God provides. That has never been as evident to me as it has this past week. In all circumstances, in little ways and big, He provides. It may not look like we expected it to, but nevertheless, He provides and then gives us the ability, if we’re open to it, to see how He provides. When we see, at least for me, it’s awe-inspiring.
Right off the bat I’ll say, this past week was not good fall-wise. I fell 3 separate times. These were a little different though from my “regular” falls. All three times, I fell while walking with people in the hopes that that would give me enough security that I wouldn’t fall – haha! I didn’t hurt myself and in fact the last two falls were more like “taking a knee” as opposed to sprawled-all-over-the-place falls. I even hesitate to say I fell, because my Dad really wants me to use my cane and NOT FALL. But falling’s part of the learning too, right?! I totally get where he’s coming from, but I don’t want to get dependent on the cane or the walker again. It would be so easy if I just used them, but easy doesn’t necessarily get me to my goal. I scrape a knee or get frustrated, but I trust the Lord that I won’t break anything. If I do break something, well then, God has a plan for that too. I say this, but don’t get me wrong, I get mad, sad, frustrated, teary, impatient (and the list could go on…) when I do fall. I lose confidence. I ask for help. I pray. Maybe those last two things are what the Lord wants me to be doing: humbling myself enough to ask for help and being constantly in prayer and communication with Him.
How did God provide this week for me?! Oh, let me count the ways and tell you!!! Last Wednesday, I was contemplating how I would get into church without using a walker or cane. I thought about staying home, but every time I don’t want to go to church because I’m too tired or too busy or too worried or too scared – that’s EXACTLY when I need to go. So, putting fear away, I went. I prayed the whole time, wondering how God would show up. The Lord is awesome. Guess who I see in the parking lot as I park my car? My dad. I wanted to cry (happy tears!). I had been pouring out my heart to my Heavenly father, when he brings my earthly father to rescue me. I did start out walking on my own, but he quickly saw me and offered his assistance. This is when he said I should probably use the cane to keep from falling. My response was, “Who’s to say I won’t fall while using the cane?!” I’m quite talented like that! Then he said that maybe for a time I should use the walker again. I don’t like either option. I haven’t resorted to using either one, but I do take my dad’s words to heart. After church, a woman named Chris asked if she could walk beside me to my car. She’d read my blog post from the day before, I’m pretty sure! I, of course was overjoyed to hear this and quickly agreed. She and her husband, John walked with me to my car and then we had a lovely conversation. God provides!
Thursday, I had to leave work to attend a funeral. I was nervous about having to walk to my car and two of my co-workers picked up on that. They said that they would walk me to my car and then when I returned all I had to do was text them and they would come and walk with me back into work. I do want to make it clear – I could have walked by myself out to the car and back in again, but they sensed that I was nervous and on their own said they would walk with me. My co-worker, Sarah ended up walking with me out to my car. I got to the funeral and walked (all be it, stiffed-legged) in by myself. I walked out the same way. Sarah had told me to text her when I was on my way back. I was stopped at a red light and sent her a text. I made it back to work and didn’t see her in the parking lot. I almost started to text my co-worker, Debbie. As I got out of my car and turned around, there Sarah stood. She told me that she decided to run to the bank real fast and was a little concerned that she would miss me, but my text came and she was on the same road as I was just coming the opposite direction. She got to work maybe a minute or so before I did. God provides!
Friday, Sarah took the day off to close on a new home (Congrats, Sarah!) and Debbie had to work from home because a water line needed replacing at her house, so it was just me and the guys, holding down the fort at work. It was a good, busy day! When it was time to leave my co-worker, Drew hung around until I was ready to leave. I don’t know if Debbie or Sarah had said anything to him (or my other co-workers for that matter) or he just instinctively knew I may need help, but he casually walked out with me. He said Monday-Thursday he usually has to book-it out of work in order to go pick up his daughter before her daycare closes, but on Friday, his wife is able to pick her up and he has more time to stay after if need be. So, he walked with me. Unfortunately for him, I either got overly confident in my walking abilities or just wasn’t paying attention or some other phenomenon happened, but I fell. It could have been a lot worse, if he weren’t there. I made contact with the ground, but he caught me as well, so I didn’t get too badly injured. Even though I had a bandage over it, the way I fell, I tore the scab off the scraped knee I had from the week before, so that was a little sore and bloody (under the bandage), but again, God provides!! I was so blessed that Drew was there!
