Tune-In Tuesday: August 8

"Stand firm, and you will win life." (Luke 21:19 NIV)

I know, I’m probably majorly taking the above verse out of context, but I read it this morning and it pierced me. Maybe it pierced me because I haven’t LITERALLY been able to “stand firm” this past week, so I’ve had to stand on the firm foundation that God knows what He’s doing and I shouldn’t put my two cents worth in. Maybe it’s for the simple “you will win life”. Life isn’t about walking or falling, but rather about relationships and Jesus.

It’s definitely been an interesting week! It’s been interesting on several levels. I’ve seen how my body reacts to stress and the weather in a way that I haven’t been tuned in to before. But more than that, I’ve been blessed so richly and abundantly BECAUSE of the problems I’ve had this week, that I almost don’t mind the falls I’ve had to have to see how richly I’ve been blessed. Let me stress, ALMOST. I really dislike falling, so God and I have this conversation every morning:
Me: "God, please, please, please don’t let me trip, slip or fall today."
Me (about 5 seconds after the first plea (I mean prayer): “God, please, please, please don’t let me slip trip or fall."
God:
“But make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves.” (Luke 21:14 NIV)
“Jesus replied, 'What is impossible with man is possible with God.'" (Luke 18:27 NIV)
“And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off?” (Luke 18:7 NIV)
And probably my favorite this week:
“yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me.” (Luke 18:5 NIV) – Persistence, people, persistence!!
And another good one…
“Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God.” (Luke 13:13 NIV)

Can you tell, I’m reading Luke right now? Haha. But God has brought about so many golden nuggets that I had to share!!

A couple of weeks a go in Sunday school, we started talking about the “thorn in my side” that Paul was given. There’s much speculation on what that “thorn-in-his-side” was. Some say it might have been his eyesight. My Sunday School leader, Brian, said that whatever it was it sounded like Paul had to rely on others to take care of him at times. In all my years, I had never heard it explained like that. I really took it to heart. Paul had to ask people to help him. Somehow, with that explanation, I found comfort.

After proudly declaring that it was a “no-fall week” last week on the blog, the very next day, I fell. ;) It wasn’t a “normal” fall though (if there is such a thing). It was in a confined space where I had walls and doors and things to grab ahold of. It just happened. One second, I was up and the next I was sprawled all over the floor. Thankfully, I was only in front of friends. (It would have been better if 1) I hadn’t fell at all or 2) I hadn’t fallen in front of anyone but since none of that happened, I’m glad I fell in front of friends!) I seriously don’t know how it happened, it just did. But what do you do when you fall? You get back up and carry on. Again, easier said than done, but I did it with God’s help. I did cry though – I’m not going to lie. It wasn’t so much over the falling, but everything that was going on around the fall. It was a stressful week. My friend/co-worker, Sarah, helped me come to the realization that stress takes many forms and I guess in me, it manifests physically sometimes. I’m sure I’ll learn to manage it better and hopefully figure out a good setting to go to (in regards to the deep brain stimulation device) when stressful situations arise and I need a little more help to walk.

The second fall came on Sunday in church. Here’s hoping a lot of people didn’t see it. It happened (again!) in a place and time that I never thought it would. After making it successfully up to, through and back from communion, I fell in the aisle to my chair. I had chairs to hang on to and people to hang on to and suddenly, one second I’m up and the next I’m down on my knees! I didn’t hurt myself and I was up as quickly as I went down, hoping people that saw me either thought that I was praying or that I was grabbing something off the floor. ;) I think most people were distracted enough going up to communion that they didn’t even notice. It did give me a whole new meaning to the song we sang after communion, “Lead Me to the Cross” and these lyrics from the song:

“Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross”

I do believe that God loves when we laugh and I seriously had to laugh (internally) that not even a few minutes after I fall, I hear “Bring me to my knees”.

As tough as walking can get, the Lord ALWAYS allows me to trade those bad days in for good and He ALWAYS makes me laugh, think and downright SEE HIM in every situation. After my fall on Sunday, I decided that I would walk with someone outside to my car. I was thinking maybe my mom or one of my sister-in-laws. Well, all of the sudden, I look and they’ve all left!! (If they are reading this, I am totally OK with everything, I just had to put what I’m going to say next in to context). So, I think to myself that I could get Dad to walk me out if I really needed to, but he was talking with people. So, I thought, “OK, God. I don’t know how I’m going to do this, but I know you are with me, so please don’t let me slip, trip or fall.” As soon as I prayed this, Todd appeared.

To get even more of a background on this, a few Sundays ago I was having problems walking in to church. I saw Todd walking in at the same time and I asked if I could walk with him. I didn’t need to hold on to him or anything, I just wanted someone to walk with. He obliged. We started talking and I got to know some of his backstory. I’ve been going to church with this man and his family for years (seriously, probably since moving here to Tennessee) and I never knew what he was telling me. He has his own medical issues with his eyes. Fast forward to the Sunday before last: after the installation of our new associate pastor that Sunday night, Todd saw me struggling a little to get to my car, so he came running out of church to help me. So, for him to just appear out of nowhere this past Sunday when I needed him most, right after I’d prayed – you cannot tell that that wasn’t God. I know without a shadow of a doubt, it was!! And I told Todd so. I told him that he was a blessing from God and an answer to prayer. He told me that he had been praying that God would use him to bless others. God answered BOTH of our prayers. How utterly awesome is that?!!!!

I’ve also been blessed immensely by my co-worker and friend, Sarah. She just calls it “walking and talking with a co-worker” (as does my other co-worker and friend, Debbie), but to me it is SO MUCH more. Sarah has been walking out of work with me a few times this past week, just to lend a steady hand if I need it. I have been so incredibly blessed by this. It’s meant the world. The weather has been rainy and icky. My walking has been extremely effected by this. Sarah has been incredibly kind and patient walking just as slowly as I do, so that just in case I need some help, she’s there. I have to say that ALL my co-workers have been just as kind. I am SO BLESSED.

Even with walking poorly, I’ve kept the electricity in my deep brain stimulation device the same as it was last week. I really am convinced that if this weather will clear up, my walking will too. But, if doesn’t after this week, I’ll revisit turning the electricity up or down.

So, you may be wondering (or maybe not, just humor me!) why I don’t go back to using the cane or the walker when I really need it. My dad has begged me to. Friends have mentioned that it’s not a failure. The truth is, I’m afraid I’ll become dependent on them again. I was speaking with someone today and I told her that I think my fear of falling is just as great, if not greater than actually falling. I need to fight that fear by doing what I fear the most: walking without assistance. I’m not completely stupid though. If I truly feel like I can’t walk, I will use (or at least carry) the cane. But, right now I’m in a battle with myself over fear. So, it’s between me and God. Today, I had the vision of Peter walking on water stuck in my head. As long as he kept his eyes on Jesus, he could walk. It was fear and taking his eyes off of Jesus that made him stumble. I also had the vision today of my foot in Jesus’ hand. He has me in the PALM of HIS HAND – ALWAYS!! Why do I forget this every five minutes?! He’s kept me safe thus far and He’ll continue to keep me safe. There is nothing that happens in my life that He doesn’t already know about, that He hasn’t already ordained, that He hasn’t already turned around for His good. Why then must I worry? I shouldn’t and with God’s help, with my very being in the palm of His hand, I’ll be alright. God’s Got This!!