The Sweet Spot

It's not Tuesday, but I decided to write another post any way because I did something I never in a million years thought I would have done: I turned the electricity in my deep brain stimulation device DOWN. Yep, you read that right, I turned it down. The past couple of days have not been very good in regards to walking. Don't get me wrong, I still haven't used the walker while being out (I'll admit to using it at home. I have tile floor and after walking with the cane all day, I'm tired at night, so I use it.), but Wednesday and Thursday led me to believe I had the electricity up just a little too much.

Wednesday morning, I tripped. I didn't fall, just tripped. It was actually rather comical. I was walking with my boss back from a meeting. I even walked up and down stairs! I was walking and talking with him when my co-worker, Leslie, walked by us. She said, "I know you don't like people watching you walk, but you're doing so good!", and right on cue....yep, you guessed it, I epically tripped. ;) It was totally NOT her fault. What I tried to do was look back (we were passing in the hall) to tell her thank you and that's when I tripped. Like, ran into the wall, tripped. :) But, I didn't fall! We all actually got a good laugh out of it. I told my boss that, obviously, walking wasn't automatic for me. Like I can't walk and chew gum at the same time, although in this case it was walk and try to look back at the same time.

Wednesday afternoon, I fell. Thankfully, not in front of anyone. :) I'd say I didn't get hurt, but I do have a nice bruise on my knee. Other than that, I didn't get hurt. I'm very thankful for that! What bothered me about this fall was I wasn't in front of anyone. Not that I don't fall when people aren't watching. I do, all the time! I just had no reason to be nervous, or anxious, or scared. This is kind of embarrassing, but also epically me (those that know me really well will get a huge laugh out of it!) so I'll tell it: I fell in the bathroom at work - haha. I was ENTERING the bathroom, so don't get any thoughts in your mind as to how I fell. ;) Thankfully (again), I was the only one in there!! It was embarrassing enough, let alone me having to explain to people who may have been in one of the stalls what happened! I just went down. Not in one of those graceful manners either where you just slide to the floor. No, it was a full on ugly, hard, wearing a dress and using a cane fall. I'm SO thankful this didn't happen outside work where a security camera could of caught it. It was NOT pretty!! Anyway, I jumped up, dusted myself off and went on with my day.

Wednesday evening, my ever-faithful friend and co-worker, Debbie walked out with me to my car in the "dreaded" parking garage at work (and if you're wondering why I call it that, read my last post. It really isn't all that bad.). I got out fine and headed to church. I parked in a handicap parking space closest to the side door. Normally, this door is always locked, however the previous Wednesday night it wasn't, so I thought that might just be a Sunday morning occurrence. I really wanted it to be unlocked, because it only took a few steps for me to get to it. But, alas, it was locked. I just thought to myself, "Well, God wants me to practice walking. I'll be fine with Him beside me." and walked to the main door. It was slow and somewhat scary, but I did it with just the cane. I also had a sweet woman stop me and tell me that she was praying for me. She said, "Stephanie, you don't really know me (we go to different Sunday morning services), but I hear about you through your grandmother and I've been praying for you and I just wanted you to know that." She's right, I don't really know her, although we do worship together on Wednesday nights, but she was so sweet to stop me and tell me she was praying for me. And she knew my name. That's HUGE in my book. To know and remember someone's name means you care. So I will never forget that moment when Dot stopped me to tell me she was praying for me! Thank you, Dot.

I was hoping all I needed was a good nights sleep on Wednesday night and I'd feel better on Thursday, but Thursday I woke up and knew something was off. Not even exercise could help. In fact, it was during my work-out that I noticed that my foot and toes were cramping up and curling in like before. My hand and fingers were also curling in and cramping up. I knew this was a sign of too much electricity, but I put that aside and went on to work. I made it into work fine just using the cane, but once in, I couldn't walk right to safe my life. And it was like that ALL DAY LONG. Medicine didn't help. Nothing helped. I didn't fall. I think that's only because I was EXTRA, EXTRA cautious. It was so bad though that at one point, Debbie asked if she should go get my walker from the car. I told her no. In my eyes, that would have been a failure (I know, it's not...that's just the way I was thinking yesterday). I made it through the work day. Debbie walked out to the parking garage with me and this time, I had to have her help to make it to my car without falling. I held on to her arm and we made it. Justin was there too to give moral support, although he said he wasn't against piggyback rides - haha. :) I made it to the car. I told Debbie that I kind of felt like a failure and she reassured me that I wasn't. I did what I had to do to function. I am SO thankful for friends who say just the right thing at just the right time! Thursday evening was lovely with dinner at my parent's house with all of my Mom's side of the family. They are all in town to celebrate my grandmother's 90th birthday. I walked fine on my parent's carpet (which has always been the case).

I prayed fervently last night on what I should do about the electricity in the DBS. The only hesitation I had about turning it down yesterday was the fact that my co-worker, Debbie said she had had a headache all day and was feeling a little off balance herself, which is not like her. We both wondered if something in the barometric pressure or the atmosphere had anything to do with both of us having an "off" day. I didn't want to lower the electricity if it was just something in the air that was messing with it for a day or two. So I prayed. I decided that if I woke up this morning feeling the same as I did on Thursday morning, I would turn it down.

This morning I woke up and walking was no better. So I prayed again and decided to turn it down. I went from 3.20 volts back down to 3.00 where I saw the most improvement. Almost instantly, my hand relaxed and that's when I knew I made the right decision - at least for now. I walked into work with just the cane. I had my usual problems, but nothing like the past couple of days. I didn't feel like I couldn't get up from my desk chair and walk around like I had the past couple of days. I walked out of work like I had been before the last couple of days. Thank you, Jesus! I still feel the "pulling" and "curling" and "twisting" in my foot, but I suspect it may take a couple of days to calm down a little considering it took a couple of days to go crazy too. ;) I'm very, very, very thankful that I have the ability to adjust the settings and "play" with them to see what suits me best. I've got to find that "sweet spot" where there's not too much nor too little electricity running through my body causing jerky, uncontrollable movements. It's definitely a balancing act and there is definitely a very, very fine line between too much and too little!!

I'll report back on Tuesday (if not before) to let you know how things are going. I'm still amazed at how many of you choose to read and follow along on this journey with me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your love, encouragement and prayers. I am blessed by every single one of you!!