A co-worker told me yesterday that he is still amazed when he sees me walking down the hallway without a walker a cane. I'M still amazed when I stop and take time to write on this blog and realize that I have just completed another week of walking cane and walker free and I haven't fallen. God is so, so good!! While, it (the walking) is not perfect and I still have "bad" days - I'm still walking without a walker or cane. For that, I continue to be in awe of what God has done and continues to do.
I find that when I am excited (either with a good excitement or not-so-good excitement), I tend to have more trouble walking. I want to get where I'm going fast and I just can't quite do that yet. I want to run. Seriously, there are times, I just want to run and I'm not there yet - but I do believe I will get there. For now, God just wants me to stop and smell the roses. ;)
I did turn the electricity in my deep brain stimulation device up today to 4.00 volts on level C. I had been at 3.90 volts on level C for the past 3 weeks. I think that's the longest I've ever been on a level since the surgery a year ago. Remember, patience is not my strong suite. ;) But, today I felt like I should go up. While my foot lays straight (for the most part), my toes have been curling up non-stop. I went up in the electricity to see if that will help my toes lay flat. I can obviously get around with them curled under because I've been doing that, but if they lay flat - how awesome would that be? I was a little less sure of myself today walking-wise, but I knew that would probably happen. Whether it's psychosomatic or real, I always seem to have "off" days when I mess with the electricity in my brain. But, I didn't slip, trip or fall today and I got everywhere I needed to go without using a walker or a cane, so I'm counting that as a huge WIN!
I've been battling with my toe this past week. It's aggravating the stew out of me, but only aggravating me, not causing me to fall or have any other issues - praise Jesus! I was somewhat grateful for the cooler weather this past week ONLY because the only shoes that I can wear comfortably are these boots that I have that have fabric on the top of them. But, I see a podiatrist next week, so hopefully there's a remedy for my toe in the near future.
This has nothing to do with dystonia or my health, but I can't end this post without acknowledging today's date: March 21. I was forever changed on March 21, 1990. That's when a dream came true and died all in the very same moment: I had a stillborn sister, Stacia Karen. Today she'd be 27. Her name means "resurrected one". How appropriate. I give myself the day to remember her and then rejoice that JOY comes in the morning. I've shed tears today, but I know God is sovereign. I don't have a sister, but God's given me three brothers whom I love with all my heart. The sibling rivalry for me is almost obsolete. It's there, but I'm positive it's not as strong as if I'd had a sister. My dad tells me that when I was little, I didn't want any brothers or sisters. I wanted Mom and Dad all to myself. But, now that I am older, I love, love, love having brothers. I wouldn't trade them for the world. They each hold a very special place in my heart. Two of my brothers have given me two nieces. When I look at my nieces, I see God's grace poured out on me. I am so incredibly blessed to be their aunt. They bring our whole family so much joy. I now get to play babies and dogs and princesses and have tea parties and have them say "Aunt Tepanie come play!" (OK that's Little G. Every time I ask Baby H to say my name, she looks at me like, "You've got to be kidding me!") and buy them gifts.
God is good. ALL THE TIME. I can truly say that. Even on a melancholy day like March 21 is for me, God is good. He's in control and His love overwhelms me. He's got me in the palm of His hand (as He's also got you!). In everything, I can say, God's Got This!
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