Shouting From the Rooftop: February 7

“But let the one who boasts boast about this: that they have the understanding to know me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on the earth, for in these I delight,” declares the Lord.” Jeremiah 9:24

“May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.” Galatians 6:14 NIV

The above Bible verses have been rolling around in my head for the past week. It’s Tuesday and I’ve been holding on to things to write about in this blog post for a whole week. Yet, as I sit here, I don’t know where to start or what words to use. It’s in times like these that no earthly words describe how I feel. But I’ll try.

Amazing, wonderful, earth-shattering, MIRACULOUS, lovely, freeing, dumb-founded, beautiful, scary, messy, confidence building, faith-affirming, trustful, courage building. OK, those are some words. I hope you’re getting the picture. ;)

Thursday, February 2, 2017 9:57 am: It was time to head to a meeting at work. For whatever reason, I decided to test my faith/courage/confidence. The meeting room was only down the hall. I decided to ditch the cane. Could I do it? I left before two of my co-workers who were going to the same meeting. I decided I needed a little extra time to make it. I got to the conference room on my own two feet. No walker, no cane. I wanted to shout it from the roof-top. No one seemed to notice. After the meeting I walked back with my co-workers and as soon as I sat in my chair, my co-worker, Sarah said, “You did it!!” She said the second I walked by her desk, she got a glimpse of me out of the corner of her eye and she thought she saw me walking on my own. Once I had gone, she looked in my cube and saw my cane. She yelled to Debbie, “Look! Her cane is in her cube!!” To which Debbie asked, “Do you think she forgot it?” Sarah replied, “No, I think she did it on purpose!” My co-workers, knowing me, kept silent until I got safely back to my desk. They knew if they made a big deal of it, I would lose my resolve and quite possibly my gait. They know that one of my biggest fears is walking in front of people. But they noticed. It was a big step (pardon the pun) in boosting my confidence.

Friday, February 3, 2017: As much success as I had had the day before in walking short distances cane-free, it all back-fired on Friday. A little, that is. I felt “wobbly” all day, like I could fall at any moment. I was so frustrated and discouraged. But something beautiful happened on Friday and it changed my whole perspective. My co-worker, Sarah noticed how I walked confidently when there was a wall or a cube or something nearby that I could grab a hold of if need be. But when I got out into wide open spaces, my walking changed and I became less confident and less secure. She flat out said to me: “There is nothing physically different in you when you go from walking near something you can grab a hold of to walking in a wide open space. Why the difference in walking?” That was hands-down the conversation I needed. I did ask myself why I had issues between the two and the only answer I could come up with was fear. I didn’t like that – not one bit. I mulled over that conversation the entire rest of the day and into the night. It was definitely food for thought. Friday, I kept having to look down at my foot when I sat at my desk at work. For the life of me, I couldn’t tell if it was curling under or laying straight. Every time I looked at it, it was straight! After work, I went grocery shopping and something in me changed. I felt my foot lay flat on the floor. My toes didn’t curl under. By the time I got home, I decided to put away the walker that I had been using at home. Yes, while I only used a cane in public, I was actually using a walker at home. More for convenience sake than any other. I didn’t have to “think” about walking when I used it. I didn’t have to try. I also could pile my dinner plate, with my iPhone and magazines and books onto it and get them all to one place and back in one trip instead of having to make multiple trips to carry everything. But Friday, February 3, I ended all of that. I put my walker away.

Saturday, February 4, 2017: I woke up and something crazy happened. I decided that I didn’t need the walker in my car anymore. Again, and to my surprise, my foot laid flat on the ground. My toes weren’t curling, nor was my foot curling. I felt relaxed and free. I thought about going “Facebook Live”, but quickly decided against that. I wanted to be able to “control” the video I wanted to make. So, with iPhone in hand, I started recording. The 4 minute video I posted to Facebook is what happened next. I walked, cane and walker free. I removed the walker from the car. It was a very, very momentous occasion. After the removal of the walker, I ran errands. I have never, ever (in the past almost 12 years) remembered feeling so free. I WALKED. I WALKED. I felt steady and confident and courageous and I couldn’t stop thanking Jesus. With each step it was like a Hallelujah Chorus going off in my head. In the words of my niece, “I did it!” Actually, no, GOD did it!!! I went over to my parent’s house to drop off some chicken noodle soup and crackers (both of them had bad colds/bronchitis). I showed my mom the video and she’s the one that insisted that I post it to Facebook. I didn’t want to because I thought it was too long (4 minutes) and it wasn’t “perfect enough”. I also thought it may be too premature. What if my walking was just a fluke that day and I woke up on Sunday and it was back to me needing to use the walker? But in the end, I heeded her advice and posted it. I was nervous about the response I’d get. For a girl who wanted to be an actress and be in the spotlight, I sure wasn’t acting like that. I needn’t have worried. All of you who watched and commented were so extremely kind. I don’t deserve the kindness you bestowed upon me, but I do thank you from the bottom of my heart. As I was leaving Mom and Dad’s, I told Mom that I would probably use the cane to get in and out of church the next day. Her response? “I wouldn’t.” ;) I mulled over that and decided I would decide what I’d do when I got to church the next day.

Sunday, February 5, 2017: I drove to church and didn’t get to park in my “normal spot” – haha! The devil started early throwing curve balls. ;) But when your God goes before you, stands behind you and is always by your side, you step out on faith and let Him do the rest. And He came through big time. As I started to shakily walk in, I spotted friends, Charlie and Tina, walking in. I asked if I could walk with them to be distracted “just enough” to walk correctly. They walked with me and did just that. They were the life preserver God threw my way! When I got in church, I was able to walk pretty well. Neither Mom nor Dad were at church. Thankfully, it wasn’t Dad’s week to preach. But this meant that I wanted to sit with my brothers and that meant sitting on the very back row. Hope still has to be taken out sometimes when she gets loud or hungry and fussy. Sitting on the back row would have been fine, but I realized that we were having communion and that I’d have to get up and walk up to the front to receive it. Again, God came through. I ended up holding my niece, Genevieve’s hand (she’s 2 ½) and just holding her hand was enough to get me to walk pretty flawlessly up to and back from communion. After church, I went to Walgreens. I didn’t take the cane, just my own two feet. I walked the whole length of the store to pick up something at the pharmacy and I didn’t slip, trip or fall. AMAZING!! God is so, so, so good!!!

Monday, February 6, 2017: I had a choice to make. Would I or would I not walk into work with a cane. As I parked my car and got out, I didn’t get out with the cane. I made into work on my own two feet!!! This is monumental because I haven’t done that in over a decade. NO CANE. NO WALKER. And when I got inside, I took the steps up. Once I got to my floor, I was practically running (OK, not really) because I was so giddy. My co-workers were shocked and thrilled. Heck, I was shocked and thrilled. I made it ALL DAY on my own two feet. When I left work, I took the stairs down. Yes, I took the STAIRS down. I had to take them one at a time (not fluidly like 1, 2, 3…I took one stair, stopped, took another stair, stopped), but I took the stairs!!!!

Tuesday, February 7, 2017 (Today): My co-worker, Sarah asked if I made it a two-for. I didn’t know what she was referring to until she looked in my cube for my cane. Yes, God came through again. No walker. No cane. Today wasn’t without little problems, but I didn’t trip, slip or fall and I used my own two feet ALL DAY long. In my book, that’s a win!

While this past week has been life-changing and wondrous, I’m not perfect. No one is. But when I say I’m not perfect in this context, I’m talking about my walking. While I’m doing it, watching me sometimes, you’ll quickly be able to tell I’m not “normal” yet. While sometimes I walk without issue, other times, I have to take a step, stop, take a step, stop….But even in those times, I know God is working in me. I ask Him every morning to build a mighty fortress around me and keep me safe from falling, tripping or slipping. While God does perform miracles and I do consider what I’m going through a true miracle, He at the same time wants us to use common sense. He gave us a brain for a reason! On that note, I stocked up on Band-Aids, just in case I am to fall. I bought a box of 100 in all different sizes. ;)

One other thing. I think I forgot to mention in my last post that I spent 2 hours with Dr. Tolleson at my appointment on January 31. Two hours. He sat there and adjusted the stimulation in my brain. He watched me walk. He answered questions. Even when his hand was on the door to leave, he turned around and sat back down when I had more questions. I wanted to put this in here so that I’d remember what he did and also to thank him. It’s not often you get a doctor to sit with you for 2 hours and I am forever grateful that he did!

And back to how I began this post. Sometimes, I think it’s all me. I did this. I did that. Nope, nope, nope!!! In reality, it’s God and God Alone. So, if I boast, I must boast in Him. He’s the one who saw my despair and aggravation. He’s the one who has heard every prayer. He’s the one who acts on His own schedule. He’s the one who is healing me and teaching me along the way. I’m the stubborn, impatient mule. If you see me, know that nothing good that's happened/is happening to me is any of my doing. It's all the Lord and His name and His name only should be praised!! However, I do get this: when God lavishes His gifts upon me, I can’t keep quiet about them. So, from every roof top, I want to scream with all I have in me, “Look at what the Lord has done!!! Look at what He continues to do. My God is awesome. He’s mighty and powerful. The defender of the weak and the protector of me. Thank you, Jesus for all you have done, continue to do and will do. Thank you for loving a sinner like me."

Always, always remember that…God’s Got This!!!!!!!!!!