I saw Dr. Tolleson (my Nashville-now-turned-Knoxville neurologist). I was nervous, but that's just who I am - haha!! I worry about the craziest things: will I be able to find his office? Will I be on time? Will I be able to walk? What if I got the date and time of the appointment wrong? SHEESH!!! Putting it down in words and seeing it in black and white, I realize how absolutely, utterly ridiculous my worries are!! That is why the Lord says, DO NOT WORRY. DO NOT BE ANXIOUS. Over and over and over again, He says this in the Bible and still - what do I do?! I worry! God gave me sign last night though. It was as clear as day. I was at church sitting in the pew with my parents (Dad wasn't preaching!) and my grandmother. The lesson wasn't on not worrying, but the leader was teaching from Matthew. My grandmother got out the pew Bible and looked up the verses. I glanced over and what did I see? "Do Not Be Anxious About Anything". Thank you, Jesus. I got that message loud and clear!
As I stated in my last post, I've been wearing the (surgical) boot to get in and out of places (walking in parking lots is hard when I feel like I have nothing to hold on to). I told Dr. Tolleson that I'm too stubborn to use the walker or cane again, so I use the boot instead. Today though, I tested myself. I got to the clinic and was determined to make it in with no walker, cane or boot. And you know what? With the Lord's help, I made it!! There was a gentleman walking in the same time I was (and NO he was not my age (older) or single...can you tell, I've been asked this earlier today?!). He asked if there was anything he could do to help me. I told him, no (but in a nice voice with a thank you at the end!). He had gotten to the door before me. He said, "OK, I'll just wait for you." Normally, I dislike people watching me walk (even the doctors - haha!), but today, for whatever reason, I didn't mind. He waited for me and then held the door open and then even let me get in front of him in the line. At 7:50 am there was already a back-up in the waiting room!! Thankfully there are multiple doctors! I got up to the receptionist and she couldn't find me in the computer. (See, maybe some of my worries are worth worrying about! Just kidding on that!). She did find me though on a piece of paper - haha. Turns out, they just got a new computer system on Monday and things were still a little wacky.
When I finally got to see Dr. Tolleson, it was like a breath of fresh air. Weird, I know. But everything around me was different. Different neurology group, different building, different receptionist, different waiting area, different everything, except the doctor! So yes, I was very happy to see Dr. Tolleson. He apologized for the wait, which in hindsight was not that long of a wait. He reiterated that they just got a new computer system and were all trying to figure it out. He asked how I was doing and I said great, up until the past 2 weeks when I'd fallen twice and tripped a lot. We talked and then he had me walk. I hate this part. I know he needs to see it, so he can help me, but I don't like walking with other people watching me. I know, I need to just get over it. ;) Easier said then done though on my part!! He did observe right away that I wasn't walking as good as I was when he last saw me (and had adjusted the settings on my deep brain stimulation device). He observed that my foot was turning in more. After walking the first time, he did some adjustments. His deep brain stimulation remote is much larger then mine. I asked him what all he could see with it. He said he sees the battery life of my device, what settings I'm on, when I change the settings, how long I'm on each setting. Basically, (as I told him!), I'm being tracked! I told him I feel like I'm coming in for a tune-up, every time I see him. In reality, that's kind of what it is!
One of my greatest worries/fears about this appointment was that he was going to tell me that there was nothing else that could be done. That this was as good as it was going to get. Praise be to the Lord, I was WRONG!!! He tinkered with the settings. At one point, my hand went all bionic on me and was doing things I wasn't telling it to do. At that, he said he had turned the device completely off, but then quickly retracted that statement and said it was on, he was just messing with settings. He did a few different settings and after each, he had me walk. I really couldn't feel a difference. After a few more adjustments, he told me what he had done. Instead of adding more settings, he decided to adjust the settings that he had already created.
A is low
B is the same as what I came in on
C is high
And now he's told me to play again. I can go up and down on the amount of electricity in each level, but the goal is to find one setting that really works and stay on that one. I told him, I had stayed on my previous level the longest: from the end of January to May. And it was working wonderfully, until two weeks ago. He did say that he thinks some of my problems do stem from still recovering from the foot/toe surgery. He thinks once that heals completely things will be better. He asked if I had the boot with me and I told him it was in the car. He said he had no problems with me wearing it, if I felt like I needed to. He also said I should try to walk without it (which I am doing!) and he emphasized again that the goal is to get on one setting and stay there. But in the next breath, he tells me to play around with the settings. Haha. What he said was that if a setting was intolerable then I should change it right away and not wait a week or 2, but otherwise I should give a setting 1 or 2 weeks worth of a chance. ;) He told me that he has me on the low level now (A). We'll see where that leads!
So now for some funny things, because laughter truly is the BEST medicine!
I now have a daily reminder of when I fell outside while walking into work. The poor flowers have a gaping hole where I landed in them. ;) I do thank the Lord that I landed in a soft spot though! It makes me laugh every time I walk by them. I hope I don't get in trouble for ruining the company's flowers!!
On Monday night, as I got to my car, I realized I didn't have my shoe with me. I ended up putting my boot on halfway through the day. It made me laugh to think what the cleaning crew must be thinking. "Why is there just one shoe in her cubicle?" Tuesday, I came in and found my shoe all the way at the back of my desk.
Back on July 12, after having worn my real shoe all day, I took it off and my foot looked like the Michelin Man.
And here's a picture I took today while at Dr. Tolleson's office:
Tonight, as I write this post, I am so grateful. I am thankful. From my littlest worry, to my biggest, God took care of every one of them. He didn't let me stumble (literally or figuratively). He answered every prayer. I am thankful for my life. I'm thankful for the people who are in my life. I saw this little thing on Facebook today and I love it, so I'm borrowing it. It goes:
"If you fail, never give up because F.A.I.L. means "First Attempt In Learning". End is not the end. In fact E.N.D. means "Effort Never Dies". If you get NO as an answer, remember N.O. means "Next Opportunity". Positive Thinking!!"
I also saw as a memory on Facebook, that I had posted this statement awhile ago: A.S.A.P. means Always Say A Prayer.
Today was a blessing. I'm alive. I have hope. I didn't fall. I walked ALL day boot free. I have a God who loves me no matter how many times I fail Him. I am reminded even more that GOD'S GOT THIS!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment