I turned the electricity in my deep brain stimulation device down last week on Tuesday and promptly fell walking into work on Thursday. Sheesh. A guy came up behind me and asked if I was OK and if I needed help. This time, I surprised myself and said yes (to both!). He literally pulled me up off the ground and got me standing again. While I get super embarrassed when I fall and usually don't want any help, this time I was so very thankful for his help. I have no idea what the purpose in me falling is, but I choose to believe it’s in God’s plan for me. So, I (or in this case a co-worker 😉) pick myself up, wipe the blood from my knee and stand firm in the knowledge that God loves me more than anyone or anything and there is a greater purpose for my pain.
As I made it to my desk after falling, God let me in on a little secret: He gave me my specific body as is because He knew (with His help) that I could handle it. He knew that I could take care of it, that I could deal with the issues that it causes and He knew that I was the perfect person to handle every aspect of it. Have you ever thought like that before? It completely opened my eyes. I was no longer ashamed of it. God made me. My body is His gift to me. So I should treasure it, take care of it and know that with His help, I can handle whatever happens to it, BECAUSE HE SAID I CAN. (I hope this makes sense and doesn't just sound weird -ha! It truly was an eye-opening experience for me. I love when God lets us in on stuff like this! It changed my entire perspective.)
Interestingly enough, on Wednesday, I felt like my walking was improving. However, I did had a massive headache. It wasn't from the deep brain stimulation! I don’t normally get headaches (which I’m very thankful for), but this one at points made me feel nauseous. I thought back to the night of my deep brain stimulation surgery. Hands down, that was probably the most pain I’ve ever been in. While thinking of that, it made me appreciate that my headache was NOTHING like that pain – haha. It was just a normal headache that everyone gets occasionally and to which I stubbornly didn’t take any medicine for, so really, I can’t complain about it. 😉 At Wednesday night church Mom noticed my knee. It was all bruised (but not bloodied – because this was BEFORE my fall on Thursday). It was bruised from my fall the week before. I guess that I’ve gotten so used to what it looks like that I don’t even give it a second thought. The good news about falling this time around was that the nerve pain I mentioned in last week’s post, is completely gone. Maybe it’s just that the pain from skinning my knee is worse?! Whatever the case, the nerve pain isn’t there anymore.
On Saturday, I walked OK. I think that was partially due to wearing tennis shoes and only going places where I could errands while holding onto a shopping cart when needed. But I made it to a couple of yard sales too, so I wasn't holding on to carts all day.
Sunday, I had help in to church. I was carrying a ton of stuff. I thought I could carry it all in one box, but it turned out the box was too heavy, so I divvied it up into bags. I was bringing in peanut butter for “Peanut Butter Sunday” and candy for “Trunk or Treat”. I specifically prayed that there would be someone to help me and without a shadow of doubt, I knew there would be. I didn’t know who, but I knew God would provide and He did! Susan – thank you SO, SO much for your help. You were an answer to prayer.
Certainly, since turning down the electricity in my deep brain stimulation device, I’ve noticed differences. It’s very, very hard to explain, unless you’ve been through it, so (at least in this post), I’m not going to try and explain it, except to say that I didn’t feel like I had control over some of my muscles, so this morning I made the decision to return to the setting I was on before I turned the electricity down last week. So, I’m back to being on Frequency A at 3.60 volts. It’s the lesser of two evils (so to speak). While neither is “perfect”, I know I’ve had positive results on this level and maybe being on the other level for a week, “reset” the system? Probably not, but I’m grasping at straws here. So, I’ll try this level again.
Oh sure, I’m frustrated, but in the end, I know I was built for this. I know that God is in control. I know He has a bigger purpose for me than I can even imagine and most importantly, I know that GOD’S GOT THIS!
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