Speaking of freedom, this past week, I've felt free. I am still in the surgical boot, but I've never felt freer. One of my brothers got married this past week and it was an outside wedding. I walked everywhere! Yes, at times I had my mom or dad or brothers or friends help me, but that was mainly when I had to go down stairs. I don't know if you'll ever know how freeing it feels to walk just by yourself with no assistance (OK, I did have the boot, but other than that, no assistance - no walker, no cane!) unless you've had something like I have had. I was giddy with excitement! I even held toddlers and babies and walked with no falls, no missteps, no issues. Ya'll this is LIFE CHANGING!! I know I've done this before but this time around, it feels different.
I was running super late to church on Sunday. The reason being, I thought I had securely tied a trash bag around my boot so that I could take a shower without getting it wet. I was wrong! Somehow, the boot ended up getting soaked. So, I got my hairdryer out and 45 minutes later, it was dry enough for me to wear it without me feeling like I was sloshing around in it. (On a side note, this was the second time I've had to use a hairdryer to get it dry. I got it somewhat wet when we were away for my brother's wedding and I had to use my sister-in-law's hair dryer to get it dry.) I thought about putting it in the dryer, but had no idea how to unhook it from the actual boot. So, I was running extremely late. When I got to church, I had five minutes to spare. Yes, this is late for me. I'm type A and have to be 15 minutes early almost everywhere I go. I blame it on the fact that my mom told me I was due on June 19 and was born on June 12. I've liked being early since the day I was born!! Usually, I have major problems walking in the church parking lot. Mainly because there's nothing to hold on to or grab ahold of if I start to fall. But Sunday, since I was running so late, I almost ran (OK, not really) into church. No problems. I had no time for falling or having issues, so I just did it. Yay!
I say all the above, but the truth is, sometimes I just have really good days and weeks and sometimes, I don't. I think that may be the way it goes for my whole life. But maybe not. Maybe I will be able to make this permanent and look back on my bad walking days and hardly be able to remember them. I try to rationalize everything. I try to figure out why I can walk fine one day and have extreme problems the next, but through all of this, I've learned that it is what it is. I don't know the mind of God and I'll drive myself crazy if I try to figure it out. So, I'll just leave it in God's hands. God is God and I am not! I am extremely grateful that the toe that Dr. Gardner clipped the tendon on last Tuesday did not give me any problems whatsoever this past week. I've felt it every once in awhile, but didn't have to take any medicine (prescribed or over the counter). I did have to wear the boot to my brother's wedding, but made sure that the official photographer didn't get it in any pictures. ;) Hopefully it blended in. I wore a black shoe on my other foot and the boot is black, so hopefully it wasn't that big of a distraction in any picture. I saw aunts and uncles and cousins and friends who had not seen me since the deep brain stimulation. They were amazed that I was walking without any assistance. I think one of the biggest moments came when one of my brother's friends who hadn't seen me since the surgery was stunned to see me without a walker. He said he did a double take and then had to get the lowdown from my mom. :) To see it from other people's perspectives is humbling, exciting and downright amazing. I get so caught up in the day-to-day struggles, that I forget the big picture. The big picture is, I once had to use a walker or cane to get around and now I don't. No matter how I do it (whether it takes me 15 minutes to get from the parking lot to inside work or a store or church because I am constantly starting/stopping, or if I trip, or if I have people asking me if I need help, or if people watch me (which makes me extremely nervous)), I'm still doing it WITHOUT a walker or cane. That was the goal. That is the goal.
I'm keeping the boot on until I see Dr. Gardner on July 7. Technically, I could have taken the boot off on Saturday (that was 5 days after the tendon was cut), but he said I could keep it on until I see him. I'll get the bandages removed and the stitch out of my toe on the 7th and we'll go from there.
This past week was a gift. I know that. I know my walking could have been terrible and hampered all the festivities that were going on, but it didn't and that is a gift from God. He is good all the time. Always and forever, I'll keep proclaiming that God's Got This!!
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