Today was my appointment with the podiatrist. He happens to also go to my church. ;) Mom went with me to the appointment and I’m really glad she did because there was a second set of ears to hear what he had to say. It was a great appointment, although by my attitude afterwards, you wouldn’t have been able to tell. I was in some kind of funky mood! I texted Mom to tell her I was sorry. I was just sad, but I’m much better now!!
It turns out Dr. Rankin was right; I do have a hammer toe. Or probably more correctly, toes. He was also correct in saying that my hammer toes are a direct result of the dystonia. Dr. Gardner confirmed all of this, while also saying he could fix it. But that means surgery and unlike the day I saw Dr. Rankin and wanted surgery THAT DAY to take care of the problem, today I was a little bit more hesitant. A funny thing happened when Dr. Gardner explained what he would do if surgery was the path I decided to take. He said he would have to fuse my toes together. I literally said out-loud, “You’re going to fuse all of my toes together?!” He laughed and said, “No. Internally, I will fuse the parts that make up your toe together.” Whew!! I dodged a bullet there!! He left the room briefly to see another patient and I turned to Mom and said, “I really thought he meant he was going to fuse all my toes together!” She comforted me by acknowledging that she thought the same thing!! We got a good laugh out of it. :)
Dr. Gardner wanted to see me walk. I laughed and said that's the one thing I HATE doing in front of doctors. He said, "Just walk normally". I couldn't, because he was watching! It's a catch-22!! Agh!! One of these days, I'm going to gather every doctor who has ever asked me to walk for him in a room and I'm going to walk perfectly in front of them. At least that's my dream! Actually, if I'm being honest, I have dreamt in the past of all of them watching me win an Emmy or Oscar and walking up on stage to receive the award and having no issues. Don't judge. ;)
While at Dr. Gardner's, I got an X-ray of my foot and toes. The X-ray showed where I had broken my toe when I was a teen, which brought up the story that Mom and Dad didn’t believe me when I said I thought I broke it and made me walk on it a week (grant it, we were on vacation!) before taking me to get it checked out. It hasn't been straight since. Haha. Sorry, Mom and Dad, I had to tell it. ;)
Dr. Gardner explained the surgery he would do if that’s the route I’d take. He said he would put what’s called a smart toe (I think that’s the name…I know it was definitely “smart” something!) rod in my toes and it would cause them to lay straight. He said he would also lengthen the tendons in those toes. He started to describe the surgery and it sounded like I wasn’t going to be put to sleep, so I asked. He said normally he would have a patient under deep sedation, but in my case he would probably use general anesthesia. The reason being is that my leg may involuntarily jerk due to the dystonia and that would be bad. He also said the surgery would be about an hour, but in my case, an hour and half probably. When speaking about recovery, he said that he puts most of his patients in a straight shoe/boot, but with me, he’d likely give me a boot/brace that goes all the way up to my knee. This is because he wants my foot to stay at a 90-degree angle and with just a straight shoe, my foot probably would not cooperate. OK, I’m not going to lie, I like being special at times (doesn’t everyone?!), but not when it comes to surgeries and the like. Everything is having to be tweaked because of the dystonia. Oh well. It is what it is!
I was pondering all of the information Dr. Gardner was giving me and really debating if I wanted the surgery. My toe does kill me and I have callouses all over the bottom of my foot that hurt too. I want all of that to get better, but surgery?! Dr. Gardner said the only way for all of that to get better is to have my toes lie flat and they won’t do that without (more) assistance. The deep brain stimulation is only going to get them so straight. He said they would still be curled even if I was at my goal on the electricity. I was still hesitant until he said what would eventually happen if I didn’t do anything. Eventually, my Achilles tendon would just snap one day. Hearing that, snapped me back to reality. ;) I DON’T want that to happen. I really, really, really don’t want another surgery, but if it prevents something worse happening down the line AND it helps me walk better – then I’ve got to do it.
So, I’ve set a surgery date: April 18. It’s after my niece’s first birthday and after Easter (so I can still wear normal shoes to church!). Dr. Gardner said that I have to be off my feet/out of work for a week (I can, thankfully, work from home!!), but after a week, I can slowly get back into the routine of things. It’ll take about 4-6 weeks to completely recover.
This was NOT my plan. This is not necessarily where I wanted to be a year after deep brain stimulation surgery, but God likes throwing me curve balls. I like dodging them. ;) But, if this is God’s plan, then who am I to say no? I am so excited to see where God leads. None of this is cut and dry. I’m a planner, an organizer, a type-A, perfectionist who likes to have everything laid out before me and know where I’m going. But God has different plans. He wants me to be more spontaneous, go-with-flow, trusting and joyful. So, if this is path He’s leading me down; it’s the path I’m going to take!
My co-worker, Debbie, had the catchphrase of the day. She said, “You can now literally say you’ve had surgery from head to toe!” Haha. Yes, yes I can say that. I can also (still!) say that from the top of my head to the tips of my toes, “God’s Got This!”.
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