Since last week, I've seen tiny, minuscule improvements in my walking. It may or may not look like that to others, but however tiny, they are there. So, I will celebrate the tiny, minuscule improvements like they were big, over-the-top improvements because improvement no matter how minuscule is still improvement - praise Jesus!
I used the walker to get into church last Wednesday night. I didn't want to have to "fight" to walk, so I took the easy way out and used it. Someone asked when I was going to get rid of having to use it. This person asked in the most kind, sincere way and I was NOT in the least bit offended or put off by it. They were generally curious about it. So, I used my dad as my excuse - ha!! My dad has told me in the past that he would feel so much better if I just used a cane or a walker in parking lots (specifically the church parking lot) when I didn't feel steady just so that I would not fall. He's told me, "You can just use it to get in and out. If you feel like you can walk in church without it just park the walker and you don't have to use it." So, I finally stopped being stubborn and took his advice. I can't really answer people with a definitive answer on when I won't use the walker or cane anymore. It's just wait and see with me.
The rest of the week, I practiced walking. Practiced walking. Who would have ever thought that at my age I would have to practice how to walk?! I (think I) know why God allows us to learn how to walk when we are just toddlers. For one, we're closer to the floor (therefore not having a long way to fall) and padded in diapers so when we fall we don't hurt ourselves as much. We also don't remember how it hurts to fall. And, we can crawl and it's an acceptable form of transportation. I mean I guess we could still crawl now but well, you know, most people don't!
Anyway, back to last week. I practiced walking. Some days I was steady, other days, not so much, but I didn't fall. (Just FYI, I don't use the walker or cane when I am at home. I am able to walk without them, it's just that I lose confidence sometimes when I'm out in the world.) On Sunday, I stopped by Walgreens on my way to church to pick up some pictures. I wasn't very steady and I wasn't feeling confident. I was definitely feeling like I was going to have to use the walker to get around. But then I got out of the car and walked in without a walker, without a cane. Wait - what just happened?!!!! I literally went from one second thinking, "I'm going to have to use the walker" (not even just the cane, but the walker!) to the very next second walking with my own two feet. How?! It was all God. By the time I got to church, I again was not sure what I would use (if anything) to get around. I got cold feet and ended up using the cane. But I used the cane and not the walker - progress! I didn't fall!! Today, as I was on Facebook, I saw a memory of what I posted 7 years ago: "Sometimes all that's needed is 2 seconds of bravery." That, my friends, is my life.
As I was beginning to put this blog post together yesterday, I got a phone call. I didn't recognize the number and was sure it was a robocall for the extended warranty on my car (those things are no joke! I get them every single day). But it was a local number, so I picked it up. I am so glad I did! It was my neurologist's nurse. At first I was thinking, "Did I forget to pay my bill? Did I miss an appointment?" But it was none of that. She was calling to tell me that Dr. T. got my thank you letter. He wanted her to call me to tell me thank you for it and that he really appreciated it. He also wanted her to tell me that he is a bit older than me - ha! If you've been reading my blog for awhile, I think I've written before that I think Dr. T. is my age. I actually put that in the letter - ha! So that mystery is solved. Although now I really want to know how old he actually is. :) Anyway, how sweet was that? I got a call just to inform me that my neurologist got my letter and he really appreciated it. I'm including this in the blog 1) so that I'll remember that I received a thank you call and 2) to encourage you to write a thank you card to someone you don't normally write thank you cards to but that really deserves your thanks. I will admit, after writing the letter I didn't put it in the mailbox until the next day. I grappled with it. I was kind of embarrassed to send it actually. I mean, who writes a thank you card to their doctor?! But then again, maybe people do and I'm behind the times?! What got me to actually put it in the mailbox was a comment on my blog post from my godmother who said that she thought it was great that I wrote him a thank you card. And even then, I put it in the mailbox, but the mail had already come that day, so I debated for another 24 hours on whether I should just take it out of the mailbox. But I didn't. And when I saw that the mail was picked up, I panicked a little. There was nothing I could do then. Unless it got lost in the mail, he would get it. Then I got SUPER self-conscious about it. It was definitely outside of my comfort zone. But in the end it turned out great and now he knows he's appreciated and I know he's older than me. :)
I was reading something about the actress Selma Blair. She has MS. As I was reading this article, I was pleasantly surprised to see she mentioned dystonia! Dystonia can be its own condition/disease, but it can also be a symptom of other diseases like MS. She also mentioned one of my favorite words: proprioception. I just feel smarter when I say that word! It means where your arms and legs are in regard to time and space. Anyway, here's the snippet where she mentioned it:
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