Tune-In Tuesday: August 2

When I first turned my deep brain stimulation device over to "Frequency B" back at the beginning of July, it was miraculous. I could WALK. Sure, I was still using the cane but I felt brave enough, steady enough to attempt and succeed at walking WITHOUT the walker. It was completely out of the blue and a total God thing. And then, I had to step in and mess things up. I thought, "if I'm walking this good at this level, let's see what a higher level will do and then a week later what another level higher will do" and then everything came crashing down. I wanted too much in too little time. God was working so wonderfully and I had to go and interject my opinions and my wants. Hindsight's always 20/20, right?! If only I had just been still and waited. But the awesome thing about God is, He's the God of second (and third and fourth and...well you get the picture) chances.

My friend Kristen gave me this Bible verse and I've hung it where I see it every morning and every evening. I've needed to be reminded of it more than usual this past week.

So, I'm starting over. What do I mean by that? I'm going to be still and wait on Him. I'm going to remain at 3.10 volts on frequency B for at least another week (until Turn-It-Up Tuesday rolls around again). This past week, walking has not been the best, but it hasn't been the worst. I've seen some good walking moments and some moments I'd rather forget, but you know what? God's seen me through it all. He really does know what's best for me. Why can't I get that through my thick skull?!! It should be easier now, considering the wig is gone - right?! ;) Sometimes (OK, most of the time!) I am my own worst enemy. God gives me some and I demand all, so He gently reminds me who's in control. ;) I don't believe He ever gives me false hope or leads me down the wrong path. I do that all on my own! But I am so very thankful He makes the detour with me and drags me back on the main road and sets my feet firmly on it and then directs me down it.

I've had to use the walker more this past week then I would have liked, but in that I believe God is teaching me humility. I have constantly over this journey told God that I would praise His name in the good AND the bad, but looking back over this past week, I have to admit, I haven't been praising Him that much. I've been frustrated and mad that my walking hasn't been the greatest. I tend to forget all the GOOD stuff that God has already provided and see only the "bad" stuff and the struggles and then I get frustrated and teary and in a funk. BUT, let me say it now - God is a Good, Good God. Even in the bad! I am so thankful that I don't get what I deserve, but instead He forgives and grants me grace. I'll be the first to tell you, I'm no one anyone should look up to. I'm constantly having to ask for forgiveness because I'm constantly putting my foot in my mouth, getting frustrated, getting mad, getting "woe is me". I'm just a girl trying to get from Point A to Point B without falling or making a fool of myself. I am also a girl in constant need of grace. If you get anything out of these blog posts, you didn't get it from me, you got it from God.

My walking may not have been the greatest this past week (and even now), but the week was not and is not a waste. You want to know why? It's because God is "showing me what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6-8

God's Got This!!