After having some not so great walking days in the past few weeks, this past week was wonderful! It’s amazing to me (but shouldn’t be) how a streak of good walking days can brighten my outlook on life. I shouldn’t be amazed by this, for I know the Lord is behind and in every fabulous day. I also know he’s there on the not-so-fabulous days too and for all of this, I thank him profusely. I continue to marvel at how He’s working in my life.
My second week of being at 4.00 volts of electricity was MUCH better than my first week at that level. I didn’t fall and felt more stable than I have in a while and yet – my toes still curled under. So – today, I upped the electricity up to 4.10 volts to see if that will allow my toes to lay flat.
This past weekend was soul reviving. Soul reviving because I got to spend some quality time with my 2 year old niece. Seeing life through her eyes is truly magical. An example of this was: She started digging in gravel and I asked her what she was doing. She said she was digging for treasure. When her treasures are rocks and pebbles, sticks and grass, it reminds me of what truly matters in life. Faith. Family. Friends. Relationships. That’s what matters most. I took Genevieve to Cades Cove.
I thought a drive around the 11 mile loop would be awesome, but it turned out to be so much more. We got out at almost every stop. We explored the cabins and walked and walked and walked in fields of grass. I didn’t fall once. I didn’t trip. I didn’t slip. I was able to move and explore and just live life without worrying about falling.
Randomly, I would say, “I love you, Genevieve.” And she would respond, “I love you, Teplanie.” Melt my heart! I took pictures of her and then she asked to take pictures of me. I gave her my phone and she went to town!
Then she chased butterflies. She chased me. We had a blast. She declared a wood shack “her house”. She doesn’t see me as “broken” or “disabled” or “different” in any way. The first time she saw me with my real hair (after I stopped wearing the wig) she said, "Hair! Pretty. I touch?" (We taught her not to touch the wig since it would get dirty faster if she did). Then she said, "Curly. I like." This past weekend, when I held her, she'd mindlessly run her fingers through my hair. Those little moments are what I'll remember forever. She’s so pure and innocent and I love that. She’s not prejudiced. She loves me for me. I love her for her. I’m her aunt and she’s my niece. She laughed and giggled all day long. Because she laughed and giggled all day, I laughed and giggled all day. That was soul reviving to me. I didn’t know how much I needed that until I had it. The only thing I could think to pray all weekend was, “Thank you”. Thank you, Jesus for giving me, TWO precious treasures to love. I have two nieces that I love with all of my heart. I can’t wait to take the other niece to Cades Cove when she’s older. When I look at my nieces, I ask God what I did to deserve them in my life. I know the answer is: I did nothing. I didn’t do anything to be this blessed, but I realize that God gave me these beautiful treasures as a gift and all I can say is, “Thank you, Jesus!”
God’s working on my fear of walking in front of people. The fear is dissipating. It’s not gone entirely, but it’s better. I feel a little more confident. I still get jittery in certain situations, but I realize that I can’t live life without having to walk in front of people – ha! So, I just have to walk and trust God that I won’t fall. And if I fall, I have to trust God that I’ll get back up again. I may be embarrassed for a moment or two, but in the grand scheme of things, I’ll be OK!! I’m a little scared that I’m typing this tonight and that I’ll fall tomorrow and not be so confident. But you know what? That’s life. I can’t just lay down and die. I have to get from Point A to Point B. No matter how hard it may be, I have to do it. Make no mistake, this past week was not perfect, but no one is perfect except God Himself. So – I walk. I pray for courage. I pray for confidence. I pray for healing. I trust God that all will be OK.
In the past, I’ve had multiple days and/or weeks of feeling like I can’t walk without falling followed by multiple days and/or weeks of good walking. Even if this remains the case, I know God’s in control. I will REJOICE greatly if good walking days remain forever, but I’ll REJOICE in whatever God’s plan is, because no matter what, God’s Got This!!
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