Last week was good. I’m remaining at the same amount of electricity: 2.90 volts on Frequency B. It’s not perfect, but I’m going to leave it there, at least for today – haha! I have less than a month until I see Dr. Tolleson (my neurologist). Sometimes I drive myself crazy wondering if I’m doing things “right”. Am I giving myself too much electricity? Am I not giving myself enough electricity? Am I on the right frequency? It’s enough to seriously drive me crazy. It’s a very gray area, this electricity stuff! I’m a black and white person – gray drives me crazy. But at the same time, maybe God’s using this to teach me many (many, many!) lessons. Lessons in perseverance, patience, calmness, listening for His still, small voice, not being so OCD, not being so uptight and rigid, being more kind to others, deepening my faith in Him. The list could go on and on. I am learning so much about myself. God’s allowing me to see things I’d never get to see if I didn’t have this problem with walking. I want healing immediately, but God’s using the “in between” time to teach me so much.
Unfortunately, I did fall last week – twice in fact. Both happened at home and both led me to the realization that the more stressed/anxious/worried I get, the more likely I will fall. One fall happened Sunday night. I was at the kitchen sink and I turned to walk away and my foot just gave way. The next fall happened the very next morning, Monday (yesterday), when I was walking from the bathroom to my bedroom. Both times, I was hurrying. I had several things on my mind and I wanted to “go fast”. It took the second fall to get me to slow down and figure out why I had fallen. My conclusion was that I was worried about some things and I was in a hurry and my worry led to a physical reaction. Ever since this discovery (haha, all 24 hours of it!), I’ve been mindful of walking. When I feel myself getting anxious, I take a deep breath and try to calm down. It’s worked a few times. Sometimes, I literally stop walking, regroup and when I feel relaxed, then I walk.
When I think about my difficulties with walking, sometimes I just laugh. I laugh, because walking should come as one of the easiest things someone does in life. Right? As a toddler, you learn how to walk and then it’s something you never forget. But, then again, that’s not the case for everyone. I’m reminded of the verse in the Bible, “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” Job 1:21 (NIV) Having this issue with walking has made me all that more aware that anything I have, whether it be walking, sight, hearing or anything, can be taken away at a moment’s notice. Praise Jesus for everything you have. EVERYTHING. Have you ever stopped to thank Him for the ability to breath on your own? For the ability to blink an eye? When I think of everything the Lord has given me the ability to do, my walking woes don’t seem big at all. It’s all about perspective. I have been incredibly blessed in my life. Absolutely, incredibly, blessed. I continue to be in awe of God’s power and majesty. How He can bless a soul like me, blows my mind. Though my body may not work in the exact way I want it to, I will praise the name of Jesus even still because without a shadow of a doubt, I know I’m blessed and I know God’s Got This!!!!
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