Day 29 - Dystonia and My Left Side

Today I realized that while I have alluded to the fact that I have other physical problems because of dystonia, other than my leg and foot, I've never really gone in-depth with what they are. So I thought I'd remedy that on the next to last day of this 30 days/30 posts about dystonia awareness.

I have what's called adult onset hemi-dystonia. It means I was an adult when the symptoms started and that they are focused on one side of my body. In my case it's my left side. Everything on that side of my body is effected in some way. This means, eye, neck, arm, hand, fingers, back, leg, foot and toes - everything. :) It's kind of scary when I actually put that into words and think about it! Thankfully though, most of my symptoms are pretty mild excluding the leg and foot, but even those are pretty tame when I compare them to what I find on the Internet!!

I'll let you in on a secret. If you asked me to flex my arm muscles, I can do it on the right side, but I can't on the left. Not at all. I can form the fist and put my arms up in the "flex your muscle" stance, but for the life of me, I can not flex that muscle. No amount of willing myself to do it can get it done.

Ask me to hold anything heavy in my left arm and hand and I struggle. When trying to explain this to people, I use the example of getting a gallon of milk out of the refrigerator. I can do it with my left hand, but it, along with my arm goes limp and it's very hard to keep my grip. So, I just thank the Lord that I'm right handed!

I also can't type like everyone else. I use my right hand for most of the typing. I've been doing it for so long, it doesn't even phase me any more, but if you were to watch me type, you'd notice that I don't use my left hand all that much.

I'm very thankful that I have an automatic car, because I think it would be very hard for me to coordinate my foot enough to work a manual.

When asked to jump on my left foot (don't laugh, neurologists make you do all kinds of fun stuff - ha!), I can't. I can't even begin to think how to do it. I can't explain it other than I just can't do it. I can however jump on my right foot without any problem.

All the stuff I could do as a child like somersaults and cartwheels and skipping - I can't do anymore. I don't have the least bit of idea how to even begin to do those actions anymore (and don't say it's because I'm old!!).

This is silly, but dystonia is to blame for me being unable to wink with my left eye. I have no idea how to do it. I just can't get my brain to cooperate with my muscles. :)

All I can say is that the signals from my brain just really don't like the left side of my body for some reason! It is what it is and I am so thankful that the right side of my body compensates as much as it does for the things the left side can't or won't do! God has made our physical body to be amazing!

I can tell that there is something wrong with my body. I can tell that my left side doesn't respond as well as my right, that I can't do with my left what I can do with my right. Whether it's noticeable or not, I can tell that there is a difference between my sides. But at the same time, I'm coming (although rather slowly!) to the conclusion that no matter what, God still thinks I'm beautiful.

It's kind of embarrassing for me to tell you all that I can't do, especially the stuff you wouldn't necessarily even have to know! I'm definitely not doing it for sympathy. I have been, by far, exceedingly blessed in life! I'm telling it as fact only, just so that you know what the condition does - at least to me. There are other cases, much worse cases than mine. Some people develop a stutter because of how dystonia effects their vocal cords. Others go virtually blind because they can not stop blinking enough to see. Still others are wheelchair bound or live in constant pain. So knowing all of that, I considered myself very blessed indeed!

God's teaching me to come out of my shell a little bit more - to be bolder and braver. I don't necessarily like sharing my weaknesses with everyone, but the Lord does say that in our weakness He is made strong. So, I hope that through my weaknesses God's light will shine.