Tune-in-Tuesday: November 13, 2018

I've been thinking about what to write about tonight. My walking has not been the greatest this past week. But I can also say it hasn't been the worst either. The weather hasn't played nice (meaning it's been cold and wet) and I know that's contributed to my walking woes, but as I sit here tonight writing this post I can truthfully say that I am still blessed beyond measure. On a day-to-day basis, I can get incredibly frustrated about things, but when I actually take the time to reflect on things, I can only see how blessed I am.

I was talking with a co-worker today about my nieces (I mean, who's surprised by that?!). She said something like "all those girls" and I said to her that what a lot of people don't know is that the family is dominated by boys. I have three brothers and no sisters, I'm the only girl out of 11 grandchildren on my Mom's side and I'm one of only two girls out of 11 grandchildren on my Dad's side. Boys are everywhere!! :) My co-worker remarked that God must have been listening to someone's prayers about letting girls be born into the family, to which I replied, "Mine! He answered MY prayers! Talk about patience and waiting on the Lord, it took 34 years, but God finally answered MY prayers about girls!" No sooner had the words come out of my mouth that I realized GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS ALL THE TIME ON HIS OWN TIME. I've known this, but it was just a reminder that He does listen and hear and answer prayer. What does this have to do with my walking? It reminded me again to continue to pray for healing. He is able. I am so much better than I was, but I still struggle. Maybe that's the answer He wants me to accept, but maybe not. So I must keep praying, keep asking, keep having faith that God knows all and He knows what He is doing in my life.

Yesterday, I did something I've never done before: I took the wrong medicine at the wrong time. I'm supposed to take this one medication twice a day. It's a Parkinson's drug, but helps with muscle spasms. I usually take it right when I get up in the morning and then after lunch. Yesterday, I took it three times. As soon as I swallowed it, I knew I'd taken the wrong meds. I was still at work (but it was the end of the work day) and my co-worker (the same one I talked about in the above paragraph) was still there too. I immediately said, "I took the wrong meds!" to which she replied, "Do we need to take you to get your stomach pumped?!" So maybe we were both being a little dramatic - haha! I looked up the medication and its side-effects and I wasn't going to die or overdose from taking it three times a day instead of two, but it did rattle me a little because I'm usually so careful about that kind of thing. The funny thing is, if I were in trouble, I have an ER doctor brother and a pharmacist sister-in-law that I could call or see if need be.

Does anyone watch The Good Doctor? It's one of my "new" (it's in its second season on ABC) favorite shows. I love it. A couple of weeks back they had a DBS story line. The patient who ended up getting DBS got it for different reasons than I did, but it was still fascinating to see it on main stream TV. It's gaining popularity - ha! Interestingly, the story line on The Good Doctor involved a woman getting it to help her with an eating disorder. This surgery is used for a lot of things!

Humbling experience of the week: Yoga. I told my instructor that I had been practicing the "L Stand". Then I tried to do it for her and couldn't even get my feet up the wall. We tried new poses and I couldn't get my balance. It was just a humbling class. I felt like I couldn't get anything right. She did cheer me on and said my sun salutations were great, but I was feeling defeated and oh so humbled. At the same time, I couldn't get 2 Corinthians 12:9 out of my head, ""But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." His grace is sufficient for me. Just because I can't do something 100% the first time I do it, does not mean I won't ever be able to do it, it just means that I have something to strive for, a goal to achieve and yet at the same time, HIS power is made perfect in MY weakness. I don't like being weak, but I am always closest to God in my weakest moments.

So, yes, while I may get frustrated in day-to-day mishaps, I am most certainly blessed beyond measure because I know that in all things, God's Got This!

Tune-in-Tuesday: November 6, 2018

This past week I've had some good walking moments and some not-so good ones. I turned the electricity in my DBS device down on October 28 and gave it a week. There were some really good moments, but to be honest I was still having a lot of problems walking and I was getting frustrated.

When I "experiment" with the electricity, there are a few things that can occur. I'm going to try and explain one of them - the symptom/side effect I despise the most. Unless you have similar circumstances, you may not be able to imagine this, but I'll try to explain it. In simple terms my leg jerks. Sometimes it's my leg, other times it's my foot. It can also be my knee and still other times it's more my thigh muscles. But, when it jerks, I have no control and that's what causes a lot of falls or feeling "off-balance" or causes me to walk stiff-legged. I walk stiff-legged because I feel like if I bend my knee it'll spasm or my foot will spasm and I'll lose my balance. I can not stand the jerking. I lose all confidence in my ability to stay vertical. This is what happened this past week. I gave it a week to work itself out. ;) There were days at work that were fantastic. I walked with more confidence and a greater ability to keep myself upright. However, the times that were difficult outweighed the times that were good, so this past Sunday, November 4, I decided to go back up on the electricity. I had only gone down one notch the week before, but it's one notch too low, I think. ;) So I went back up to 2.90 volts.

