Tune-In-Tuesday: August 28, 2018

My friend, Frieda, posted the above Bible verse today on her Facebook wall and it hit me smack between the eyes. It's just what I needed, when I needed it.

Somehow, somewhere I’ve picked up this idealistic view that if I do this, I’ll be healed or if I do that, everything will go my way. Umm…NO!! It doesn’t work like that. Even though I’m a child a God, life on this Earth will never be perfect – even if that’s what I want. That’s just the truth. God doesn’t promise us a smooth-sailing ride through life. He does promise that He’ll be with us each step, but life is still going to be hard at times because of sin.

The past week’s been rough. I won’t lie. It’s been a struggle to walk. It’s not what I had hoped for after getting my deep brain stimulation battery replaced. Things are supposed to be great, right?! I got my batteries replaced and all is supposed to be well. Ha! It’s not. 😉 Over the week, I kept thinking that walking would get better, but it didn’t. My hand was also giving me problems. I was frustrated, but strangely (or maybe not so strangely!) not without hope. I could say the week was bad, but then again, the whole week wasn’t bad and neither was any whole day – just moments. I am reminded tonight that I didn’t fall - not once. That's ONLY by the grace of God. There were times when I thought I was going to, but praise Jesus, He kept me upright! I'm also highly aware that many, many people have much bigger problems then I do. They are going through things that make my walking issues look like a minor inconvenience. It's all in perspective. I am most certainly blessed!!

I went to a doctor’s appointment on Friday morning (unrelated to the brain stuff), and was given some advice that I took to heart. What if, now that the battery is brand new, I don’t need to be on the level I was on before it was replaced? It made sense. And I did feel that I was getting too much electricity. I hadn’t changed the settings though because it hadn’t been two weeks after the surgery yet and I wanted to make sure that I gave the setting enough time to adjust before changing it. But there were signs that I had too much: my foot wouldn’t lie flat on the ground and I was having spasms in my leg. My hand was twitching and making weird involuntary movements. I also felt very off-balance. Last week was just not fun. Not that every week must be fun, but hopefully you get what I mean. 😉

Sunday afternoon (after nearly face-planting on the sidewalk walking into church!), I decided I HAD to do something. So, I took the electricity down. I was at 3.20 volts and I took it down to 3.00. Almost immediately my hand was more relaxed. The foot remained to be seen. As I stated earlier it takes a good 2 weeks for everything to have a chance to work, but some subtle things can be seen right away (in my case, my hand). By yesterday evening, I was contemplating turning it down even more. This morning, I did turn it down more. Now it’s at 2.70. I worry that it’s too low, but I’ll give it at least a day or two. I have to have faith and trust that my foot will hold me. So far though, I’ve felt a million times better. I have no idea why I didn't take the electricity down sooner than I did but I choose to believe it was all in God's time.

I firmly believe that God uses the difficult situations in our lives to draw us closer to him. While walking was rough, my prayer life has never been so on par! Nor has my Bible reading. 😉 Now I say this a little tongue-in-cheek, but it is SO TRUE at the same time. When everything in life is going great, my prayer life and my Bible reading tend to go by the waste side (just being honest), but when things are tough, that’s when I’m in constant contact with God. I have grown and am continuing to grow in my relationship with Jesus. For someone like me who always feels like I must be in control of things, it’s hard for me sometimes to realize that God knows what He’s doing. I constantly want to grab the reins from Him and tell Him, “No – it’s this way!”, but God’s got a firm grip and doesn’t allow me to deter Him. He takes me on a wild ride sometimes, but it’s always the best, most breath-taking, adventurous, beautiful ride I’ve ever been on. So, even during the rough weeks, I can loudly proclaim that God’s Got This!

Tune-In-Tuesday: August 21, 2018

Since I just wrote a blog post on Saturday and that post was more of a book then a post, I promise to keep this post short!

