If you read my post from last week, you'll know that I got this idiotic idea to challenge myself to do push-ups. I have NO idea why I decided to do this and make it "public" - haha. I told my yoga instructor, so she's holding my feet to the fire! In all reality, I really, really, really do want to learn how to do them, do them correctly and become stronger, but there are moments that I think to myself, "This was a dumb idea. Why did I say I want to do this?!" But, "going public" so to speak, by putting this in my blog, has kept me going. For one week, I've done three push-ups in the morning and three at night. That doesn't seem like a lot and I'm sure you're laughing because of only 6 a day, but I don't care. I'm learning how to do push-ups and getting stronger, so it's worth it. One day, I hope to be the one laughing, if I ever re-read this. If I keep at it, 6 a day may become 10 a day, 20 a day and so on until I do push-ups without any thought. "Rome wasn't built in a day" and neither is my ability to do push-ups, but they are coming along.
Another thing my yoga instructor got me hooked on was the L pose. She showed it to me for the first time last week. I tried it and couldn't do it, but I went home and tried again and again and then it happened! I don't know how, it just did. I sent my yoga instructor a video. This is a little snippet of it. It's kind of embarrassing, but here it is. Don't judge ;) I know my form isn't great, but the fact is...I DID IT!!!!!!
However, in order to keep me humble, at yoga tonight, I was only able to do it once. That's it. One time. The rest of the times were failures. I was frustrated beyond belief. Why couldn't I do it more than once?! There's a lesson to be learned there. Even my yoga instructor saw it. She said sometimes you just have to let it go. I didn't want to end the session on a "failure", so I tried and tried and tried again until I just had to realize it wasn't going to happen more than once tonight. I had to let it go. As Meryl reminded me, I've only been trying this for a week. Again, "Rome wasn't built in a day."
The rest of my week has been going well. I do get frustrated when I can't really "show" others that my walking is better. I get "stage fright" walking into church, work, wherever. I got it again tonight when trying to show Meryl the L pose. Why do I get so "into my head" that I end up freezing and not "performing" as I know I can? AHHH!!! It's so frustrating!! I laugh when I think back to my younger days. I longed to be famous, to have my name up in lights and for everyone to know me. Now that I'm older, that's the last thing I want! My, how times have changed! ;)
My personality lends to being disciplined. If I set my mind to something, I'm going to do it, one way or another. I'm rather stubborn and don't like to fail (who does?!). I can be very rigid and unforgiving of myself. I'm very unrelenting in my determination. But through this journey, God's chipping away at my perfectionism. No one is perfect except God Himself. He loves me just the way I am, for He made me. It was a very good thing that I didn't succeed tonight in doing the L pose more than once. It's driving me a little insane that I couldn't do it, but it's also good. Why? Because God's showing me to lay my perfectionism down and give myself grace. It's hard. So hard. But...God's Got This!
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