And everything was perfect after that....

Or maybe not. God's the author of this story (my life) and He doesn't always see things like I see things (to say the least!). When I want things to work one way, He see things working another. When I think a situation is going to turn out one way, God sees it turning out another way. But it's all good!!

God has a sense of humor. Really, He does. I turned the electricity up before going to church on Sunday. I still felt really off-balanced, but prayed that it would all work out and that I wouldn't fall. I walked into church without help (That's not true, God is ALWAYS my help, but I meant no help from other people.). I was slow - very slow and awkward - very awkward, but God let the situation work itself out just like He deemed it. There were people around that I could have asked help from, but had I had help I wouldn't have learned what He wanted me to learn, so I'm grateful for the experience. Had I had help, my confidence would have lacked because I wouldn't have been "forced" to do it "on my own". (Again, even if I may look "on my own", I'm not, because God is with me each step of the way). I wouldn't have known that I could walk (albeit very, very slow) and not fallen that day. Had I had help, I would not have been humbled as I was. A good dose of humility is good. While it's humiliating at the time (hence the word!), it turns my eyes back to Jesus. To see people walk in with no issue at all, and to realize that I still have issues even after deep brain stimulation surgery - that's humbling to me. I'm sure you have your humbling scenarios as well. But with humility comes confidence, for my confidence comes from the Lord and to be humbled in His sight - well I don't think there's anything better.

Here it is Tuesday and I'm still having issues and not walking as I would like. But I have hope. It's not all bad. I love that when I'm feeling weak in one area of my life, God allows me to find strength in another. While walking hasn't been the best, I'm enjoying and finding physical strength in yoga. From planks to push-ups, I feel stronger. Where once, I could only barely even do one push-up, I can do lots more now. I can see growth and growth is always good. I know that I have walked well before and I'll walk well again and in this lull time, I'll keep reminding myself that God's still writing my story and that God's Got This!

Tune-In-Tuesday: October 30, 2018

Whew, what a week! But, God is faithful. It’s been one of those of weeks where I wonder what happened. I mean, I’m going along, living my life and then out of nowhere, my walking goes haywire. Where did that come from? I didn’t do a single thing different from day A to day B, but there I am unable to walk like I have been. I get SO frustrated. I wrack my brain trying to think what I could have done to go from "great" to "barely able", but then I realize that some things just are. Sometimes "you just have to yell, 'Plot Twist!' and move on."

I did check all the medical things to make sure they were working and they are. My DBS system didn't turn itself off. The battery didn't die. Everything was and is working perfectly, except my walking. ;)

A friend shared this on Facebook and it made me laugh:

By Sunday night, I had had enough. I started to think my brain had become complacent and that maybe it needed a little kick start. I decided to adjust the electricity in my deep brain stimulation device. Surprising even myself, I didn't go up on the electricity. I actually went down. There were some signs to me that made me think that I had too much electricity, so I did what I didn't think I was going to do and I turned it down. Only .10 volts, but still down. I did it at the end of the day in hopes that my body would adjust to it while I slept. I went from Group A at 2.90 volts to Group A at 2.80.

I'm not going to lie, yesterday was rough. I could not get my balance and felt that with every step, I was going to fall. But, I didn't. It took every ounce of will-power within me to NOT adjust it again. I can't tell you why I didn't adjust it, except I really did feel deep down inside that I was supposed to leave it. So I did. With every step, I felt like I was going to fall. Every single step felt like that, but guess what? God kept me from falling. I was bound and determined that when I got home I was going to adjust the electricity, but I stopped short. What?! WHY?! Be patient. Be still. Trust that God has a plan. Trust that all of this isn't for nothing.

When I woke this morning, I debated, but in the end decided to wait and watch again. Why?! This is NOT FUN. Why don't I just play with the settings again? Walking was better today - so much better, until tonight when I had more issues. But, I really feel deep in my heart that I'm supposed to wait. That I'm not to act so quickly. I'm waiting. I'm trying to be patient. God's kept me from falling and I've gotten to and from every place I've needed to go. It's embarrassing to not be able to walk correctly, but God's helping me with that too. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, right?! I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but I do. I guess God's teaching me humility and how to be brave and how to surrender it all and TRUST HIM.

