I must admit, I’m having major writer’s block this week as to what to put in this post. It might be that I’m tired. Yes, it’s only Tuesday and I’m already tired! But I guess it’s mainly because things have been “status quo”, which is a good thing! I remain on the same level and amount of electricity. I have great days walking and then I have some days where walking could be better.
Last Tuesday, we got snow and ice here in Knoxville, so my yoga class was cancelled. I was really quite bummed about that, but you know what? I still had the "homework" that my instructor gave me and I could do that! So I did. Throughout the week, even when I didn't necessarily want to do it, I kept up with the homework and it’s getting easier! The reason I’m posting this blog update so late is that I had a yoga class tonight and it was amazing. It pushed me and stretched me in ways I didn’t think possible and I’m learning! My instructor introduced me to the “tree pose” tonight and that’s my new challenge. It’s all about balance and I can say, even before I had dystonia, my balance has never been good! BUT, I’m learning this pose and I’m determined to master it. So what if I fall? I'll get back up again. (I didn’t fall, but that’s what I am most scared of!). If I can conquer the “tree pose” maybe that will help me conquer my fear of falling. I’ve never walked better than I did tonight walking out of yoga. Today, in general, was a good walking day. I’m walking MUCH better than I did yesterday, so that’s good!
Yesterday was one of those days that I didn’t walk as well as I would have liked. While I walked better than some of my previous “good” walking days, I was still having issues. I blame it on the weather (as I tend to do!). It was warm here, like 65-degree warm – in JANUARY! I loved it! However, I think the huge temperature swings are messing with my body. Going from freezing to 65 so quickly, plus the rain it brought in, well, I’m blaming the weather for my not-so-great walking. But – I didn’t fall. I got where I needed to get and back again fine, so in the end yesterday was a win no matter how you look at it. Alive, breathing, thinking, able to work, walk and talk…yeah yesterday wasn’t as “bad” as sometimes my mind likes to trick me into thinking. And, I was in a fantastic mood. It’s usually the other way around. When I have issues walking, I tend to get grumpy. But yesterday, not so much!! Praise the Lord. I also MADE myself get up from my desk at work more often. Yes, I was feeling shaky on my feet, but I made myself walk despite that. Some days bravery comes in bigger bites and on other days not so much. But God was and continues to be faithful.
On Saturday, I went to a baby shower for my friend, Christie. While there, I saw another of her friends whom I’ve seen at various birthday parties and baby showers for Christie. She said I looked fabulous. I told her thank you, but didn’t realize until later what she meant by that. Somehow, later in the afternoon, deep brain stimulation came up in conversation. Mary interjected that the last time she saw me, I was using a walker and recovering from surgery. Then she said, “Look at you now! You’re not using anything!!" Perspective. It all came full circle. While I still have limitations and you can tell that there’s “something wrong” sometimes, I’m not using a walker or a cane. Sometimes, you should look back to see how far you’ve come. On a side note – Christie had her baby today!! She got that baby shower in, just in the nick of time!
I have been watching all the medical dramas that I got on DVD for Christmas, while I work-out. I finished watching season 2 of Chicago Med and now I’m half-way through season 2 of Code Black, and I still have season 5 of Saving Hope to watch. Between real-life medical stuff and watching these shows, I feel like I could be a doctor. I mean, I do know CPR and the Heimlich maneuver! I surprised myself this morning while watching Code Black in that I knew what an ABG was – haha!! Seriously! It’s an arterial blood gas. I have no idea what that is, what it does, what it effects or if you could die from it, but I know what the letters ABG stand for! I’m half-way to being a doctor! (Full disclosure: I "Googled" it and almost fainted. I’m OK with most things medical but when you start talking about arteries and veins and needles and puncturing, well, I get a little woozy. When I have IV's inserted or someone takes my blood, I can't watch. I can't watch them put the needle in. I look at it after the needle's in, but not while they're actually inserting it. But, even after "Googling" it, I’m still unsure exactly what an ABG does). In the season that I’m now re-watching of Code Black there is an entire episode dedicated to Deep Brain Stimulation. How cool is that?! I wrote about the episode in this blog when it first premiered. The deep brain stimulation was done to treat Parkinson’s, but it was still all about DBS! I was enthralled the first time I watched it and the second time and the third time and…well you get the picture. =) Of course, it’s a drama and there will be mistakes and inaccuracies, but the episode was all about DBS!! I remember my dad telling me, after watching it, that he didn’t realize everything that went into it. The person in the episode having the DBS surgery was a doctor himself and was very reserved about having the surgery. I was the complete opposite. Ignorance is bliss sometimes!! I was gung-ho, let’s do this all the way. And I’m so happy I did. What’s that phrase? “It’s a marathon and not a sprint”. Yeah, NOT having Parkinson’s (which I am SO BLESSED that I don’t have!), I don’t see “instant” gratification, but when it does click and I start walking like I haven’t in years – that’s what amazes me. God has, is and I believe, will continue to grow me through this process. I think that’s the coolest part. My reliance on God has grown in leaps and bounds. I’m also learning more about myself. Although there are tears and frustrations and “bad” days, there is definitely – without a shadow of a doubt – joy in the journey.
So, for having "writer's block", I think I've written enough! I’ve hit the highlights of last week. I’ll end with this. Some days I feel defeated, like I can’t do anything right or things in life will never get better or easier. But then God sprinkles love and worthiness and hope and faith on my life and I see how wonderful this life is with Him at the helm. I had that song, “Ooh-oo child, Things are gonna get easier, Ooh-oo child, Things'll get brighter, Ooh-oo child” stuck on repeat in my brain this morning. I have NO IDEA where it came from or why it got stuck in my head. I hadn’t heard it on the radio or on TV, but when I just let it be (and didn’t try to figure out why it got stuck in my head), I thought - maybe God wanted me to hear it. Things will get easier and things will get brighter. Then things will get harder again and there will be storms. That’s just life. Everyone has those days, those ups and downs. But one thing’s for sure and I stake my life on it: GOD’s GOT THIS.
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