Since Thursday (when I saw my neurologist), I’ve walked well and I haven’t walked well. It’s been a mix. Thursday was a good walking day. Friday was not. Saturday was OK. Sunday morning was not so good, but Sunday afternoon things started to improve. Yesterday was OK, but last night I made the decision to go down more on the electricity.
I turned my deep brain stimulation remote on and saw that Dr. Tolleson had me on Level A (the low level) at 3.00 volts. I hadn't touched it since he adjusted it on Thursday.
When I got up this morning, I didn’t feel all that different, but by the time I got to work, I was walking better – yay!! A huge sigh of relief.
Today, I’ve walked pretty well. Not fantastic, mind you, but well. I always want more then I have. But I’m working on that. Actually, I should say God’s working in me on that!! I'm working on being thankful right where I'm at. God has shown me, through others, just how far I've come. It's wonderful to sometimes see progress through someone else's eyes.
I had an appointment I had to go to today, so I left work and ran into (not literally!) the guy that I had fallen in front of a week ago, but this time, no falls! In fact, I stopped and talked with him a minute as he was cleaning the fountains outside work. I didn't walk well in front of him or other co-workers coming in, but I got where I needed to get to (my car) without any falls, so I'm chalking that up to a win. Little victories lead to be big victories. Every time I walk, and walk with minimal effort, it builds my confidence. Every time I fall, it shakes my confidence. In the scheme of things though, I have a pretty sweet life.
Besides the electricity, I’m also trying really hard to be conscious of how I’m walking. I probably should of known this years ago, or maybe I did know it and forgot, but I was told/reminded that the big toe is in charge of stability and balance. All this time I’ve been walking on the outside of my foot (hence the callouses) when I need to be maneuvering my foot to walk more on the inside near the big toe. When I consciously walk like this, it’s amazing the balance I gain back! It’s almost miraculous. But, my muscle memory is to walk on the outside of my foot, so when I’m in a hurry or just not thinking about it, that’s the way I walk. So, I’m trying to retrain my brain. It’s hard, but not impossible. And with God, ALL things are possible. I literally take it step by step. Today was a good day though and for that, I am so very, very thankful.
I have to laugh - I was looking in the mirror tonight and saw a gray hair. Why on earth do gray hairs have to glisten?! My first instinct was to pluck it. But I didn't. I didn't because you know what? I EARNED that gray hair! Yes, I could pluck it. Yes, I could color it. Yes, I could try to hide it. But, ever since deep brain stimulation surgery, I treasure every hair on my head - no matter what color it is. Oh, yes, I definitely have bad hair days, but I'm learning to treasure those too. If you've ever lost your hair (whether it be to cancer, alopecia, or having to have it shaved for surgery like me), you know how precious every single hair is. So precious in fact, that God our Father knows the number of hairs on our head. He also knows that I lose a lot of hair in the shower every morning. ;)
I know that the Lord is for me and not against me. I know that through this whole journey He's teaching me valuable lessons and He's growing my faith in Him. I don't know His ways, but I know His ways are good and that they will always and forever be for my benefit. As always, God's Got This!!
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