Tune-In-Tuesday: January 8, 2019

Today is Elvis’ birthday. That has nothing to do with walking or any updates, I just thought it was interesting to lead with that. A few years ago, I finally got the chance to visit Graceland and even though it was pouring down rain, it was fun to see!

The past week has been pretty good. No new updates. Walking’s been better, but it’s also been worse as well, so I am very thankful that it hasn’t been as bad as those times. I have a neurologist appointment on January 17. It’ll be the first time I see him since having the battery replaced. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m contemplating giving myself more electricity, but then I talk myself out of it because I see him next week and it takes a good two weeks to see any difference. And now you’ve just experienced the craziness that goes through my head when debating on adjusting anything – ha. If it worked instantly, I don’t think I’d have nearly as many thoughts going through my head on what to do. Oh well. Such is life and in the scheme of things this is not a major thing, but it can be frustrating sometimes.

My mom got me a pair of shoes for Christmas and they are the best. They fit perfectly and give my feet so much support. It’s like walking on air. I extremely dislike shopping for shoes. I must buy shoes that fit and support, over what’s trendy and that really takes the fun out of things. Truth be told, I don’t think I’ve ever liked shoe shopping. When I opened the shoes she got me, I immediately put them on. It wasn’t until later in the day that Mom asked, “Do you think it’s time to cut the tags off them?!” She’d found keepers! 😊 A few days later she said that she went back to the store where she bought them, and they had a pair in black (what I got on Christmas was brown) which was the original color she wanted but they didn’t have them in my size before Christmas. So now I have a pair in brown and black!

Related to the shoes – my feet have shrunk! I knew that my left had because it’s the “problem” one, but now my right has too. Is that normal? I don’t think so, but maybe I’m wrong. I used to wear an 8 ½ and now I wear an 8. But maybe it’s like clothes – not all 8 1/2 ‘s are the same?! Just another observation I’ve made on this journey. Maybe like your waistline, your feet shrink?! I have no clue! 😉

I hope everyone’s having a lovely week so far. Always remember…God’s Got This!

Tune In Tuesday: January 1, 2019

Happy New Year!!! Wow, it's 2019...how did that happen so quickly?! It also happens to be a Tuesday, which is my normal blog post time. I almost forgot it was Tuesday because this past week has been a jumble of days. I've been off of work and am having the hardest time remembering what day of the week each day has been. I don't mind that all, although I do love routine, my co-workers and job. It's been so fun to hang out with family and just relax.

My walking has gotten a little better than when I last posted. I haven't fallen, so that's always a good thing. Over the past week, I celebrated 1 year of taking yoga classes. Again, where has the time gone?! Where once I thought yoga was kind of a joke (I was ignorant of what it truly does!), now I know that it helps! I've gained a new friend and cheerleader with my instructor. For Christmas, my mom got me new yoga clothes and my niece, Hope, showed me her downward dog pose, which was spot on! She's so flexible, but she is only 2 and 1/2! :)

Yesterday, on New Years Eve, Mom and I went to Dollywood. This is HUGE on many, many levels. As mentioned on this blog before, I have panic attacks. I've had them for well over half my life. When we first moved to Tennessee, 25 years ago, Mom and Dad got us all season passes to Dollywood. You'd think a 13 year old would love going to Dollywood any chance she could get, but I struggled with it. I hadn't been to Dollywood since way before my walking issues arose. I wasn't that worried about it yesterday (why I wasn't worried, I don't know, I just wasn't!), but I brought my cane just in case. Mom had something better: a stroller. Yes, a baby stroller. We had no baby with us, just a stroller! But it worked!! I had such a glorious day with Mom. Truly, it's one of those days that I'll always remember. I had so much fun. It might have taken me 25 years, but I didn't have any major panic attacks and I could walk!! I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Mom and I are alike in that we love to watch all the shows. It was still decorated for Christmas (because everything should still be decorated for Christmas until January 6 - Epiphany!) and it was gorgeous. The weather cooperated too - it was 72 degrees on December 31!! We made it home in time to watch, with Dad, the ball drop on TV ushering in 2019. I am so very thankful and blessed to have had such a wonderful day of memory making fun!

