I’m not going to lie, this past week has been trying. It's been hard. How can such a “little” (haha) thing as walking be so darn difficult sometimes?! I ask myself this all the time. At one point in life, I did it without thinking. At another point in life, I did it with assistance. And still at yet another point in life, I’m doing it with the knowledge that I’m a thousand times better than I used to be, but still so very far from where I want to be. Walking like I did last week and am continuing to do this week, frustrates me to no end. And yet, God is still good. He still has me. He still shows up. He still allows me to see beauty in ashes. Thank you, Jesus!
Holy Week (the week leading up to Easter) is my favorite week of the year. Even more so than my birthday week (and if you know me, you know I LOVE celebrating my birthday!). I love everything about Holy Week. The significance of it. The remembrance of it. From Maundy Thursday, to Good Friday through Easter – I love celebrating it. I also know Satan hates this and he’ll do anything in his power to steal my joy. But not this year. Oh, he tried and sometimes, somewhat succeeded, but I fought back and it was a beautiful thing.
Since last Tuesday night, I have not walked well. I’ve struggled significantly. I can and do chalk it up to several factors including stress, excitement (even good excitement sometimes affects me negatively when it comes to walking), emotions, and that time of the month (sorry if that’s too much information!). However, I think the main reason this time around might just have been Satan himself. He tried at every point to steal my joy. I got stressed, worried, anxious, but God allowed me to see that in myself and (for the most part) turn it around. So, while I didn’t lose joy, I did lose my balance, my confidence (somewhat) and my ability to walk the way I want to. BUT, through all that, I found my joy, as weird as that sounds!
For those that heard my dad’s sermon on Sunday, I promise you, I’m not stealing from it. This Easter, I decided that I wanted to attend the sunrise service at church. Every year, I’ve wanted to attend and yet every year, I decide that I’m too tired! But this year, this was the year that I made it to the sunrise service! No sooner had I stepped out of my car, then I tripped and fell. As I was picking myself up, I almost laughed. Satan was trying once again to steal my joy. I wasn’t going to allow him to do so. It was as I was picking myself up that I told him, “Not today, Satan, not today. You’ve tried, but no matter what – whether I keep falling, or walk perfectly – you’re not stealing my joy.” Little did I know my dad was preaching on our journey in life and a big chunk of the sermon was about joy. So again, I promise you, I didn’t steal this lesson from my dad’s sermon, although, isn’t it so cool how God works? That, and I’m definitely my father’s daughter! ;)
I’ve talked about being “perfect” in other posts on this blog. When I fell on Sunday, I definitely wasn't feeling perfect. I skinned my knee and bled. But, I had a choice to make. Would I let it ruin Easter? In that moment, God allowed me to shift my perspective. God didn't cause me to fall, but He used the situation for good. In that fall, God allowed me to see (again!) that it's not about me. I'm not the one in control - He is. Sometimes I must be brought to my knees to fully grasp how great a God I serve. I tend to get a “me” complex. It’s all about me. I also think I am the only one who can make things better. This simply is not so. Falling is not pleasant. It hurts and it’s downright humiliating, but if it happens so that I am thrown off my high horse, then so be it. I tried, but I simply can’t put into words what happened to me spiritually when I fell on Sunday. It literally happened in all of 30 seconds, but it was profound and it was perfect, even if it was caused by a most imperfect act.
I’m not sure if any of the above makes sense. Words are escaping me now. I can’t express how God used a humiliating, hurtful, humbling, imperfect situation to show me His perfect love for me. Just know that I’m forever grateful for falling on Easter morning. I can’t believe I just wrote that, but it’s true! "Because he lives, I can face tomorrow. Because he lives all fear is gone. Because I know he holds the future and life is worth the living just because he lives." I am so very thankful and so very humbled knowing that in ALL things, God’s Got This!
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