Tune-In-Tuesday: I Can Do Hard Things

Country singer, Jennifer Nettles has come out with a new song titled, "I Can Do Hard Things". To be honest, I hadn't heard the song until today when I YouTubed (yes, I just made that word a verb!) it, but the title of her song has been in my mind for days, if not every day this past week. I can do hard things. Sometimes those hard things include getting up after a fall or walking into work because I must, but feeling like I may fall at any time. Sometimes it’s putting a smile on my face and masking the fear that fills me to walk. Other times, “hard things” is humbling myself and asking for help. Three years out of deep brain stimulation surgery and I’m still learning. Some people have told me, "You're so brave, you had brain surgery." I know what they mean and I thank them for that compliment, however, I like to say, the surgery was only hard for the surgeon. The hard part for me is everything that came after the surgery - ha! But, when I feel weak, God is my stronghold.

I’ve struggled again this past week with walking. I was “this close” to making it a whole week without falling and then I fell. I tripped over my own two feet. Go figure! No one's ever accused me of being graceful. 😉 It's beginning (I know… after THREE years) to sink in that I will have good days and bad. (DUH, doesn't everyone?!). It’s going to come in cycles. I must savor and praise God for the great days and store them in my memory bank for the bad days. Bad days will come, but I know that I will get through them. DBS isn’t a miracle. Only God can perform miracles. DBS is, however, a tool that God has blessed me with to be able to help with the hard. I was just reflecting today on the decision to have it done and to this day, without batting an eye, I can say I’d do it all over again. I don’t regret one bit that I went that route. It’s been a blessing – even with all the hard days.

I had two sweet co-workers encourage me with their words yesterday. I thank God for them and for their encouragement. I can get lost in my thoughts of what I imagine other people think of me and that is paralyzing. But that’s what the devil wants – for me to be paralyzed by my fear. Well, not today, Satan, not today! God’s bigger than my fears and He helps me overcome.

The words that always come to mind when I’m paralyzed with fear are: "I know who goes before me, I know who stands behind, The God of Angel Armies is always by my side.” (Whom Shall I Fear by Chris Tomlin) Ever since I first heard that song – those are the words that instantly come to mind. The visual on those words comfort me immeasurably.

I’ve come to the realization that the more I walk, the better things are. It’s using muscle memory. But when I’m having “bad” days, walking is what I want to do the least. Isn’t that in all things? The thing we want to do least is sometimes the very thing we need to do to grow, to get better, to succeed, to build courage.

God’s continuing to teach me patience. I’m pretty sure He’ll be teaching me that for the rest of my life. 😉 So, I’m waiting. I’m waiting to do anything with the electricity because I truly feel that this is “just a phase”. But who really knows? Maybe it’s not. I may decide right after posting this that I do want to experiment again with the electricity. I did check to make sure my device was on, because wouldn’t that be something? To go through all of this and then realize it was because my device was turned off! But I assure you, it’s NOT turned off – I checked!

I don't share any of this with you to gain sympathy. In fact, please do NOT feel bad for me. Please don't treat me any different from anyone else. I'm no more different or special then anyone else and I don't want to be treated like that. I'm no saint. I'm a sinner in need of forgiveness, just like the next person. I'll be the first to tell you, I DO ask "why me?" at times. I do whine and complain and get upset and frustrated, but that's just life. I blog because it's a release for me. It's also a history of where I've come from and where I'm going with God's grace. It's a record to show that this journey isn't always pretty even after DBS. I still struggle.

BUT.....

I know that God’s working in my life – without a shadow of a doubt, I know He’s working. I see it in the simple and complex areas in my life. Thank you, Lord for everything. I'm still a work in progress. My only goal in all of this blogging and sharing is to bring glory to God and hopefully help someone else see that God is good all the time and even in the hard parts of life, God's Got This!