This past week, I've found so many good "things" on Facebook. I'm not sure how to describe them other than that - haha. Are they quotes? Are they pictures? I don't know, but they're so great that I want to post some of them here. They really spoke to my heart - each in a different way. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. I'll post them in the order I found them:

The first one:

This one, I did not find on Facebook. This is the sign that my mom (and dad!) gave me for Christmas. My mom told me to hang it by the door so that I would read it each time I left the house and believe it. So, I hung it right where she told me to! (Please forgive my dirty wall...I really need to clean it!)

This one I need to read every day too! God's time is not necessarily my time. He's got this. He knows what He is doing. After all, He is God!!

This one spoke to my heart on many different levels (as in, I should not judge, but also about seasons of life and growth in life).:

And one more:

Thank you for reading this post! May this new year - 2019 - bring you joy and peace. Always remember, God's Got This!

Tune-In-Tuesday (but on a Wednesday): December 26, 2018 Christmas Edition

Merry Christmas!! I did not post yesterday, even though it was a Tuesday, because it was CHRISTMAS and I fully enjoyed the day with my family. Christmas is a magical, blessed time of year and I am most certainly blessed with the family that God allowed me to be born into!

Although I had such a blessed and fun Christmas, walking was terrible, especially Christmas Eve. I've fallen twice since I last posted. Once was pretty funny. I was at my house and my brother, niece, Mom and Dad had come over to see all my Christmas decorations. As my brother and niece were leaving, my niece wanted me to curl up in this soft Christmas blanket I have, so I did. :) They left and I was still talking with my parents. When I got up to say goodbye to them, my legs got all caught up in the blanket and I tripped and fell, but it was the softest landing ever! That blanket, although it caused me to fall, redeemed itself!! The other fall happened on Christmas Eve after I got home from all the Christmas Eve services. I had not been walking well at all and I just took a knee in the kitchen. That hurt a little more, but again, I was fine. I really truly believe that when I get super excited about things, walking becomes all that more difficult. However, I did NOT let it ruin Christmas!!

Christmas Eve is the most holy, precious time at church. I have to say (and yes, I may be bragging a little bit, but it's also 100% true), I think we have the most beautiful Christmas Eve services. I love them so much, I go to all three!

There was a Christmas Eve a few years back that I will never forget. It was one for the record books and one of the most memorable. I had just had brain surgery on December 19 to insert a shunt because at that time my doctors thought I had hydrocephalus. The surgery and recovery were a little more than I had expected to say the least. December 24 was my first time out of the house since the surgery and looking back, I completely overdid it, but it was well worth it. I enjoyed all 3 services at church and had a huge dinner at my grandparents house. After dinner, although I was feeling a little puny, I decided I wanted to go to the 11pm Christmas Eve service with Holy Communion. After having just taken Communion, I sat back down the in the pew, turned to Mom and said, "I think I'm going to throw-up." She immediately told me to run to the bathroom. So I did. I "ran" as fast as I could (and probably the fastest I had moved since having walking problems). I made it to the bathroom before throwing up. Just as I started to throw-up, I heard a voice say, "Stephanie, are you alright?". It was my friend, Kaitlyn. Her dad, Mitch, sent her in after me as he saw me running to the bathroom. If I remember correctly, she came in and held my hair back for me. That's a friend. :) By the time I made it out of the bathroom, the service was over. My mom asked my brother, Stanton to drive me home (well, not my home, but my parent's home where I was recovering.). He did, but as soon as he hit their driveway I opened the car door (which he yelled at me for - haha! I couldn't wait until he got all the way up and stopped the car.) and I threw up all up and down my parent's driveway. By the time my dad got home, he was way too exhausted to clean the puke up so he told my mom he would do it in the morning before everyone arrived to celebrate. The only thing was, the throw-up froze to the driveway and my poor dad had to get a shovel and get it all up. I laid flat that entire Christmas trying NOT to throw-up anymore. It was definitely a memorable Christmas that year, if not necessarily for the right reasons! This Christmas, Kaitlyn and Mitch were there again at church and we had a great laugh at that memory from years ago. Kaitlyn's married now had to fill her husband in on all the details. Thankfully, this Christmas, there was no throwing up!!

