This past week, walking was a challenge. There’s no denying that. But now, being on the other side of last week, I can look back and declare that God remained faithful through every second of it. Every second. He never left me. I struggled, yes, but I didn’t fall once. That's how good God is. I made it to this week. God is good!
Unfortunately, this past week, I’ve been very, very impatient. So much so, that I let my impatience run a little wild. That was evidenced by how many times I adjusted the electricity in my deep brain stimulation device. I couldn’t wait until today. I went from 3.60 volts last Tuesday, February 21, down to 3.50 volts on Thursday, February 23, back up to 3.80 volts on Friday, February 24, and up to the highest level I could go (4.10 volts) this morning only to take myself back down to 3.90 volts this afternoon. I warned you, I was impatient. ;)
I am very thankful that I can adjust the electrical settings on my own through a remote control. It was on Friday that I adjusted the level of electricity I was on, while I was sitting at my desk at work. I did the same thing today - turning it down, while I was sitting at my desk at work. The inner workings of our bodies and the brain-boggling way that God has provided for man to understand how the brain works and to be able to come up with processes like deep brain stimulation continue to awe and amaze me! I mean, for me to be sitting on my bed or at my desk at work or in a grocery store and be able to change how much electricity is going through my brain and to see how it immediately takes away adverse side effects of the actual stimulation, is just utterly awe-inducing.
This past week, I was impatient and frustrated and just plain worn out, but, you know what? Today, I’m recharging. I'm reminded that God's mercies are new every morning. Joy comes in the morning. So, I’m joyful and grateful. God is so, so good.
God shows His mercies in His perfect time. His perfect time is rarely ever my perfect time, but I trust that He knows best! As I was struggling with impatience and frustration this past week, I received the sweetest gifts from people who probably don’t even know they blessed me in the way they did.
Yesterday, I got a call from a co-worker (who’s not in my department). She asked about a work thing, but then, out-of-the-blue, told me what an encouragement my blog was to her. I was floored. I was humbled. I was so ever grateful to hear her words. She said that she was blessed by my posts. Out-of-nowhere. That’s God’s perfect timing!
Another co-worker (again, someone who’s not in my department) said that she was so blessed and encouraged to see me walking. We then started talking about how it's in the process - no matter how brutal or long it is - that we find God's blessings. It’s in the process that our faith grows. If everything were hunky-dory (haha, I don’t know where that word came from in my brain, but I’m using it!), we wouldn’t long for Jesus like we do when everything’s falling apart. It’s only in the process that our faith grows deeper and our joy comes to fruition. My conversation with this co-worker was exactly what I needed, when I needed it. That's God's perfect timing!
I still have lots of fears. I’m human, so I’ll always have them, but during this journey, this process, God continues to show how ever faithful He is. He continues to love me when I’m unlovable. He continues to bless me when I don’t deserve it. He continues to surprise me when I least expect it.
Yes, the past week wasn’t one of my best, but it was better than where I was last year at this time. I'm growing. I have good days and bad days. I have days when my walking is wonderful. I also have days when walking is less than wonderful. The same goes for my faith. I have days when my faith is strong and days when my faith wavers. But God never wavers. He is strong. He is able. He is everything.
I'll close with this: The Deep Brain Stimulation process requires 3 surgeries (at least mine did). My final surgery was on February 29, 2016 - LEAP Day. This was purely coincidental in the eyes of the world, but I know, it was divine. I believe it was God's humorous way of reassuring me that everything would be OK. It was His way of confirming that He's got me in the palm of His hand and in His perfect timing, I will LEAP again. God's Got This!!!
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