I was speaking with someone last Friday and in the course of the conversation, I told her about my ongoing issues regarding getting “shy” or “embarrassed” or just plain having difficulty walking “correctly” in front of people. And although many before her have told me this (you reading this probably being one of them!), for whatever reason, it wasn’t until she said it that it finally started to sink in. She said that when she sees me walk, she sees just that – me walking. There’s no, “Oh she’s walking, but it’s different then everyone else.” Or “What’s wrong with her walking?” Or “She’s having difficulty." This person also told me that she sees me as a (literal) walking miracle. It almost made me cry. I should know that most people just see me for me, because that's how I see others. However, I have a HORRIBLE habit of putting thoughts and words in other people that they may or may not be thinking or saying. Does that make sense? I judge myself harshly through what I think other people are thinking or saying about me, whether they are actually thinking or saying those things or not. I'm getting better at not doing this, but it's still prevalent. My heart needs to tell my head NOT to overthink things. I still get extremely nervous walking in front of people and it makes me laugh because growing up I wanted to be an actress. I wanted the lights on me, and I wanted people to know who I was. My how things change with age (and hopefully, wisdom)!
I sometimes feel funny about blogging about how difficult it is to walk when friends of mine are going through unimaginable circumstances, however I do hope that I make someone laugh or think or feel better through something I say or do or write about.
On Sunday, I found out that I am not the only one who prays about getting a parking spot close to the entrance of church! You may laugh at that, but I’m not lying when I say that I pray about that very thing almost every Sunday. And last Sunday, someone told me that she prays for the exact same thing for herself. I love how God works. Also, on Sunday, I got to walk in to church with a woman that I dearly love. She made the comment that I was walking well. I told her it was only because she was standing there by me. I knew if I needed to that I could hang on to her! As for the praying, I usually pray that I’ll get a handicap parking space close to the entrance and that if I need help getting in that God would provide that or if He thinks I can do it on my own that I will just walk well. I pray walking in to and out of work that I won’t trip, slip or fall, get stuck, startled or scared and that I’ll remain upright. And now you have a tiny glimpse into how much I pray about not falling. 😉 Yes, I can use the cane, but that wouldn’t entirely keep me from falling – nothing’s fool proof, except God!
As just a little follow up: my shoulder pain is still there but it’s not all the time and it really only hurts the worse when I lay on it (like rolling over on it) at night, so I’m really leaning towards it being something related to the dystonia. I'll have the doctor look at it when I go in at the end of the month.
I love this quote that I found for it is most certainly true:
God’s Got This!! Have a blessed week.
No comments:
Post a Comment