I saw this on Facebook somewhere and instantly fell in love with it. Partially, I'll admit, because of #1 which is my motto, but the more I read, the more I fell in love because every part of it is true. It's talking about spiritual battles, but the same can be said for physical battles:

I know that in all things, God is for me and not against me. He's using my weaknesses to make me strong. Above all else, I know, God's Got This!

Tune-In-Tuesday: October 23, 2018

Tonight I was reminded why I pay a little more to have private yoga sessions! Seriously, I must have looked absolutely hysterical trying to do some of the poses. I could not for the life of me get into the pigeon pose that I was trying to do. My instructor had to physically move my legs into the position and then once I was there, I somehow rolled out of the position within 5 seconds of her putting me in it, which meant she had to put me in it again. I must have looked quite silly! I'm thankful she's the only one who saw me. ;)

The weather is changing here in East Tennessee. Summer is no more and Fall and Winter seem to be fighting each other on who's turn it is. I blame the weather on why I've had some difficult walking moments the past week. I didn't fall, but there have been moments that reminded me of earlier days when walking didn't come automatically. I found this quote by Olympic figure skater Scott Hamilton:

Just replace "skater" with "walker". "It's building that muscle of getting up." I don't know about you, but when I fall or even have a hard time doing something, I fear doing it again. I don't really even know that I fear it until I look back on a situation and realize that's what I was doing. Take for example, yesterday and today. Yesterday, for whatever reason (although I'll blame it on the weather and the fact that I had been sitting for way too long), I had the most difficult time walking to my car at the end of the work day. I felt like I didn't have balance. I didn't feel confident that my legs and feet would support me. I just felt like I was going to fall the entire time. I didn't fall, I just felt like I was going to. I finally made it to my car. Fast forward to today and the fear that what happened yesterday was going to happen to me today, made me anxious about walking out to my car. I'm happy to report today, although not the best, was MUCH better than yesterday. Fear can hold me back a lot though. I don't want to fear. I fight fear, but every so often (more than I want it to), it takes over.

I found this quote and it was just another reminder that as tightly as I hold on to fear (for what, I have NO idea!), I need to hold on to Jesus more!

God reminds me day in and day out, that He's in control and I need not worry.

Comedian, Erma Bombeck had this to say about worry:

The past week wasn't all worrying about falling or having walking problems, that's for sure. I did have great days and fun times. Sunday, I found it funny that every person I passed on my way into church asked if they could help me. It was because I was carrying 1,000 pounds of candy in for our church's Trunk or Treat on Halloween. I had three bags and they were loaded with candy. Interestingly enough, those bags were keeping me balanced and upright, so while I appreciated the sentiment, I politely declined every offer.

I got to play with my nieces, which always brings me joy. I also finished reading the Old Testament and have now begun the New Testament. I've gained the greatest joy by reading the Bible. Don't get me wrong, it's a discipline. I don't always want to do it, but once I have, it's the biggest blessing and greatest joy. Just like exercise though, I have to discipline myself to do it. It's not always easy and I don't understand everything, but it's been extraordinary nonetheless.

I hope your week has been blessed and that the upcoming week is equally blessed. Always remember, God's Got This!

Tune-In-Tuesday: October 16, 2018

Thanks for stopping by and reading! I just got home from yoga, where my instructor gave me a workout! It's what I wanted and it was excellent!

I've been struggling a little to come up with a "theme" for tonight's post. Not that I really have a theme with any of my posts, but this past week has been pretty status quo. Status quo is good, but it makes writing a blog post a little harder - ha! I didn't fall, so that's a good thing. I'm just over here trying to live my best life. ;)

It's been a great week for finding inspirational quotes and sayings on Facebook, so I thought I'd share of a few of my favorites:

Is that not the truth?! God's given each of us a unique story, so why not embrace it and love it and let Him work through it? Be brave. Love the life God's given you and share Jesus with others!

This reminds me to keep praying. Even when I think I'm getting mixed signals or I get worried about something, or want something "right now", I need to take a step back and know that God's in control. When I can't see clearly, God's still leading the way!

We're all broken in some way, but sometimes through brokenness come the most beautiful blessings. Some of the experiences I've had because of my dystonia would have never taken place if I hadn't been in my "worst days". You find your truest friends when you're at your worst and they love you anyway.

God's in the details. Although at times situations in our lives feel like they are random, they are not. God loves weaving together our lives in such a way that everything we experience helps create who we are in Him.

If you've known me for two seconds, you know that patience is not my virtue!! But, God seems to be teaching me patience every chance He gets! ;) I can either learn the hard way (by resisting it) or the easy way (by accepting it), but either way, God's time is perfect. He won't be rushed, nor will He ever be late.

