Day 21 - Dystonia and Pre and Post Thinking

Do you have an event in your life that you always go back to and gage time on? Like before and after? I sometimes think mine is dystonia. Remembering events comes with the added thought of "Oh that was before dystonia" or "That was after dystonia". Take for example my Uncle David's wedding in New York. I remember that as a "pre-dystonia" event, while my brother Stanton's wedding also in New York is remembered as a "post-dystonia" event. Everything seems to be gaged on that now. I remember vacations pre and post. Pre, I was able to run, jump and play, while post was spent looking for a handicap accessible beach. I always took for granted walking across a parking lot. I didn't know at the time that I was taking advantage of it, but I remember distinctly being in the neurologists office and looking out the window at a guy walking across the parking lot and thinking to myself, "I wonder if he knows how great he has it, just to be walking unassisted?".

I must say though that wonderful things have happened to me both pre-dystonia and post-dystonia. Just because you're diagnosed with something doesn't mean life stops. It's definitely altered, but not necessarily over. I kind of wonder if God is using this dystonia to bring me out of my shell. I've always been shy, reserved and quiet in public. However, post dystonia, I've had to speak up. I've had to ask for help. I've had to overcome embarrassment and put away pride. I've had to be more of an extrovert.

I believe God works everything together for His good. Therefore, I believe that He can and has and will continue to use dystonia for my good. Some days are incredibly rough: I scream and cry and get mad and frustrated and want my old life, pre-dystonia back. But then God shows me that He is woven into my dystonia story. He is always there and always faithful. He was there pre-dystonia and He's here post-dystonia and I'm learning to accept that He knows what's best.