Shouting From The Rooftop - December 13

Last week, I switched to Frequency C and was admittedly a little scared to do so – fearing that I might “lose” what I had already gained. But, God showed up in a BIG way. I am so thankful He gave me the faith to just trust Him.

I could still see signs this past week that I probably needed to go a little higher on the electricity, but for the first time I actually felt my foot COMPLETELY relax when I took a step. I couldn't believe it. I was actually (no pun intended!) stunned by it. It was an amazing feeling. It didn’t last too long (which is why I knew I still had to go up on the electricity), but for the moments it did, it was nothing short of a miracle. My hand even calmed down too.

Wednesday night was the second Wednesday of Advent. How appropriate for me that it was all about peace.

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Thursday night, I went and saw “A Christmas Carol” at the Clarence Brown Theatre with my mom, dad and my grandmother. It was a fantastic production. We had second row seats! Another reason it was so wonderful was that I didn’t have to deal with a walker. ;)

I took Friday off of work and didn’t really do much. I caught a cold, so I just hung out at the house. Friday night my mom and I went and saw a production of “Junie B. in Jingle Bells, Batman Smells” put on by a local Christian theater group called the Word Players. It was good and again we had second row seats!

Mom gave me her and my dad’s Christmas letter. There’s one line in there that gets me every time I read it: “We rejoice that Stephanie no longer uses a walker due to her successful deep brain stimulation at Vanderbilt!” I want to read that line over and over and over again!

Saturday, I walked into Kroger without a walker OR a cart – just my cane. I have never done that before. It wasn’t even planned. I just did it. I know this is not monumental to probably any of you reading this, but it was to me. People saw me walking in. I walked in front of people. I walked with just a cane. Ahhh!!!!! I have never, ever been this excited to go grocery shopping. The place was PACKED and several people commented on that very fact. You would have thought that it was Christmas Eve. All I could think about was shouting to people, “Did you see me? Did you see me walk in here with nothing but a cane?!!” But I kept my composure and didn’t embarrass myself. I did walk out with a cart because I had a lot of groceries. Hands down, December 10 was a monumental day. I even marked it on my calendar as such– haha.

Sunday was the 3rd Sunday in Advent – Joy! And yet again, very appropriate for what I’m going through. One thing that really, really resonated with me is a line my dad said in his sermon: “You can be unhappy and still be joyous.” How very, very true! You don’t have to necessarily be happy to still have joy in your heart. I feel that that is 100 percent me. I am definitely not always happy, but yet deep down in my heart, I am still joyous. I’m joyous because I know God’s got me in the palm of His hand. He loves me with an unending love.

After church on Sunday, my mom and I decided to take Genevieve up to the Townsend Christmas parade for a little while. She had a blast and kept telling everyone, “Merry Christmas” and then they would give her candy. She had more fun picking up all the candy than anything else. We were walking back to our car at the end and there were horses from the parade getting loaded back into their trailers. Genevieve wanted to touch them, so we asked their owners and they said it was OK. She loved that! All in all – Sunday was a fabulous day!

I took the day off from work on Monday and finally felt like doing the things I initially wanted to do on Friday. And more epic moments came my way. For the first time by myself I walked into and out of Walmart and Hobby Lobby walker/shopping cart free. NO WALKER. NO SHOPPING CART. I walked with a cane. I didn’t fall. I didn’t even stumble. You can’t even possibly begin to understand how monumental this is for me. I had in the past walked in and out of stores just using a cane but my mom or someone else was always there in case I needed them. But this time, I was all by myself. Ya’ll for 11 years I’ve been dealing with walking issues. Monday, God gave me another gift in this journey. Don’t ever, ever, ever take anything you have for granted. If you can walk or run anywhere your heart desires – thank the Lord for it.

At the very, very beginning of this journey something happened that left an indelible mark on my life. I remember, like it was yesterday, leaving my aunt and uncle’s house in GA on my way to Duke University for a consult with a neurologist there. Mom and I had stopped in GA to celebrate the baptism of my cousin, Dan’s first child – Jackson. As we headed on our way to Duke, I remember distinctly looking out the window of the car and saying to myself, “As long as I can walk, I’ll be OK.” I don’t know what possessed me to think that or even say that to myself. And all these years later, I now know that I’ll be OK even if I CAN’T walk. Oh, grant it, there are people much worse off than me who literally can’t walk. I CAN walk and always have been able to with assistance. But, I’m just reminded of how arrogant I was back then: “God, just let me be able to walk. If I can walk, I’ll be OK.” Umm….I’m sure God was sitting on His throne thinking, “My child, you have a LONG way to go.” I truly believe that God did not cause my walking issues, but He did allow them. And all these many years later, I’m just starting to see glimpses of why. I’m learning – ever so slowly – that my life is not my own. It’s God’s.

Back to yesterday. After running errands, I went over to my parent’s house for just a little bit to see Genevieve again. She completely melted my heart. Twice she told me that she liked my hair as she ran her fingers through it. I love that little girl SO MUCH!!

Do you ever tend to stop praying specifically about what you want? I mean, you still pray about it, but in general terms? I must admit, I do. I pray, “Please God, may I walk again.” But sometimes, I’m reminded that I must pray specifically for what I want: “Please God, may I be able to walk cane and walker free. May I be able to walk on my own without any assistance.” I’ve been convicted in my heart to start those specific prayers back up. I need to tell God exactly what I want. It doesn’t mean He’ll grant me everything I want, but at least I will have asked. ;)

Today, I again took another vacation day from work and again something else amazing happened. I prayed specifically that I would walk cane and walker free and that I would not need any assistance. I decided to go up by .10 in the electricity in my deep brain stimulation device. I’m now at 2.90 volts on Frequency C.

I had to make a quick trip to Walgreens to pick up some pictures. When I got there, I walked in using my cane. Once I got inside though, I spotted a coupon book. I grabbed it and started looking through it and the next thing I knew, I was walking by myself. I had “hooked” the cane over my arm when I grabbed the coupon book and literally, the next thing I knew I was walking WITHOUT a walker, shopping cart or cane. Now, grant it, I do this at home or at my parent’s house where there is carpet, but I have never done it in a store. MONUMENTAL. God gave me “just enough” distraction with the coupon book to walk without thinking and without assistance.

God reminded me once again that He is all powerful. He is good. He hears my prayers and He answers them. He’s given me faith to keep going. I must humble myself before Him. I must not be arrogant. Even if I fall a million times tomorrow or the day after, He is still with me. I know the devil will try to attack, but my God is bigger. My God will win the war EVERY TIME. God’s God This!!!!!