Since writing that last post, I have had good days and not-so-good days. I have to get it through my thick skull that this is OK and human. The thing is, I'm an all or none girl. Believe me when I tell you I am working on this, but I tend to see things black and white:
"I'm going to be able to walk again with no problems."
"I'm never going to walk right again."
That's just not the case with either scenario.
The truth is, I'm going to have a mixture of both good and bad days, like everyone else. So, while I was elated Thursday, Friday and Saturday, it was on Sunday that I started having problems again. Monday was not a good walking day (although overall a wonderful day because it was my mom's birthday!!) and today has turned out to be somewhat like Monday.
I decided this morning that I would try turning the electricity down by .10. I'm now at 2.70 volts, still on Frequency B. To be frank, I've doubted my decision all day. I thought up until this very moment that I would increase it again to stay at where I've stayed the past week: 2.80 volts. But, in the end, I'm leaving it at 2.70 volts, because, for crying out loud, it hasn't even been a full 24 hours at this level. ;) But don't be surprised if there is another post later in the week, saying I turned it back up. By saying that, I'm really just giving myself permission to turn it up if I see no results! Haha.
Vanderbilt called me yesterday. Specifically, the physical therapy department called me. They said that they had gotten orders from my neurologist to set up appointments with me. My first reaction was to tell them that I don't live in Nashville. They said that they saw that and wondered if I was going to be in Nashville sometime soon. I told them I had appointments on September 22 and I could meet with them then. Then they told me that these would be reoccurring appointments (like weekly). To this, I said that I'd like to be referred to a physical therapy center closer to home. So the woman on the other end of the line asked if I'd like to cancel the request. I told her yes and said that I would get my doctor to refer me to a physical therapy center here in Knoxville. We hung up with each other. I had to laugh to myself because my dad had been asking if I was to do any physical therapy. I had told him no, that they hadn't said anything about that. So then I thought to myself, they must just be waiting until 6 months out from surgery for me to begin it. I was super busy at work, so I didn't get a chance to call my Nashville neurologist, when, about 30 minutes after the physical therapy place called, my scheduling coordinator from Vanderbilt, Patricia, called. She asked if I wanted a new neurologist closer to home and did I want all of my stuff transferred to Knoxville. What?! Where did that come from?! I told her NO!! Side note: all of my care and appointments will eventually be transferred to Knoxville, but not until after my 6 month post-op appointments and evaluations are complete. Even then, I'll go to Nashville in a year for a follow up appointment with Dr. T. OK, I'm done with the side-note. :) Patricia then asked why I had cancelled the motor skills appointment she had reserved for me on September 22. I told her I didn't. Then she asked if I had gotten a call from a physical therapy center in Nashville. I told her I had. She said that was the motor skills test. I told her it wasn't. The lady from the physical therapy center said that she needed to set me up with reoccurring physical therapy appointments and I told her if that was the case, I needed them in Knoxville. This is when both Patricia and I figured out what was going on. Patricia apologized profusely and said that whomever I spoke with must be new because all Patricia and Dr. T. had sent over was an appointment for the motor skills test. They had NOT sent over a request for physical therapy sessions. She again apologized. She said that the physical therapy place wasn't even supposed to call me (that's Patricia's job - hence her title of scheduling coordinator) and that she would get my appointment re-scheduled. Thank God, for scheduling coordinators!!!
Last night, my dad was helping me walk out of a restaurant were we had been celebrating my Mom's birthday. I was having issues. We were talking about the process and I told him that sometimes a little distraction while I'm walking is good for me (like talking to him while we walked). I kid you not, the second I spit out those words, I stumbled!! To which Dad said, "What made that happen?!" And to which I replied, "Probably being distracted talking to you!" You can't tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor - haha!! Another side note: Dad was holding on to me and didn't let me fall. Thank you Dad for catching me! :)
I've been reflecting a lot this past week on what I wrote in my last post. It is so, so easy to be happy and cheerful and in an excellent mood when my walking is great and so, so easy to be down and depressed when my walking is less than ideal. Like I said in my last post, I do believe the devil is real and he lives in this world and he's so excited about tripping me up (haha - see what I did there? Tripping!), but I have to hold to the firm foundation that he can't get to me if I keep my eyes on Jesus. Again, I'll use the Bible story of Peter walking on water. When Peter's eyes were on Jesus he WALKED ON WATER!!! It was only after he looked away and saw the waves that he started to sink. But even as he started to sink, Jesus grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into the boat. I'm so thankful for a God like that. That even when I take my eyes off of Him, he still loves me enough to reach down and grab me and pull me to safety.
I thought of 3 goals this past week. As I sit here tonight, I'm laughing because the first goal is hard for me, let alone the 2nd and 3rd. However, I'm going to post them here, because I have faith that God will allow me to do all three.
Goal #1: Walk without the walker
Goal #2: Walk without the cane
Goal #3: ice skate
Yeah, that third one really does say ice skate. I've wanted to do it since as far back as I can remember. It seems like a far fetched goal right now, but at the same time, I really have a feeling that I could do it one day. Anyway, it's always fun to dream big with goals. All three of these are big, but I've got a big God!
In closing, I'll say again, this past week has been full of good days and full of not-so-good days, but God's continuing to weave my story together. I am so excited to see what He's got in store. God's Got This!!
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