Do you ever have those days when nothing works out or everything goes awry?! What am I saying?! Everyone has those days! It’s called life. I’ve had a couple of those days in the past week and really all I can do is laugh about them. 😊
Overall, this past week has been great. My walking has been stable for the most part. I’ve had a few times when I wasn’t so stable or I got “into my head”, but overall, it’s been pretty good. I am, however, thinking back over the week and am thankful for the help of others. On Thursday, Mom and I went to see a musical at the Tennessee Theatre (and if you’re Facebook friends with me, you know the musical I’m talking about – ha!). I’m thankful that Mom drops me off and picks me up right in front of the theatre. Yes, I could walk from the parking garage to the theatre, but it would take a lot of effort and a lot of time (because let’s face it, I’m not all that fast!). I’m thankful for church members like Karen who came up behind me as I was walking into church on Sunday and asked if I needed a hand. Again, I could have made it on my own, but it would have taken forever. I’m thankful for “Baby” Hope (my 2-year-old niece) who held my hand as we walked up to Communion at church and just because she was holding it, I could walk steadier. I’m thankful.
Sometimes I can force myself to walk correctly, other times I have no control. It’s weird and I don’t know how to accurately describe what I mean, so you’ll just have to trust me on this, unless you experience it yourself. 😉
On Saturday, I nearly had to go visit my brother at the ER as a patient because I sliced my finger open trying to do a good deed. I avoided going, but I debated it for a little while! I injured myself so many times on Saturday it was starting to become comical. Seriously, three separate injuries, but surprisingly, none of them were from falling - haha, so that's a positive spin on the situation(s).
Unexpectedly my iPhone died today. I didn’t know how dependent on my phone I was until I didn’t have it. I couldn’t make or receive any calls or texts. It simple kept saying no service. After taking the SIM card out and doing all the other million things the Internet told me to do to get it working again, I called Verizon (my provider) and they had me doing different things. Finally, after they couldn’t help me, I took my phone to the Verizon store. They gave it a new SIM card and still nothing worked. The options were to go to the Apple store for them to diagnosis what was going on or get a new phone. Since I’d already been having other issues with my phone, I decided to just bite the bullet and go ahead and get a new one. So frustrating and yet, that's just life, right?! It's not life or death - it's a phone. Get it fixed (or in my case buy a new one) and move on!!
Yesterday, I had a check-up with the neurologist and was thrown a curve-ball. First, it was probably the best I’ve ever walked in front of Dr. Tolleson – yay, me! Whenever I go to see him, I totally feel like I’m going in to get a tune-up. I get attached to this big remote he has and he checks to make sure everything is working properly. But here’s what threw me for a loop: he said that my battery - the one that's implanted right under my collarbone - is extremely low. He was shocked by how low it is, as he doesn’t have me on an extremely high setting or anything. The only thing he could think of was that maybe because he’s stimulating two areas, it’s taking up more battery life. I’ve only had the battery for 2 and ½ years and it’s supposed to last at least 5. I must have it replaced ASAP. Like within 2-4 weeks ASAP. He said he could send me back to Vanderbilt to get it done, or I could get it done here. Since he’s here now, I want to get it done here. He said the surgeon that does them only does the battery, not anything in the brain – so if I ever need something replaced (like a wire or a lead) in my brain, I would have to go back to Vanderbilt, but for a battery change, I can stay here. He said that the surgery is easy. To which I responded, “Easy for you to say!” 😉 I asked if I would have to be under general anesthesia. He said that they probably would do it under general, but I could ask about a local. He said that as a neurologist, he doesn't like putting people under general, but the surgeon probably would do that. He said all that happens in the surgery is the surgeon opens the scar, pulls the dead battery out and puts a new one in. But (in my mind) it’s still “surgery” (especially if it’s under general anesthesia). --- Also, on a lighter note, I CAN NOT spell or remember how to spell anesthesia at all. I’m always taking my best guess and having Microsoft give me word suggestions. 😉 --- Dr. Tolleson’s office is contacting the surgeon and getting things set up, but Dr. Tolleson said that if I don’t hear back from his office or the surgeon’s office this week, I need to call ASAP next week. I was REALLY hoping to avoid having to have any surgeries (as small as they may be) this year, but, I’m so very thankful that I saw Dr. Tolleson when I did and he’s on top of getting it replaced ASAP. I do NOT want the stimulation to just stop one day because the battery’s dead!
Dr. Tolleson did say that there is the option of getting a re-chargeable battery inserted. He said those usually last around 10 years before needing to be replaced. That sounded wonderful to me. He said the only downside is that I would have to recharge the battery. That didn’t seem so bad until I asked him how often I would have to recharge it. His answer? Every week. EVERY WEEK!! I know, I know we take medicine every day or we work out every week or we do other things every day or every week, but I don’t want to have to recharge myself every week! OK that last sentence could be taken two ways. I love "recharging myself". I don't want to have to recharge a battery in myself every week! I asked what he would do. Of course he wouldn’t tell me. 😉 He did say that I was young though and that I’m going to have this device for the rest of my life, so that was something to consider. I decided it was worth it to “set it and forget it” and have to have it replaced every so often then have to recharge it every week.
Another thing that threw me for a loop in a good way was Dr. Tolleson said that my left arm and hand were much looser. I asked if that was a good thing (just to make sure) and he said it most definitely was. So, yay! I don't know what's caused that - if it's the DBS therapy, yoga or what, but I'm very thankful!
While meeting with Dr. Tolleson, he asked me point blank, “Are you happy?’ To which I responded, “Yes, yes I am.” If nothing gets any better than where it is today, I’m still happy with the outcome. I found it kind of profound that he asked me that. He never has in the past. Am I happy? Of course I’m not happy all the time and I get so frustrated when I can’t walk correctly, but overall, looking back from where I’ve come to where I am now, yes…yes I am happy. He said he noticed that I seemed happier. He asked if I was still walking without the assistance of a cane or walker. I told him I was, although sometimes I probably should use one or the other. Just stopping to think about that – am I using a walker or cane to get around – and realizing (no matter how hard it may be on certain days to walk without them) that I am NOT walking with a walker or cane, brought me great joy and put it all in to perspective.
Yoga has also brought me great joy recently. I think it’s because it’s showing me what I CAN do. When I’m having a bad day with balance or walking, to do upper body strength training or do some yoga pose and succeed at it, helps me to focus on what I can do and not wallow in what I can’t. I love being able to conquer things whether it be a pose, or a fear. It’s empowering. And, in case anyone was wondering, Dr. Tolleson is completely behind me doing it. He was actually very pleased that I am doing it.
Reading the Bible every day too has brought me exceeding joy. It’s most definitely empowering! It’s amazing to me what jumps out at me from a page. It can be a very significant thing or it can be as simple and silly as a verse that mentions both my dad’s favorite nut (pistachio) and my favorite nut (almond). Haha. 😊 Seriously though, reading the Bible is a blessing and the discipline of it is wonderful.
If you're keeping up with my goal for July, I'm still chipping away at learning how to do push-ups. I increased this past week to doing 5 in the morning and 5 at night. However, my shoulder has started hurting so my yoga instructor told me to go back down to 3 in the morning and 3 at night. It's all about quality and not so much about quantity anyway.
I think that's enough for this post. Sorry for all the rambling! I'm exceedingly blessed and I'm so thankful that in EVERY situation, "God's Got This"!
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