Turn-It-Up Tuesday: October 18

I don’t know if this is a direct result of brain surgery, or maybe it’s a direct result of being a hermit the past 11 years, but since my surgery, I’ve wanted to do things that scare me, but also thrill me. I'm starting to knock them off the list. To date, I’ve gone tubing on the lake, I’ve tried (tried being the operative word!) climbing a rock wall, I’ve ridden a camel (I wasn’t afraid of this, I’ve just been wanting to do it for a very, very long time!) and just this past Saturday, I rode a motorcycle for the very first time. I'm not reckless in any way, however, I’m starting to finally live life. I'm starting to do things I’ve been wanting to do and not worrying, caring or otherwise letting anything else get in my way of doing those things. Grant it, I didn't tell my family or friends I was going to ride a motorcycle, but I think that was mainly me thinking I might back out of doing it! But, I did it and LOVED it. And then I told my family and friends. ;) One of my bosses asked me today what was next on my list and I told him (family - here's your warning that I may do these things soon!) it’s riding in a helicopter, zip-lining and parasailing (in no particular order). I’m by no means a daredevil and there are things that absolutely terrify me that I still have NO desire to do (skydiving, riding rollercoasters, holding a snake are just three of them), but I really, really want to do the other things. I’m terrified of heights and yet, riding in a helicopter intrigues me. I would love to ride in LifeStar (the helicopter that transports patients to hospitals), but NOT as a patient. I rode in an ambulance once and don't remember a thing about it (since I was the patient). I DON'T want to ride in LifeStar as a patient!! So maybe I'll just take a helicopter ride in the Smokies, instead of LifeStar. I’ve been wanting to zip-line for a couple of years now and parasailing has always intrigued me. Eventually, I also want to ice skate. I don’t feel like I have quite enough balance to do it yet, but who knows maybe I’ll just try it any way. I know these may be silly things to most people, but I don’t care – they are things I want to do! You know when people say “do something that scares you every day”? Well, it struck me today when I was talking with one of my bosses that I am doing something every day that scares me – I walk. He asked, “Doesn’t it get easier, the more you do it?” I had to be honest and say no. It’s not that kind of fear, I guess. I don’t really have an answer as to why it doesn’t get easier. I don't know if this will change or stay like it is. I have really good days and then really not so good days. I’m thankful for the good days and wear God’s ear out on the bad days.

On Sunday, my dad preached a sermon on persistence in prayer (Luke 18:1-8 – the parable of the persistent widow). It was just the sermon I needed! Yes, he’s my dad and yes he knows what I’m going through, but to have a sermon like he did and have it speak to my soul – that’s only a God thing!! As he was preaching, the thought came to me: What if God wants me to stay in constant prayer with Him? What if He wants me to stay in constant contact with Him? Maybe He’s allowing me to still have fear of walking, so that I will cry out to Him over and over. No sooner had I had that thought, then my dad said the exact same words. I mean seriously – that is GOD!!! It’s true though…I pray the hardest, the longest, the most earnest, the most real and the most fervent when I don’t want to fall. When things are going great in life, I tend to slack off in my prayer life (I’m just being honest). But when walking is hard or seems impossible, I wear God’s ear out. I don’t know how many times I say over and over and over again, “Please don’t let me fall. Please don’t let me slip. Please don’t let me trip. Please don’t let me get “stuck”. Please don’t let me be embarrassed.” until I reach my destination. When I reach my destination, I start praying over and over again a new prayer, “Thank you, Jesus! I didn’t trip. I didn’t slip. I didn’t fall. I made it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I’m not lying…this is exactly what I do, every day. Now, if I could walk flawlessly, do you think I’d be in fervent prayer every single day? Probably not! I never pray as hard and fervently as I do when I’m walking. For you it may be something entirely different. Maybe you’re praying that God would take cancer away from you or a loved one. Or maybe you are praying to find your significant other. Whatever you pray for and so desperately want – don’t you persist at it?! I also loved the fact that my dad said (echoing the words of Jesus), “There is nothing too small to pray about – nothing!!!” It gives me contentment that I can pray, “Don’t let me fall.” and God doesn’t laugh at it. If you only knew some of the other prayers I pray, I promise you, you’d probably laugh, but God doesn’t and that’s what matters most! Pray without ceasing. Pray!!

A funny story: one day this past week, I walked out of work with one of my co-workers. Once we got outside I turned to my right to go to my car and he turned to the left to go to his. He was probably in his car on the way out of the parking lot when I probably wasn’t even half-way to my car. :) I walked on until I got to my car and drove off. Just a couple of days ago, he told me what happened after that. When he was leaving the parking lot, he saw me walking on the sidewalk. The next morning, I had an appointment to go to and he was just arriving for work. He said he had to do a double-take because he saw me in the EXACT same spot I was in the night before when he drove off. He said he wondered to himself, “Surely, she hasn’t been stuck in that same spot overnight!” I laughed and assured him that I did make it to my car the night before, did go home and did come back. I told him if worse comes to worse, I’m not below crawling to my car, but thankfully, I’ve never had to do that!

All the sudden yesterday, my hair started to part automatically like I've had it for 35 years. So, I'm just going with it!

Walking has not been the best this past week, but just like last week, I can triumphantly declare that at the end of each day I was able to lie in bed and marvel at the fact that not once did I ever fall, trip or slip. I made it another week with God’s help. I turned up the electricity in my device by .10 this morning and now I’m at 3.70 volts on frequency B. I’m still seeing that my toes curl under and my foot draws in, so that means I need more electricity. But with more electricity, my left hand went a little wild today. I guess it needs time to settle down! ;) Ironically, when I needed it to do something, it did it perfectly. It was just when it was “at rest” that it started moving weird. I don’t know how to explain it in words, you'll just have to either trust me on this or see it in person. It’s annoying but not troublesome, which is how I’m going to gage things these days. I was amazed though that when I put my cane in my hand, my hand held tightly to it and worked! So we’ll see what this new level does for my walking.

I still declare deep brain surgery as one of the best gifts I’ve ever been given. If I get no better than I am right now, I’m OK with that. Of course, I DO want to still get better and better and I think I will, but no matter what I’m thankful for the progress I’ve made. I’ve been given freedom I didn’t have before. I’ve been given a new spark in life (no pun intended). I want to live life fully and abundantly. I want to be joyful always and thankful every day. I marvel at what God has done, what God is doing and what God will do in my life. God’s Got This and that being said, I know I’m safe with Him.