I walked a lot better on Sunday then I thought I was going to – praise Jesus! At church there were no parking spots! That is a VERY good thing to have at church!! I had to park in the overflow parking out past the shed (for those that go to church with me). I thought about driving around and around and lurking, waiting for someone to leave, but then I thought, maybe I could do it - walk the distance. So, I put my brave face on and with God's help, I did it. I was very, very slow, but I did it. I walked without falling. Thank the Lord!! I did it on the way back to the car after church as well, except for the very end when my friend, Savannah walked with me. We had communion on Sunday and I held the hand of my niece, Hope, and walked up, through and back from communion without issue. Sometimes all it takes is the simple touch of a two-year old's hand to bring steadiness to my gate.

As I was doing my Bible reading, I found this verse and fell in love with it:

I’m still not up to par with how I had been walking before the battery surgery, but I do have faith that I will get there eventually. This whole deep brain stimulation process has been a learning experience, but also a growing experience. Maybe it's in the standing still that the Lord will reveal His mighty plan!

I don't recall that I've ever shared a picture of what the battery looks like. Obviously, it's under my skin, but here's a pre-op picture with the old battery:

You can obviously see the bulge. When I first got this 2 and ½ years ago, I was embarrassed by it, wanting to cover it up, but now, I look at it as a badge of honor. Every scar tells a story and boy do mine have a story. ;)

Itching means healing, right? Since yesterday, my surgery scar has been itching like crazy. I was allowed to take the big bandage off on Monday, but was told that I should let the steri-strips fall off by themselves.

All that for this:

The first attempt at an IV left its mark on me:

I worked out for the first time since the surgery this morning. I exercised on my stationary bike. I feel like I need to give yoga another week off since I use a lot of arm muscles for that. I don’t want to accidentally undo something that doesn’t need to be undone (surgery wise). ;) Plus, my yoga instructor is on vacation this week, so I didn’t have yoga tonight. I think by next week, I’ll be ready to do it again. In place of yoga, I felt the need to vacuum my entire house this morning at 6:30 am. Who does that? Obviously, I do, when I get the urge.

I think that's all for this post. See, short(er)!! I hope everyone reading this has a wonderful week and if you’re thinking about deep brain stimulation, let me know, I’d love to talk with you about it. As always, God’s Got This!

Tune-In-Tuesday (but on a Saturday): August 19, 2018 Post-Op

Hi all! Thanks for stopping by and for reading a second post from me in a week's time! I just wanted to give an update since my last post.

Ya'll know (if you've been reading) that I'm type A. I like order and planning and consistency. God likes to rock the boat sometimes with me; but only to help me grow! Since my last post, there was a plot twist. Every good story or book needs a plot twist, right?! I was all set to have the battery in my deep brain stimulation device replaced on Friday morning, when I got a call on Wednesday from the neurosurgeon's office asking if I could get it done on Thursday night instead. The neurosurgeon's schedule was having to be rearranged. So, all my "planning" went out the door and I agreed to have it done on Thursday (August 16) night instead of the next morning. I contacted my mom and dad to see if one of them were available Thursday night to take me. Mom said that she thought Thursday night would be even better than Friday morning listing that I could just go home and go to bed right after and I wouldn't have to get up at the crack of dawn to go to the hospital. She calmed me down! My friend, Kristen, texted me on Thursday morning and said she would be praying for me on Friday. When I told her that the surgery actually got moved up to Thursday night, her response was almost verbatim of what my Mom had said the day before, to which I replied, "How are you not my mom's child?"!! Seriously! Lots of people take Fridays or maybe Mondays off to get their batteries recharged, by going for a long weekend to the mountains or the lake or just a stay-cation. But I took a long weekend (Friday) to LITERALLY get my battery replaced. I'm half bionic once again. ;)

I worked a full day on Thursday and left the office around 4:00 pm. I had to be at the hospital at 5 pm for a 7:30 pm surgery. I won't lie. I was nervous. I really don't like being put under. Not because I get sick, it's just that I have this fear of being put to sleep and never waking up again. It's irrational and silly, but that's my fear nonetheless. It felt weird getting to the hospital when everyone else was leaving the hospital! :) I registered, got my hospital wrist band, signed papers and then Mom and I arrived at the surgical waiting room where we waited.