Another Christmas Eve memory I have was when I was a teenager and I actually caught my hair on fire. This is the reason my dad continually warns people to not dip a burning candle to light an unlit candle and for mothers and fathers to watch that their kids don't set their hair on fire. OK, maybe that's not why he warns them, but it did happen to me! I leaned over to show my brother where we were in the bulletin and my hair went up in flames! I quickly extinguished it, but my hair smelled like rotten eggs the rest of the night! Leave it to the preacher's kid to create the memorable moments on Christmas Eve. ;)

I hope everyone reading this had a blessed Christmas. I know that I am blessed. I am thankful to be alive. I am thankful for those that come beside me and help me when I need it. I am blessed that from the Christmas Eve I threw up all over the place to Christmas Eve 2018, I have gotten so much better. Oh yes, I still have many problems walking and in life in general (don't we all?!), but I know where my hope, peace, love and life come from and that, my friends, is the greatest blessing of all. As I always say (and believe down to my core): God's Got This!

19 years ago on the 19th at age 19

I knew there was something I was forgetting to write about in yesterday's "Tune-In-Tuesday" post, but it didn't come to me until today. I almost updated yesterday's post, but then decided this needed a post of its own. If you're reading this and you read yesterday's post too, bless you!

December 19, 1999 which was 19 years ago today, I was a 19-year-old college sophomore who had just returned home for Christmas break. Little did I know then that my Christmas break would be no break at all. Mom and I were involved in what could have been a fatal car accident, but by God's grace was not!

There's no way to say conclusively, but every neurologist I've seen has tried to play "Monday morning quarterback". We have no way of knowing 100%, but that accident could have been the catalyst to me developing dystonia. Again, there's no way to pin everything on that accident, nor do I want to do that, but it's one theory.

Thankfully, I don't remember the accident at all. The only thing I remember is waking up in the hospital and someone suggesting I might need surgery. I freaked out at that idea. Had I known then that in the 19 years following, I'd have more than my share of surgeries, maybe I wouldn't have freaked out as much, but then again, knowing myself all too well, I would have still freaked out. In the end, I didn't need surgery. My main, most painful injury was a fractured pelvis. I had been knocked unconscious, but being 19 at the time, I was more concerned about the pain right then and there and nothing else.

For those that know me well, you know I love anything medical. Why this is, I don't know, but I was kind of upset that I don't remember the "jaws of life" being used to extract me from the car, or the ambulance ride to the hospital with lights and sirens or the ER visit or really any of the doctors who treated me (why must they round at such ungodly hours of the night and day?!), yet at the same time, I am eternally grateful that I don't remember any of that. I would have panicked! God's there in every detail whether big or small, so He knew I wouldn't be able to handle those situations. I can only handle them when it's happening to someone else and when it's not happening to any of my family members.

The memories I have of the hospital stay are mainly good. I remember that I had a male nurse who looked like he could have been a football player. He'd sweep me up in one fell swoop and gently lay me down again on the bed. Back then, I was a little "thick" (OK, fat...that freshman 15 was more like 50 and then sophomore year came and with it, more pounds!). I remember he told me that he and his wife had just had a little boy and it would be his first Christmas that year. To think back on that means that this year that nurse's baby boy is now the age I was when in the hospital - wow. I remember Marvin W., a member of my church, got me a stuffed bear from the hospital gift shop and I still have it to this day. I remember Cheri S. (another member of my church), sat with me all day, every day, until I was discharged on Christmas Eve. I remember Oma (my maternal grandmother) spending each night with me until I was discharged. My dad couldn't be with me because he was with my mom who had the same injuries I did (fractured pelvis), but was at a different hospital. I remember employees of the hospital coming by my room and singing Christmas carols. I remember Jill buying me a new sweater because mine had been destroyed in the accident. I remember the totally hot physical therapist that attended to me. It was a good thing he was so cute, because he inflicted pain that I never want to experience again, all in the name of getting me better. I remember all the visits I got from all my friends. I remember the paramedics who extracted me from the car came by and told me they were sorry for yelling at me. I laughed because I didn't remember them yelling, but then got embarrassed because I must have been doing something wrong. They said I was moving a lot and they wanted me to remain as still as possible. Good thing I don't remember that.

