Turn-It-Up Tuesday: October 4

It’s Tuesday again and I’m finally back up to where Dr. T. initially set the electricity at in my deep brain stimulation device when I saw him back on September 22. I turned it up to 3.40 volts and so far, so good, but it’s only been about 12 hours. :) I turned it up because my toes are still curling under and my foot is still turning in. However, I’m going to keep the device at this level for at least two weeks as Dr. T. recommended. If I don’t see remarkable effects, then I’ll turn it way down (to 2.00) as Dr. T. suggested. If that doesn’t work, I’ll activate “Frequency C” and see where that takes me. I’ve been given license to play, so I’m going to play! One of these settings will work, right?!

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I have to share this photo with you. Yesterday, I woke up and looked in the mirror and my hair was literally standing straight up! Talk about a really bad hair day. ;)

However, it did return to "normal" and this is me today.:

Yes, this is me on October 4, 2016 wearing a sundress - it was 85 degrees out!

This past week I’ve tackled different feats.

I walked the entire Little Ponderosa Zoo without a walker. I had “just enough” distraction with the company I kept and the animals I was surrounded by, that I just walked and didn’t think about it. It was wonderful!

I’ve walked into and out of work, into and out of church, into and out of stores – no walker needed. It’s so freeing! I’m doing things again that I haven’t done in 11 years.

Sunday another milestone was met: I walked up to and back from communion with no help except from the cane. I didn’t hold on to anyone and no one held on to me. It was daunting. I could just “feel” people looking at me – haha. I’m sure no one really was, but I still battle with that anxiety. However, I made it without falling, without slipping and without tripping. Of course, had I done any of that, I know that people would have come running to assist me, but it’s so freeing when another “confidence building” scenario plays out.

I do find it absolutely hysterical that growing up, I wanted to be an actress. Sometimes, I still dream about being one. But, I find it funny because right now, the LAST thing I want people doing is watching me or staring at me while I walk. I’m still battling this anxiety, but every day, I face it head on. Eventually, it’s got to become easier, right?! ;) I’m building those neuro-pathways and eventually, I hope to look back on these blog posts and laugh that I was this anxiety-filled just walking in front of people.

However, even with all the tackling of different feats, there is still fear. I fear falling. I fear failure. I fear the unknown. I fear being embarrassed. I fear. I'm admitting this because it's part of my story too. But, "I know who goes before me. I know who stands behind. The God of angel armies is always by my side." ("Whom Shall I Fear", Chris Tomlin).

At the end of every day this past week, I’ve marveled at the Lord’s goodness and how He’s kept me safe through the day. Not one time did I fall this past week - not once! Sure, every day brought its own worries and anxieties, but at the end of the day, I had to give thanks to the Lord above for keeping me from falling.

I know – whether I fall, whether I trip, whether I slip, whether I walk “perfectly”, whether this DBS therapy works for me or not – I know, God’s Got This!

The beautiful sunrise God allowed me to see this morning!