A nurse came out and said that there was one patient before me. She offered us a private room to wait in until the surgery but we opted to stay in the waiting room. So we waited. Work followed me to the hospital as all the waiting room TV's were set to HGTV! So we watched that until another nurse, Emily, came and got us. Once we were ushered back to a room, we realized we had made a mistake earlier in not taking that nurse up on the private room. ;) It was MUCH nicer/comfortable then the waiting room! I had a bed to lie in and Mom had a reclining chair. Oh well. You live and learn!

This was before the IV. The hospital gown was HUGE and I felt like it was swallowing me up. I'm smiling though because this is the first surgery since DBS that I've had hair going into it and coming out after it! Also, it's become a "thing" for me to take pre-op pics. ;)

Back in the pre-op area, I got an IV. The nurse couldn't get the line going the first time in my arm because I was dehydrated. She ended up getting one in my hand. Mom told me later that she never allows them to get it in her hand because it hurts the worse. Today my arm aches and I have a nice bruise starting to develop. I told the nurse that I've been through brain surgery and more, but the worse part is getting the IV. I can't watch. I can see it afterwards in me and I can watch medical shows galore and others getting IV's but I'm a big baby when it comes to getting an IV myself. I also can never become diabetic, because I want to faint every time my finger is pricked. Like even typing this into the blog, I want to faint. What is my problem?!?!

See! I can take pictures and look at this AFTER it's in, but I almost faint as it goes in. (Kristen, skip over this picture, you'll faint!)

I got purple socks to wear (no yellow socks this time. I guess I'm not a fall risk...or maybe they have a different color scheme - ha!). Mom and I told the nurse that my brother is an ER doctor at the hospital. She asked what his name was and said she knew who he was but didn't know him personally. I was texting back and forth with him so he told me to tell her hi. ;)

Purple socks, purple gown!

The first doctor to come in was the anesthesiologist. He was super great and eased my worries. Mom asked him why I was going under general instead of local anesthesia. He said local was an option as was twilight, but he explained that it's easier to do the surgery under general when possible. The area where my battery is located makes it hard for a local and there's really not enough room for both the neurosurgeon and the anesthesiolgist to work in the OR around the same spot - they'd be getting in each others way. He gave other reasons as well, but in the end general sounded better and better. ;) He said it would either be him or his co-worker that would be the main anesthesiologist during my surgery - you know shift changes and everything. ;) But he promised, whether it was him or his co-worker, they would make sure they woke me up! And, since you're reading this, they kept their promise!

After the anesthesiologist, a representative with Medtronic came and spoke with me and Mom. Medtronic is the company that creates the electrical system that I have in me now. Two guys had this idea that maybe a battery-operated electrical device could be used to shock an irregular heartbeat back into rhythm. And that's how both the heart pacemaker and Medtronic were born. I personally think how awesome God is to give people the brains to think of these things. It went from 2 guys with an idea and has turned into a company with thousands of employees all over who have saved more lives than I can imagine. While they first started with just pacemakers for the heart, along the years they came up with a system to help the brain. I've been told from the beginning that I have a "pacemaker for the brain" and it's so true!

What struck me was that the Medtronic rep didn't bring in the huge remote I was expecting. She came in with an iPad. Just this week, Medtronic started using this new system that works with an iPad. The rep said that my neurologist, Dr. Tolleson, just got his iPad that day. This is what floored me and also made me really proud: She said that my neurologist, Dr. Tolleson was part of the group of doctors who invented this new method of being able to check on patient's systems with this iPad. HE helped invent the system!!! How amazing is that?! This new system means I no longer have to be tethered to the remote when I go see Dr. Tolleson. No more wire hookups and such. I asked, jokingly, if the device shows a depleted battery picture when the battery is low. I was so picturing this in mind and it turns out that is exactly how it is. She showed me the iPad and there's a depleted battery image on it!

Mom asked the rep if this new battery would only last 2 and 1/2 years like the old battery. On this, we kind of got bad news. She said that no one likes to hear this, but actually the second battery has less of a lifespan than the first. The reason is, the first battery was not activated until a month after it was surgically implanted. Then, when it was activated, I was started out on the lowest dose of electricity and increased it as needed until I'm where I'm at today. The new battery will be active instantly and will be at full electrical force from the get-go, so it will "die" faster than the first battery. So now I have something to go by. I know that the battery will last less than 2 and 1/2 years, but I don't know how long. Once this new battery dies, I'll know exactly how long I have with the next battery and the battery after that.

