I say that and yet I worry what Dr. Tolleson (my neurologist) will say when I see him on Thursday. Will he be mad that I didn’t “play” with the different settings? (I didn’t change the settings because they worked, but recently I’ve been having more problems). Will he be disappointed in my progress (or lack there of)? Will this be the end of the road (meaning he won’t have anything else for me to try)? We are both perfectionists. I want to walk perfectly. I don’t want to settle. I’ve seen a glimpses of perfect, so I know I can do it. I get frustrated when I can’t do it all the time. Another doctor asked me this week if I was prepared for it to be more of an ebb and flow process? I guess I could get used to that, but I'd rather it just be an "I can walk with no problems" process. ;) I sound like I’m whining, don’t I? Nobody likes to hear (or read as the case may be) whining, so I’ll quit. It’s just that I do want you to know that I do get down and I do get frustrated and sometimes I have pity parties for myself!
All that said, I had a good week. I didn’t fall. Last Tuesday, I became semi-famous (hahaha – not really at all!!) by reminiscing on camera about a taxidermy skunk that I won at a company holiday party back in 2015. Thirty seconds before I won the skunk, I turned to my co-worker Justin and promised that if I won it, I would give it to him. So, that’s exactly what I did. He wanted it so bad and really, what was I going to do with a taxidermy skunk?! Justin named him Slater.
Last Thursday, Mom and I went to see Miranda Lambert in concert. It was a blast! I’m blessed to have a mom who wants to do these things with me! Also, navigating concert venues without a walker or cane is SO much easier. Although, to be honest, I held on to Mom's arm the entire time (walking in and out), so I could 1) Walk faster and 2) not fall. I could do it without holding on to her, it would just take a LOT longer. ;)
I also got to wear my new socks that I got at my friend Kristen’s store:
On Saturday, I sat at Mom’s Parade of Tables table at church along with my sisters-in-law.
On Sunday, I needed help getting in to church, but I knew I needed help and I accepted it from a friend, thankful she was there to help me out! Also on Sunday, my niece, Baby (haha, she’ll be 2 on April 11, I don’t why I still think of her as “baby”) Hope sat on my lap the entire length of the church service and she walked with me up to Communion. Just holding her hand allowed me to be completely able to walk without issue. Amazing how the touch of a hand can allow that in me!
Today, as I was feeling frustrated with my walking, my sweet co-workers cheered me on. Seriously, everywhere I need it, God sends his angles to help. My co-workers are gems. They encourage me so much and remind me of where I was and where I am now. My friends at church do the same, as do all my friends. Sometimes, I only see the struggle, but am so encouraged by others who see that I’m only focusing on that and try to get me to see what has improved. I am most certainly blessed.
I don’t know why I had to do this at 11pm last night, but the thought came to mind that maybe I should check my remote control to the deep brain stimulation device. Maybe it accidentally got turned off. Again, why I couldn’t have checked this early in the day, is beyond me. I got it out and turned it on and got this message:
I had to find the manual and figure out what that meant. Turns out, the batteries were dead and needed to be changed.
It’s only the batteries to the remote, meaning the stimulator is still on and working, I just wouldn’t have been able to do any programming with the remote. After a change of batteries, the remote worked perfectly.
I’m excited, yet anxious about my neurology appointment on Thursday. I just don’t want to be at the “we’ve done all we can” part. I want to keep getting better. I’ve come this far. I know deep down in my heart that God’s God This. I need to keep reminding myself of it.
Thank you, again for continuing to follow along on this journey with me and for enduring my whining. Writing is cathartic. I’m an introvert, so writing allows me to get all my feelings out. You can choose to either read or not read this blog and I’ll never know!! Haha. But if you’ve read this far, I commend you. And I thank you. You are a blessing to me.
No matter how frustrated or melancholy I may get, I always, always, always know that God’s Got This! And as long as He’s with me on this journey, I’ll be alright.
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