It's February!!!

It’s February and the best way I can describe how I’m feeling is, I’m excited!

The shortest month of the year, may turn out to be one of the busiest months of the year for me. I’m extremely excited to be given this opportunity of deep brain stimulation and to have hope again that I may (10 years after it began) be able to walk cane and walker free.

I have to share a cute story from a couple of weeks ago. It was just my mom and me and my niece Genevieve sitting in the family room at my Mom and Dad’s house. Genevieve, who will be 19 months old tomorrow, was sitting on my lap and I was talking to her like she understood everything I was telling her. I asked her, “Genevieve are you going to know who I am even without my hair? Will it scare you?” To which she instantly reached up and grabbed my hair. She started playing with it, twirling it, and then putting it on her own head. It was like she really did understand what was going to happen!! It was the sweetest moment and I’ll never forget it. Oh, how I love that girl!!

I’ve come to terms with losing my hair and I'm OK with it. I know it will grow back and I had a blast going wig shopping with Mom. I’ve got a wig (which will make its debut a few days before February 16) and hats. It’ll be much quicker to get ready in the morning – that’s for sure! I’ve been relishing every bad hair day :) I really feel terrible for even having reservations about having to shave all my hair off because I know so many people have no choice but to lose their hair due to chemotherapy and other medical conditions and they’re truly fighting for their lives. So, please forgive me if I came or come across as being vain or stuck-up or not caring about anything else. I can’t imagine what cancer patients go through, nor do I ever want to be in their place. They are the brave ones.

Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure I was born a worrier (if that’s even possible). I know God’s in control and He’s got this, and yet, I still worry. I also know that worry is Satan’s tactic to get in and try to sway me to his side, but, it’s not going to work!! I WILL trust in the Lord. My life verse is Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything through prayer and petition present your requests to God.” So, while I’ll still probably twirl my hair between my fingers until it falls out, I’m OK with that because it’s going to be cut off anyway! In any and every way, I’m trying to find humor through all of this because if I don’t laugh, I’ll cry (or worry more!). God has blessed me with funny situations all around, keeping me laughing throughout. He knows what I need to make it through each day. But while I try to find humor in every situation, worry still creeps in. So, I’ve decided to list some specific prayer requests below that I’m worrying about. I figure if others pray about these requests too, the worry will fall away. While some are big requests, some also may seem silly, but to God they are one and the same. These are just a few – I’m sure as soon as I post this, I’ll have come up with 10 more :) but here’s what I’ve got so far:

1. That there will not be any bad weather (snow, ice, blizzards, tornadoes…) on February 5, 16, 23 (and coming home on the 24th) or 29th as I’ll be traveling to and from Nashville on those days. For those that don’t know, Nashville is a 2 and ½ hour drive from Knoxville.
2. That I wouldn’t get sick before any surgery and that Mom and Dad won’t get sick either.
3. That I won’t get any scrapes, cuts or wounds before the surgery as they could be a source of infection
4. That I’ll be calm and not anxious or worried about anything.
5. That the doctors, surgeons, nurses and other medical professionals will stay healthy, get a good night’s sleep before each surgery, have steady hands and be confident in the surgeries/procedures they will be performing.
6. That I won’t get any infections between surgeries (which is (unfortunately) a possibility, I’ve been told).
7. That God will have His hand in every intricate detail whether big or small.
8. That I’ll be able to pay for my part of everything (insurance is awesome, but paying the deductible all at once is a little daunting! Thank the Lord for an HSA (health savings account) that I’ve been building up by putting the maximum amount allowed into.
9. That I won’t feel self-conscious about anything.
10. That humor will prevail over stressing out or worrying about things.
11. That my blood pressure and other pre-op tests will come back with flying colors. It rattled me the last time I saw the neurosurgeon that my blood pressure was as high as it was because it’s never been like that in the past. I just need to take slow, deep breaths!!
12. That there won’t be any complications (which could include infection, bleeding, stroke, death)
13. That this will work and I will not have to use a walker or cane to walk!!!
14. That God will be glorified in everything.

This coming Friday, February 5 stuff starts to happen. I’ll be traveling to Vanderbilt for pre-op evaluations. I’ll meet with my neurosurgeon’s nurse and she’ll give me specific instructions on preparing for all the procedures/surgeries and follow-up care. Then I’ll have a pre-operative evaluation where I’ll meet with the anesthesiologist to go over what will be happening during all the surgeries, plus I’m sure they’ll run all the pre-operative tests.

I’m excited about what’s to come. I’m nervous too, but excited more. I hope to keep everyone up-to-date through this blog after every step, but it may be delayed depending on how I feel. Thank you so much for following along, but more than that for praying and for loving me with or without a walker, with or without hair. You make my life so much fuller. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Love to you all. February’s here – let’s get this party started!!