Nineteen years have come and gone. Now, my brother, Stanton is an ER doctor at the very ER I was taken to back then. I still love all things medical. In fact, my brother gave me a tour of his ER last year and I saw the trauma bay. It's SO MUCH BETTER to be on the "touring" side of the ER than the patient in the ER. ;) I've had my share of surgeries since then. I've had my share of ups and downs since then, but looking back, all I can say is that I'm incredibly blessed. Blessed to be alive. Blessed my mom is alive. Blessed by the doctors and nurses and staff that took care of me. Blessed by the friends I have. Blessed to be walking. Blessed that back then and to this day, God's Got This!

Tune-In-Tuesday: December 18, 2018

In last week's post I said walking was good. In this week's post, I'll say walking was tolerable, but not the best. I didn't let it keep me from enjoying life, but it wasn't as great as the week before. Again, I have no idea why as nothing changed. But, oh well. Such is life! I didn't fall and that is always, always, always a good thing! It took me longer to get around and I felt like I was going to fall, but it was more of a nuisance than anything else.

Yoga has been so, so good for me. I can't explain it other than I started it at just the right time and it's been a huge blessing. The week after Christmas will mark a year that I've been doing it almost every week. My instructor is the best and not only have I learned yoga from her, but I've learned about life from her as well. I was teasing her the other day saying that I can't believe she's 10 years younger than me because I feel like in many ways she's wiser than I am. ;)

Again, I'm going to keep this post short as my house is a wreck because there are Christmas presents everywhere that I've been slowly but surely wrapping and if you're like me, you just don't have time to read a long post. :)

I'll close by saying that even when walking is a struggle for me, it only serves to remind me that I love and serve a big God who can turn even problems walking into teachable lessons in this thing we call life. I'm dealing with nothing when I stop and realize how many of my friends and acquaintances are dealing with so much worse. I am most certainly blessed to know that God's Got This!

Tune-In-Tuesday: December 11, 2018

I'm so happy to report that since last Friday, I seem to be walking so much better! Just like that. There's no reason, no explanation, no differences in medication or deep brain stimulation, it just happened. Praise Jesus! I am so, so very thankful to God. Walking may never be 100% for me (but then again, God's in the business of miracles, so you never know!), but I'm grateful for good days where I see glimpses of how walking was meant to be. It's very hard to explain how I feel when walking or trying to walk, so I'm not even going to try, but when walking is "normal", I try to savor every second of it.

I'm keeping this post short and sweet tonight because, walking is good, it's Christmas time and I know we all have lots to do and God's Got This!

Tune-In-Tuesday: December 4, 2018

As I started to title this post, I almost wrote, Turn-It-Up-Tuesday...should I take that as a sign that I should turn the electricity up in my deep brain stimulation device?! ;) I've been contemplating if I should or not, and as of this moment, I haven't. Nothing has happened to sway me either way, it's just at times I think to myself, "I should be farther along." Ha! Only God's able to take care of that. No one's put that thought in my head other than myself, but as the year starts to wind down, I think how it will be 3 years in February when I had the deep brain stimulation done and yeah, I start to think, "I should be farther along." However, should I really be? Or should I be content with what has already happened? Or both? I don't know. I am exceedingly blessed to be where I am today - exceedingly - but being who I am, I always want more. Ugh! I don't believe that there is anything wrong in wanting to better one's self, however there is a fine line between that and being content in what is. I haven't found that balance yet. I saw this on Facebook and had to borrow it. It's been rolling around in my head. Again, I found it on Facebook, I didn't hear it in church - haha:

I FINALLY got a haircut this past Saturday. I was starting to lose curl in my hair and it just looked "blah", so I got it cut and now the curl is back - yay! I am very, very thankful for hair. It's a simple pleasure you don't know how much you love until it's not there anymore. So, if you have hair, treasure it! If you don't have hair, embrace that too - it's who and how God wants you to be.

This post has been all over the place! I didn't know what I'd say until I sat down at the computer tonight and started typing. I hope it's meaningful for someone. We all struggle. My struggle is not necessarily your struggle, but we all have something that makes us feel inferior to how God wants us to see ourselves as.

Always remember, God's Got This!!