I'll end with this one:

That one hit me in the gut! I'm not even close to being ministry material. I constantly fail to be Christ-like and kind. This is why I'm thankful for God's grace. I want my life to reflect Christ. I'm thankful that when I fail at this, His grace is what picks me up, dusts me off and sets me back on solid ground. I'm not perfect, but God's grace is sufficient!

Always remember: God's Got This!

Tune-In-Tuesday: October 9, 2018

Oh, how I love the above picture and quote! I don't consider myself a brave person necessarily, but sometimes, you just have to fake it, till you make it, right?!!

Another week has come and gone. Sometimes they go way too quickly and other times not as quickly as I would want them to, but I never want to wish my life away. The older I get, the more I see God’s handiwork in every facet of my life and how He weaves every event, every situation together for His good.

I saw this on Facebook and it made me laugh. I hope it brings a smile to your face too:

For the most part, this past week has been a good one. It’s October 9th and it still feels like summer outside and this makes me very, very happy! I’m soaking up every minute of the warm temperatures because I know that the cold will be here soon enough. Probably most of you reading this can’t wait for cooler temps and autumn like weather, but not me. I'm a warm weather girl, so I'm savoring it while I can!

On Saturday, my church had a conference on how to better serve those in our community and beyond. I had several people comment on how well I was walking. I found it a little baffling though because I myself wasn’t feeling as sturdy on my feet as I have felt in the past, but I was walking and I’m always grateful for that.

Sunday morning, I fell. Not at church, as (if you’ve read previous posts) you would probably think. No, I fell before getting to church while in my own yard. I’ll admit, I was feeling a little cocky. Yeah, afterwards, Proverbs 16:18 was rolling around in my head, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” I walked in the grass because grass (and sand and even stone) give me more traction. The only problem was, the grass was wet with dew and I just lost my footing. I had the entire yard to fall in, but I “wait” (ha!) until I get to the curb and then I lose my balance and fall. Of course, I hit the pavement instead of a soft landing on grass and of course, I spilt my knee open. But, it is what it is. I got up, brushed myself off, and carried on. It did rattle me a little bit though; I’m not going to lie. I’m just thankful I didn’t hurt myself (other than the cut on my knee). That’ll teach me to be cocky, thinking I’ve got this walking thing down – haha!

I saw my nutritionist yesterday and she said that she thought I looked fit. I’ll be honest with you, I thought that I had gained a ton of weight because I was just feeling fat. I know, “fat is not a feeling” – that’s what the professionals tell me, but I’ve just been feeling “blah” lately. It was a very pleasant surprise for her to tell me I looked fit and it may have boosted my spirits a little too!

I had yoga tonight and while I wanted hard yoga, I got yin yoga. 😉 It’s all good though because after doing it, it’s what I needed, and my instructor knew that. She promised me hard next week. I’ve got “homework” to do. My instructor really should write a book. She draws me these stick figures and writes out the poses she wants me to practice. I love it! She’s been trying to get me to do yin yoga on my “off” days (days when I don’t work-out or do hard yoga) and I haven’t been able to get into a routine yet, so she created a routine for me. Now that I’m putting it in the blog, I must follow through with it!

In my Bible reading this past week, I’ve found so many gems, that I thought I’d just post a few of them here. I love when Bible verses just jump out at me. Here are a few that I highlighted. They are in no particular order:

Thanks for reading and always remember, "God's Got This!"

Tune-In-Tuesday: October 2, 2018

As I was reading my Bible this past week, this verse jumped out at me:

The idea of being refined by God is so awesomely frighting and yet at the same time so awesomely wonderful. My "affliction" is nothing compared to what some people deal with, but it is an affliction nonetheless and God says He's refining me through it. How cool is that? While I don't necessarily always want to be refined and especially not using an affliction to do it with, I find it amazing that God takes interest in little old me. ;) Have you ever thought of it like that? God is taking a special interest in you by allowing you to have an affliction? To be honest, I don't regularly think that at all! In fact, I consistently pray for Him to take any and all affliction away from me. But, God, in His wisdom, doesn't always give me what I want, rather He gives me what I need. I'm not saying that I need an affliction and I'm not saying that God says I need an affliction, but what I'm saying is that God is God and I am not. He uses everything that goes on in my life for His good, even when the stuff in my life isn't good! I'm thankful He knows me better than I even know myself and I am thankful for the ways in which He refines me.

This past week was full of ups and downs, but nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't have the best (nor the worst!) walking day yesterday, however today, I've walked much better. I didn't slip, trip or fall this week. I had yoga tonight and it turned into a therapy session - haha! It was very, very good! On my drive home, the heavens declared their glory. What a spectacular sunset I was treated to!

As always, I'm so very, very thankful that God's Got This!