I've recently been thinking hard on how God uses trials, tribulations, difficulties, setbacks and more in our lives so that we can help others. His greatest command is to love one another. I love when I hear a story of a person who had cancer and when he/she was better, he/she went to medical school and became an oncologist. Doctor's who have experienced what a patient goes through, in my opinion, are the absolute best. I don't hope to go to medical school and become a doctor, but I do hope that my experiences can help someone else. If it helps just one person, it would all be worth it. Mom said that I'm one of Medtronics success stories. Ya'll for 10 YEARS...YEARS, I walked with a walker. And then deep brain stimulation happened and it changed my life. Yes, I still have some major problems, but, I would do the surgery again in a heartbeat because it has given me so much freedom. If you're reading this and debating whether or not to do DBS - debate no more - DO IT!! How blessed am I to have been given this opportunity to have this surgery?! It's not perfect by any means, but it's a life changer and I will be forever grateful for it!

After the Medtronic representative finished with us, the surgeon came in and spoke with us. It was actually the first time I met him. Yes, that's true. I met with his physician's assistant before, but this was my first time actually meeting him. I can say this now that everything is done. I didn't want backlash on never having met my surgeon until the night of the surgery - haha! ;) Talk about putting your life into the hands of someone you've never met! I did research him though before the surgery and every single nurse or PA or doctor that I met from the time of my first appointment at his office until Thursday night in the hospital raved about him. Every single one of them. And when Mom and I met him, we both felt instantly at ease with him. Dr. Boyer knows his stuff and calmed me down. He spent a good deal of time with me. He also said that his last patient was just being wheeled into recovery so it would be about a half hour until my surgery would begin. When he left, Mom and I both said that we had an instant calm about him. He was super sweet and when asked (by me!) if he'd had his coffee and if he were wide awake and if he had steady hands, he calmed me right down in saying YES to everyone of my questions and giving us a little of his background. He used to perform surgeries all the time overnight. Whew!! Thanks, God!

When Mom and I were alone in the room, she prayed with me. She knows how anxious I get and how to calm my nerves. Jesus is always with me.

After Dr. Boyer left, the OR nurses came in and gave me "happy juice". That stuff is amazing. I don't really know what it is, but I care about NOTHING when given it. All is right with the world. ;) Mom gave me a kiss and left. I remember being wheeled into the OR and getting on the table and getting oxygen. The OR nurse said she'd be with me the whole time and the next I thing I knew I was in the recovery room. The recovery room nurse told me her name was Joan. I instantly forgot it and asked a couple of minutes later what it was again. This time she said it was Joan like Joan of Arc. That time, her name stuck with me! Mom came back and helped me get dressed. Nurse Joan asked if I wanted anything to eat or drink. All I wanted was saltines, so that's what she gave me. She gave me some oral pain meds, removed my IV and Mom and I busted out of the hospital. As we were driving away, I asked Mom, "Do you have my clothes?" to which she responded, "You're wearing them!" Aww, yes, drugs are good when used properly....I was totally out of it.

Mom stopped at the pharmacy and got my pain med script filled and we headed to her and Dad's house. I'd been wanting ice cream as my "reward" and recovery meal. I even told the anesthesiologist this. He said that he would give me meds so that I could enjoy the ice cream afterwards and not get sick from it. ;) I hadn't eaten since the night before, so I made it a whole 24 hours plus with no food. We got to Mom and Dad's around 10:30 pm. And first things first: I got the ice cream and it was glorious. I got ALL the ice cream. Mom had two kinds. She started me out with two scoops of Oreo ice cream and when I requested more, but of the mint ice cream this time, she gave me an entire bowl of that. Then she said she had raspberries (my ultimate favorite fruit), so I put the raspberries on top of the mint ice cream and came up with my new favorite flavor. It was heavenly!!

This is not the best picture, because I had eaten half of it already, but oh did I enjoy this!!

