need to stop highlighting verses, because eventually every single one of them will be highlighted. ;) I did want to share some in this post with everyone because it's God's Word and it's spoken directly to me and you. Here are a few of my favorites:

"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14

"For such a time as this". Is God working in me for a future purpose? Maybe it's even for a present purpose? Is He allowing me to go through walking difficulties, so that in some way, I'm able to help someone else? He uses everything in our lives to draw us closer to Him and to allow us to share His love with others. So who knows...maybe this is my "for such a time as this". I know this: I shall not remain silent about what God's doing in my life. He's a mighty God and He's doing mighty things!

"He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted." Job 5:9

I actually have this verse up on a wall in my kitchen (thanks to my friend, Kristen's store!). Yes, God performs wonders and miracles beyond what we can even fathom. He did when Jesus walked the earth and He does now. We of little faith forget this way too often (I count myself in that "we"). Also, I just realized that this verse is in Job TWICE. It's also in Job 9:10. How cool is that?!

"Does he not see my ways and count my ever step?" Job 31:4

He counts every step, just like he counts every hair on our head.

"He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food." Job 36:16

I love that God is "wooing" me (and you).

Saturday, I did some deep cleaning. I did a lot of dusting. This is when I fell. It unfolded like a comedy of errors. I had a plaque over the door frame to my room. I basically had just balanced it up there instead of nailing it. Anyway, I saw cobwebs above it, so I decided to dust it. Well, the dust rag caught the plaque and caused it to fall, which startled me and caused me to fall. I landed on my hand, but just as soon as I landed the plaque hit me in the head. Seriously, it must of been a sight to see. I didn't injure myself and surprisingly didn't even get bruises where I thought I might. This fall can only mean one thing: I shouldn't have been dusting. ;)

Sunday, I was able to walk into church with relative ease. I'm thankful for friends and fellow church members distracting me enough to where I don't put ALL my focus on walking. I'm also thankful to my brother and sister-in-law who allow me to hold on to my two-year-old niece's hand as we go up to communion, so that, again, my focus is on something other than my walking. It's a great balancing act (pun intended): focusing on walking, but not too much so that I get all in my head and psych myself out.

Yesterday, I did something completely out of my comfort zone. I attended a meeting of Toastmasters at work. Toastmasters is a club that teaches people how to give speeches and how to speak publicly. While I can be very outgoing sometimes (mostly at work!), I'm an introvert in my core and it scares me to talk in front of big crowds. I was invited as a guest to this meeting and something amazing happened. I don't think I've ever been as quiet as I was during the meeting - ha! You see, I'm (slowly) learning that I don't always need to talk. Sometimes, it's best to be quiet, listen and learn. It was a great experience and I think I'm going to go back.

Tonight, I had yoga and it was good. I never know if I'm going to be able to do a pose or not, but more times then not, I surprise myself. I'm very thankful for a kind and patient instructor. Tonight, she taught me a new pose, but I kept rolling out of it (basically losing my balance and literally rolling out of it). She laughed and said a lot of people roll out of it because it's hard (to keep the pose). But, eventually I did it. I love learning new things and also being challenged.

God's been challenging me in several different areas of my life to learn, to grow, to be still, to take action, to do, to stay calm, to walk, to be brave, to seek His face, to give Him glory, to love with everything in me, to pray, to keep going, to be joyful in affliction, to love without restriction, to be all He has made me to be. And so, with His help, I will.

And in everything, I'll always remember that "God's Got This!".


Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Tune-In-Tuesday: September 11, 2018


I know you probably can't tell - in fact, I'm a little disappointed because I just realized that since I took the above picture looking into my mirror, the whole picture is inverted - but this morning as I was finishing up and getting ready to leave for work, I glanced in the mirror and realized my left foot was not turned in or twisted. It was perfectly straight. It was relaxed. It was "normal". But, being me, I'm still CAUTIOUSLY optimistic that I'm on the right setting, because, you know, me being OVERLY excited about anything usually leads me to jinx the whole situation. Seriously though, I am so very thankful. God is good.

Walking has been easier - not completely without issue - but easier. I even had a much easier time walking into church on Sunday and if you've been reading this blog awhile you know that I tend to have major problems with that particular task. ;)

Thursday and Friday of last week were particularly great walking days. I am blessed!

I have good days and bad days, but I'm thankful that for this past week, the good days outweighed the bad days. God is in both kind of days though for which I am so ever grateful. He's in control and I am not. Sometimes (OK, the majority of the time) I want to be in control, but then I come to the realization that that would be a very bad thing and then I relax and breath and rejoice in the fact that He knows what He's doing!


God knows our every need even before we know our need. I went to yoga tonight. It was an hour later than I normally go because my instructor had to fill in for another class, but still wanted to work with me. To be honest, all day today, I've felt sad. Not like, cry-my-eyes-out sad, but sad nonetheless. I wasn't sure I really even wanted to go tonight, but I am SO glad I did. It was the perfect mix of therapy, exercise and relaxation and it lifted my mood substantially. It was what I needed, when I needed it and I thank God for it.

I was also uplifted today by this Bible verse: "Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always." 1 Chronicles 16:11
When this life seems dark or sad look to the Lord. He is our strength. He is our God who loves us immensely and only wants what's best for us.

In everything always remember, "God's Got This!"

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Tune-In-Tuesday: September 4, 2018

Another week has come and gone and I must say that I am cautiously optimistic that my walking may be back on track. May be. 😉 In my last post, I had turned the electricity down to 2.70. That lasted until Thursday night when I turned it back up and landed at 2.90 (still in Group A) and so far, so good. I turned it up because I knew I needed more. I can’t explain why or how I knew I needed more, I just did. 😉


Since turning it up, walking has been getting back to normal. I feel more stable. Thank you, Jesus!

I made a spur of the moment decision to go to my church’s family retreat this past weekend and it was one of the best decisions I’ve made. I don’t normally thrive on making last minute decisions, but this time I did. I met new people, learned more about Jesus and failed epicaly at corn hole. It was a blast. I also was struck by this fact: the last time I went on our church’s family retreat, I had to use a walker to get everywhere. This time, I used my own two feet. I must say I did use my Dad too – haha. He helped me down a steep hill and other places that I may not have been so steady on, but the fact is, I didn’t use a walker or a cane!!


I saw this quote this past week and it struck a chord with me:


Never in a million years did I ever think that I would be blogging about walking issues. Never in a million years would I have thought that “matters of the brain” would spark my interest or keep my attention for more than 30 seconds. And yet, here I am. And the journey’s not over yet. Maybe God’s got bigger plans for me yet.

I also saw this and it humbled me:


It humbled me because I, oftentimes, when walking fails, am the rude, weak, bully, timid, arrogant one. I so don’t want to be that, but I get frustrated and do fail. Therefore, I am so ever thankful for God’s grace.


I had yoga tonight and my instructor killed me! Just kidding. The night did not go as I had planned though. My appointment was at 6pm. I arrived at 6:30pm. There were two separate 3 car-pile-ups on the highway and a 25-minute drive turned into an hour drive. I was literally stopped on the interstate. I texted my instructor (when I was completely stopped!) and she was cool about it. When I finally arrived, she decided to put me through a boot-camp. I guess that’s what I deserved for being half an hour late! But – as usual, it was just what I needed. I’ve been feeling kind of fat and useless, so a hard workout is just what I needed. I’m definitely going to feel tonight’s workout tomorrow. 😉

I think that's it for this week. Thank you for reading along. Thank you also for the encouragement and the prayers. Always remember, God's Got This and also: