I’ve been told that planks are going to make me stronger. They’re either going to do that or kill me, I haven’t figured out which one yet. I thought yoga was supposed to be relaxing! My yoga instructor has been giving me strengthening workouts and poses and believe me, they are not relaxing. I had a yoga session with her tonight and it was humbling. There may be no crying in baseball, but tonight I may or may not have shed a tear or two in yoga. I get frustrated with myself. I know “Rome wasn’t built in a day”, but sometimes I can’t even get the simplest of moves down. HOWEVER, I have the best instructor. She is so encouraging. I get frustrated at myself, but she never gets frustrated at me. She modifies things for me. But most of all, she’s encouraging. I love a challenge, but I also get easily frustrated. I want to work hard. I want to learn the poses. I want to get stronger. Meryl is the person helping me get there. I could simply quit when things get tough, but I don’t, because I’m not doing this for anyone but myself. It’s hard – harder than I ever thought it would be, but isn’t that the point? If everything was easy in life, life wouldn’t be as beautiful as it is when you conquer something. As an example: When I first started yoga, I couldn’t do the “warrior pose” at all. To be honest, sometimes I still can’t do it, but this morning, I held the pose (balancing on my right leg) for 3 minutes. THREE MINUTES!!!!!!!!! OK, I know that’s not long for some people, but for me it’s huge. To bring it back to reality though, standing on my left leg, well – I wasn’t so successful, but I’ll get there. Practice makes perfect, right?! So, while I got frustrated and disappointed and was humbled by tonight’s session, I know that with practice, I can get better. Meryl told me something else tonight that I simply adore: Do the best you can for YOU. It may have to be modified or tweaked, but who cares? Do the very best YOU can do and don’t compare yourself to others.
To be honest, this past week was emotional all the way around for me. I think I burnt both ends of the candle by just going, going, going. March 21 marked what would have been my stillborn baby sister, Stacia’s 28th birthday. That day and the days surrounding it tend to be very emotional for me. I’m the crier in the family. I accept that. I can cry at the drop of a hat (which is probably why I cried in yoga!). When Stacia died, I was just 3 months shy of turning 10. If you don’t think a 10 year old can remember/process what happened or be affected by what happened for the rest of her life, well, just ask me. Little did I know back then how much Stacia’s death would affect me, but sitting here typing this post as a 37-year-old, I can tell you it did in major ways. Stacia was nine pounds of perfect that God decided to take home. I remember the day she was stillborn. I remember her funeral. I remember she looked like a porcelain baby doll. All this to say, that every year March 21 still brings tears to my eyes and a longing for what could have been. However, God’s plan is always perfect, so I trust Him. And, like I always say, without Stacia there would have been no Steven (my brother who was born the following year in May) and he keeps our family laughing constantly. So this year, I once again survived March 21 and I thank God for His perfect plan. The week, other than being emotional, was pretty good. I had some good walking days and days where I struggled a little more, but all-in-all, it was good. There were moments that I walked excellently and then there were moments that brought me back to reality – ha!
By last Saturday, I was worn out. So much so that I slept most of the day. I did get up to eat and I did work-out and do yoga, but that was only to make me feel like I did something productive - ha! The rest of the day was spent sleeping and friending people on Facebook (just being honest!). Last week was long. Physically and emotionally, I was drained, so I was very thankful for a day of rest.
Sunday, as I was walking in to church, some of my friends, Carol and Cheryl, were walking out. Carol offered to help me in the rest of way and I let her. I had just turned down an offer of help, but when Carol asked, I decided the extra help would be great. Walking back to my car after church, I tripped a little but another friend, Carrie, was there to come beside me and walk with me. I love those who don’t think it an inconvenience and just come up beside me to help when they sense I may need it. Thank you, God for these people. Sometimes (although not in this case), it’s people I’d least expect and it makes me thankful.
As I was perusing Facebook this morning, I saw an article that explained exactly why I was (and still am) gung-ho about (potentially) writing a book: it was because I was at the beach a couple of weeks ago!! There was an article titled, “Neuroscientists Strongly Recommend That You Visit The Beach Regularly. Here’s Why”. Here are the 4 points (number 2 is my reasoning behind thinking of writing a book) they shared:
1) Going to the beach reduces stress
2) The beach boosts your creativity
3) Going to the beach can help reduce feelings of depression
4) Overall, spending time at the beach will change your perspective on life
Whether any of the above is true or not, it makes sense to me! I love, love, love the beach.
In closing, I’ll be brutally honest and say that I tend to think of myself as neither physically, mentally or spiritually strong, but my thoughts on myself are changing. They are SLOWLY changing, but they are changing. I’m seeing strength in my life where I least expected. I’m finding that things I thought I couldn’t do, I can do and I’m growing. I’m a work in progress (as we all are). I’m learning to love people more and judge less. I’m learning that with Jesus, I have everything. I’m still growing and learning, falling and getting back up again, crying tears of frustration and crying tears of joy, learning my limitations and reveling in my greatest accomplishments. I’m by no means the expert on anything in life but I do know this: God’s Got This!
No comments:
Post a Comment