Unexpectedly (to me), I wasn't quite ready to head to bed, so Mom and I watched HGTV (I mean come on, what else would we watch? She HAS to support me - haha!) for a little bit and then went to bed. I slept great in G and H's playroom on the bottom bunk. Ya'll just don't know how much I love having nieces (or maybe you do!). Mom has a designated room just for them at her and Dad's house and it's filled with everything they could possibly want! So sleeping in there was like sleeping in every girls dream room. :)

Friday I woke up and was very pleasantly surprised that I wasn't in much pain at all. I was mainly just sore. My head hurt worse than the surgery site. I had a dull ache of a headache all day and it felt like I was clenching my jaw, but I wasn't. These were just all effects of the previous night's surgery and the anesthesia. I told Mom that it felt like I had had surgery on my brain again. I could only look at my phone or the computer for short periods of time without feeling nauseous or having to lay down. So, as much as I love getting on Facebook and Instagram or blogging, I couldn't do either for very long. I stayed away from blogging until today. Facebook and Instragram, I got on for a few minutes at a time. I spent all day Friday at my parent's lounging around and eating their food - ha! :) But, Mom brought me back to my house last night. I got sick feeling on the drive over, but didn't get sick, so when I got home I just went to sleep. Mom's words as I shut the door to the car, "Don't be afraid to take medicine!" She knows me so well - haha! I don't like taking medicine, unless I absolutely have to. But, I slept great last night, no pain meds needed.

Today's been great as well. I've been sleeping off and on. I got flowers from my friend, Savannah. She's been texting with me as well.

Another friend, Rebekah, brought brownies over and visited for awhile.

Another friend, Tina called. I got a bunch of text messages from friends and co-workers right after the surgery. Thank you to everyone!!! I'm finally feeling like myself again, minus some soreness from the surgery spot. I have to keep the incision bandage on until Monday (three full days), but then can have the air hit it. So it's sponge baths and dry shampoo for me. I'll be sure to put deodorant on too and brush my teeth when I go to church tomorrow. ;) I am having difficulty walking however. I'm not as steady as I was before the surgery. This is where my blog helps. I wanted to make absolutely sure that I was on the same frequency and amount of electricity that I was on before the surgery, even though they said that I was. So, I went back to my blog postings and found one from March that listed my settings. I'm where I'm supposed to be. :)

The Medtronic rep thought that maybe Dr. T. had put me at a different level to extend the length of the battery, but according to my blog, he didn't and I'm on the correct level. So, why am I not walking like I did before the surgery? I think that has to do with the device being turned off and the battery being replaced and then activating the device again. I probably was without the electricity for 30 minutes to an hour, so that can effect my walking. God's just teaching me more patience. I have to be still (haha, see what I did there?!) and know He is God. He works everything out for HIS good. If you read this tonight and see me tomorrow at church (or elsewhere), you'll know why I might be struggling a bit. But then again, God is God and He's got all power. I could be walking miraculously well tomorrow.

Thanks again for all the prayers and for reading this book-length blog post! In everything, I always know that God's Got This!

Tune-In-Tuesday: August 14, 2018

I had my pre-surgery registration last Wednesday. Turns out it was just a lot of paperwork. I had blood work done in July for an annual physical, so I didn’t have to get it redone (the perks of having an internist who is associated with the hospital!). Here's something funny that happened: When the nurse called me back, she had to get my weight and height first. As I walked through the door she instructed, “put everything you don’t want to get weighed here on this table.” So, I asked, “Can I sit on the table?” It took her a second, but then she burst out laughing and said, “No, it’s just for your purse and paperwork!"

Part of the pre-surgery protocol is to get an EKG. Not one of us (the nurse, the tech administrating the test or myself) thought about the fact that I have a battery running inside of me, until the tech ran the test and it didn’t work. The electricity messed the entire test up. In the end, they said that I didn't necessarily have to have the test after all. 😉

It literally took two and half hours to get everything done with pre-registering. But, since I was at the hospital that my brother works at, I texted him when I was done to see if he was working. He texted back and said he was and it was “slow” then so if I wanted to, I could stop by. Of course, I wanted to. So I took a trip to the ER, but not as a patient. 😉

As much as I like medical stuff (watching medical shows, learning about medical conditions, hearing stories of life in the ER), I don't actually like being a patient and having medical procedures. Who does? So, I've been trying my best to NOT think about the battery replacement until I absolutely have to. The procedure is set for this Friday (the 17th) at 6am (or at least that's when I have to be there).