Saturday, I wasn’t going to let walking issues get in my way. I also wore tennis shoes which gave me a little more support. ;) I didn’t fall! It was a momentous day another level too: I got my hair cut. I don’t know what it is about me and my hair, but I never want to get it cut, even when it badly needs to be. But, I knew I needed a cut and Saturday was the perfect day to get one. My mom’s birthday is today (Happy birthday, Mom!!) and she always wants me to get my hair cut, so as a birthday gift to her, I went and did it. And guess what? My favorite stylist was there – the one I met in April and who cut my hair for the first time after I’d let it grow since the deep brain stimulation surgery: Clare. I had a wonderful time talking with her. I also ran into someone from my church! After the haircut, I swung by my parent’s house to give Mom a little pre-birthday gift and to show her my hair. ;) After that, I ran to Walmart where I ended up seeing someone from work in the parking lot, running into my grandmother in the store and then both of us seeing someone we knew from church. I NEVER see or run into anyone I know while shopping so the fact that I ran into a total of 4 people in one day was pretty spectacular.
Sunday, I was again nervous to walk in to church. I prayed about it. I didn’t find my “regular” parking spaces open, so I parked somewhere different. When I got out of the car, I ran into Mary, who had just moved to South Carolina, but was back for a quick visit before she starts a new job. I asked if she would walk in with me and she said she was just about to ask if she could walk in with me. She’s an occupational/physical therapist (I think. If I got that wrong, Mary, please forgive me!) and noticed how I was walking stiffed-leg until I got to the curb where I had to take a step up and I did bend my knee. She asked about using the cane or walker and I told her the same thing I told my dad. I just don’t want to use them. ;) We both made it safely into church. We had communion and rather than fall, I decided to hold onto to Mom while walking up to receive it. After church, I started walking by myself to my car, but Mom quickly came and helped me. Again, I could have made it on my own, but it would have taken me forever and made me exhausted so I was thankful for the help. After church, Mom, Dad and I, along with another couple, went out to eat. Normally, on Sunday afternoons all the family goes to my parent’s house for lunch, but we were all going to be meeting there Sunday night to celebrate my Mom’s birthday. It was the only time all of us could be there. In order for that to happen, my nieces needed naps, so we all went our separate ways after church. After eating at the restaurant, Dad helped me out to my car. Again, God provides.
Sunday night celebrating my mom’s birthday was so much fun. Now that I have little nieces, it’s seeing everything through their eyes and it’s magical. We had an absolutely fabulous time. Dad grilled hamburgers and each of us kids (well me and my sisters-in-laws) brought side dishes so Mom didn’t have to do anything, but in the end she did make corn and baked beans. Even celebrating her birthday, she’s serving us!
Monday (yesterday) was a fun day at work. With the total solar eclipse happening, it was pretty much a ghost town. Schools were closed, so a lot of people took the day off. I didn’t, but it turned out to be so fun! At work, they handed out solar eclipse glasses. I walked over to the other building with my co-workers to pick up my glasses. On my way back, I fell. My co-worker, Debbie said it happened because I got my toe stuck in the carpet. I didn’t know how it happened. One minute I was up, the next I was down. I fell on carpet, so I got more of a rug burn than anything else, but my poor left knee cannot heal from last week’s fall. I keep reapplying bandages to it. It starts to heal and then the scab is ripped off once again. But I guess it does show consistency in the way I fall, right?! Haha. Debbie said she felt so bad she couldn’t “catch” me, but really, it was totally fine. I’m no worse for the wear. I fell. I got up. I kept walking. Story of my life! Once again, God provided. Debbie was there, Drew was there…people were there to help and be concerned. I’m thankful! I can’t leave my “Monday” paragraph without commenting on that eclipse. I’ll admit, I was not into the hype of it. I didn’t get solar eclipse glasses ahead of time. I didn’t take off of work. I didn’t research. I wasn’t really even going to go outside to see it because I could see it from one of the conference rooms, but at 2:15pm, Debbie and I decided to go outside and man, am I ever glad I did. I’m saying right here and right now, boldly: How can anyone who saw that eclipse with their own eyes not believe that God orchestrated that? Our world, in a lot of ways, is in (man-made) chaos, but God loves us enough to show His majesty amidst the chaos. The heavens certainly did display His majesty!
Today, I fell again, but out of the three, this was the least of the falls. I really did just take a knee and thankfully this time, I gave my left knee a break and fell on my right. ;) Again, though it was where I could have grabbed a wall to steady myself. It happened so fast though that I didn’t have time. I was up as quickly as I was down and on with life. Today, I also realized that I think I have the deep brain stimulation device on the right frequency (B), but maybe not the right amount of electricity. So, this evening, I decided to look back at my blog posts from when I was doing well and try to get on that level again. I found a post from back in February that said I had settled on 3.90 volts. Tonight, I went from 3.50 up to 3.90 volts. We’ll have to wait to see if that does anything. I’m willing to give it some time. Dr. Tollesson always says it takes about two weeks to see any real difference, but we’ll see if I can be that patient. ;) I’m back on the same frequency and electricity amount I was when I saw major, significant, awesome strides before. If it works, I’ll give to glory to God. If it doesn’t, I’ll test some more!
This past week has truly taught me that God provides. It’s also taught me that there are learning opportunities in every fall and in every struggle. It’s taught me to rely fully on God. It’s taught me again that’s God’s Got This!!
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