I hate admitting that I have physical limitations. I hate that I can't walk like everyone else. But, every once in awhile having walking issues does have its perks - ha! My mom and I were once again able to go to a concert because I have problems walking. She got us front-row seats to a "sold-out" Eagles cover band concert this past Friday. It was sold-out except for two seats - one of them being for a person with a disability. Now, don't get me wrong. We don't just pull this "disability card" out to gain entrance to concerts or sympathy from anyone, but having to use a walker from time-to-time does allow for fun things to happen every once in awhile. I do find that using a walker is so much more "freeing" at times then trying to do it (walk) on my own (or even with just a cane). Getting around amusement parks, parking lots or wide open spaces is so much easier when using a walker. I sat next to a woman at the Eagles concert who used a cane, but said that she finds a walker much easier to use as well in all the above mentioned places with an emphasis on parking lots. It's not all just in my head - haha! What do I mean by that? I mean, up until I had this conversation with her, I thought that maybe I'm just making parking lots a lot scarier in my head then they actually are, but she confirmed that she also has struggles in parking lots where there's nothing to grab a hold of if need be to keep from falling. And the main goal in both of our lives is to not fall. Neither one of us fell at the concert - praise Jesus! The concert was amazing and Mom and I had a fantastic time once again making memories together.
I've been grappling with the idea of playing with the settings in my deep brain stimulation system again. I just haven't been walking like I want to. I rarely walk anywhere (outside of my house) without a cane like I did before my latest battery replacement surgery in January. I see my neurologist again at the beginning of August, so does that give me enough time to change the settings and see if things improve? I don't know why this particular area always gives me pause. I should just go full-force into committing to "fool around" with the settings, but I don't. Five years into having a deep brain stimulation system and I'm far less eager to "play" with the settings then I was right after getting it implanted. But things just aren't "right" yet. (Have they really ever been?! I mean...I always want better then I have!)
I had yoga yesterday and I was trying to do this move ("bouncing" my feet up and down) and I couldn't do it. At first, neither foot was doing it, but eventually the right foot got its act together and did the move. My left foot, however, wouldn't bounce. No matter how hard I tried. No matter how much brain power I put into it - it didn't move. No matter how much I tried to do it "automatically" (without putting any brain power in it), it wouldn't move. I don't know if that has anything to do with the electricity or not, but it frustrated me. I want to move freely! And then I feel guilty for complaining or getting frustrated because there are people out there in much worse shape then I am and then I stop and just thank Jesus for everything I do have - and I have so very, very much!!
So there you have it - a quick little update. I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July weekend and that everyone will have a wonderful rest of the week.
Always remember - God's Got This!
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