In real life, I am very timid and anxious and definitely an introvert, but, there is a side of me that likes thrills, that likes to push the limits, that likes things that go fast and may be just a tiny bit dangerous. I've mentioned in the past my new-found love of riding a motorcycle. I also LOVE tubing. My uncle, aunt and cousins were visiting from Michigan this past week and they brought their boat with them. I got to go out on Saturday with them and I had a blast. I love being on the water, but what thrilled me the most was tubing. I had slightly forgotten the feeling of it and must admit the first time out it took my breath away, but it was just what I needed. There were several times that had I not been holding tight to the tube, I would have ended up in the lake. It was so thrilling and so fun. I screamed my lungs out, but not in fear, in pure joy. It was an immense stress-reliever. It was just what I needed!

I can tell that the battery is wearing down as I'm getting spasms in my legs and foot again that had all but gone away. There are other signs too, but my prayer is that the battery won't completely die until it's replaced on Friday. So far, I haven't fallen any. I've been a little less steadier on my feet at times, but again, the Lord has blessed me with no falls.

I saw this today and thought I'd share it here. I have often times stopped and thought of what God may have protected me from that I didn't even know about. Don't we serve an amazing God who knows our needs before we even know them and who protects us from things we didn't even know we needed protecting from? AMAZING. I'm in awe. Are you?

May everyone reading this have a wonderful week and always remember, God's Got This!!

Tune-In-Tuesday: August 7, 2018

And just like that, we are already one week into August. AUGUST!!! Where has the year gone?! That phrase, " The days can be long, but the years are short.", is not just true of rearing children (this is where I hear that phrase used the most), but of LIFE in general.

I've had a busy, great week. I'm not what you call a "social butterfly". My calendar is not usually chock full. But, it seems, when I do have events, they all happen on the same day or in the same week. That's how this past week went. It was full of happy events and celebrations: from birthdays to weddings. I wish that my walking played along a little better, but I have to admit, it was a little more difficult. Oh, it was by no means horrible, just a little more challenging. But challenging is nothing new.

In my Bible readings this past week, I finished Deuteronomy and am now in Joshua. What's struck a chord with me is how many times Joshua was told to be strong and courageous. Lest he forget, he is told over and over and over again. I believe that Jesus wants us all to be strong and courageous, no matter our circumstances. If God can make the sun stand still and the oceans dry up so that His people can walk through on dry ground, He can certainly handle any situation in our lives. We must be strong and courageous. I, myself do not particularly think of myself as strong and courageous - not by a mile. But that command is for me just as much as it's for Joshua and for all of you. So, though I stumble through life, I must be strong and courageous. I fail at this constantly, but God's always there to pick me back up and dust me off and have me try again.

Does your prayer life increase when things in your life go awry? I know mine does! I hate to admit that, but it's true. I saw this quote and fell in love with it:

So pray, pray, pray! At least that's what I get from the quote. :) Life is better when you pray!

Lately, I've really been consciously practicing the "thank you" prayer. I ask and ask and ask in prayer and then when God answers, I forget to thank Him. So, I've been consciously remembering to thank Him for answering.

I'm still set to have my DBS battery changed on August 17, except now instead of surgery at noon, I'm first in at 6am. Tomorrow I go for pre-anesthesia testing. I'm not exactly sure what that is, but I guess I'll find out tomorrow. ;)

Because I know you're all dying to know, I'm still keeping up with my push-ups and guess what? They're getting easier. And I'm getting a little definition in my arms. I said a little! :) Progress is being made and I'm ecstatic. Just keep at it. That's a good motto for everything in life: Just keep at it. Strive for progress. Strive to make Jesus proud of you. Strive to always remember, God's Got This!