I’m one surgery down, 2 more to go. Here’s a recap of everything that’s happened this week.
Sunday – Valentine’s Day. It actually was a pretty good day. I went to church and out to eat after church. Dad gave me a copy of his “All In” sermon from the week before.
(And, yes, Dad, I can read your handwriting!)
Mom gave me Valentine’s Day gifts, including a Valentine’s Day picture of Little G (my niece). Carrie (a woman from church) gave me a buzz cut. I made chocolate chip cookies to bring into work the next day.
Just a normal Valentine’s Day! What, you don’t get buzz cuts on Valentine’s Day?! OK, so maybe it wasn’t a “normal” day, but it’s one I won’t soon forget. Carrie was (and is) awesome. I actually had a lot of fun losing my hair. She cut it so that I could see how it would look at different stages of the growing out process. Yes, this does mean I didn’t donate it to Locks of Love or any other organization. I’ve done that before and it’s been great, but this time around, I just didn’t feel like hassling with it. This way of cutting my hair was much more fun too. When it came time to buzz it all off, Carrie said I have a nicely shaped head. I kind of have to agree. I mean, I didn’t know what to expect, but it’s not all that bad looking! I can’t say enough how blessed I am to have Carrie and her family in my life. She and her husband, John lead worship at church. She’s now a part of my story and I am so incredibly grateful that she is. Here's the aftermath:
Not 30 seconds after Carrie left, my best friend, Julie called. Talk about perfect timing! It was totally a God-thing!! Julie and I have been best friends since college and she and her family live in Ohio. We don’t get to see each other all that much, but I love how we can just pick up where we left off the last time, like no time has gone by. God knew what He was doing when He made us best friends. We “get” each other. Everyone should have a best friend like Julie. I’ll admit though that Sunday didn’t come without tears and frustrations. I fell not once, but twice. I blame it on equilibrium – haha. I had already fallen once back on Thursday night. That, I blame on my proprioception (knowing where you are in time and space – like knowing where your foot’s going to land in regard to the sidewalk) being completely off. I was walking out of work and talking on the phone and I just lost my balance and fell. Sunday, I don’t know what happened, I just couldn’t get my balance. My equilibrium was off probably due to losing all my hair. Or not, but that’s what I'm telling people. :) Here's the damage done:
I had planned on cleaning my house Sunday night, but instead I just sat on the couch, looked at my filthy house and cried. But then, I got a text from a co-worker that pulled me out of my funk (thank you, Sarah!). It was sent at the exact right time – another God-thing!
By the time Downton Abbey came on, my tears were pretty much gone and by the time I went to bed, I was feeling really blessed. I like to think that God used my falls as another reminder of why I’m having deep brain stimulation.
Monday was an emotional roller coaster for me. It was a horrible day, weather wise and that didn’t make me feel any better. It was overcast, rainy, icy and gloomy. We had a two hour delayed opening at work, so I slept those two hours away! But going into work was the best thing for me. My co-workers made my day. Gift after gift, card after card, compliment after compliment, love just kept pouring in. My boss took me and two of my co-workers out to lunch. Going into work the day before surgery kept me occupied, my co-workers made me laugh and I didn’t feel alone. It was the best decision! I was kind of dreading going home because I’d be alone and I thought I’d start over-analyzing things and get scared of what was to come, but God kept that from happening! People were praying. I got home and got a huge burst of energy. I wasn’t off-balance or dizzy and I was in the mood to clean (this rarely happens, so it was definitely a God-thing!!). I dusted and vacuumed and cleaned the bathroom. I did laundry and cleaned the kitchen. I picked up all the clutter and it made me SO HAPPY!!! Cleaning really does make me happy; I just don’t know why I don’t do it more often! ;) I went to bed that night feeling yet again very blessed.
Tuesday morning started early. I thought I might exercise on the bike before leaving for the hospital. The alarm went off at 5am and I immediately knew, exercise was not happening! I did, however wake up WITHOUT an anxious heart!! Praise Jesus. I could feel the prayers of others. I was picking Mom up at her house at 6:30am to make the trip to Nashville. We took my car, but she drove. I know without a shadow of a doubt people were covering me in prayers. One of my biggest concerns was the weather. If it was icy then that would have been detrimental and I probably would have had to reschedule everything, but we only ran into one icy patch and thankfully got through it fine. We hit Nashville traffic though and were a few minutes late. But, as it turned out that was fine. I checked in to radiology and waited. When they came to get me, it felt like we were walking into the deepest, most distant part of the hospital, but in reality we were walking to the very front of the hospital. If you really know me, you know I’m horrible with directions. This is just another example of how horrible I am! Once Mom and I were back in the holding area, I got to get dressed into a lovely bear hugger gown and bright yellow socks. I got an IV.
Mom was quite jealous because they got the IV in me with one stick. Someone from MRI came by and spoke with me. Veronica, Dr. K.’s (the neurosurgeon) nurse practitioner came by. She would be the one inserting the bone markers (I like that phrase better than screws, even though that’s what they are.) into my skull that day. She showed me where they would go and answered questions I had. I guess this in the one time that people can LITERALLY say I'm screwed up in the head! :)
Then Jennifer from anesthesiology came by. She started some other medication and said that the actual anesthesiologist would be by shortly. The anesthesiologist did come shortly after that and he explained everything that was going to happen. He said he was going to use Propofol. I immediately said, “That’s what Michael Jackson died from.” He said, “Yes, but he didn’t have an anesthesiologist with him!” Mom and Dad were both glad I was getting that medication because both said it wouldn’t leave me with a hung over feeling. The anesthesiologist asked if I had any questions. I told him and Jennifer just to make sure and wake me up after it was all over with. They agreed they would. And they kept their promise. :) I was asked like a thousand and one times if there was any possibility that I was pregnant. I answered a thousand and one times that I was not pregnant and there was no possibility that I was. They said that they believed me, but had to wait for the urine test to come back to make absolutely positive. The nurse said that in the past few years she’s had 3 patients be surprised. The urine test came back and in fact I was NOT pregnant. Praise Jesus we got that sorted out! Then Jennifer came back in and said she was giving me a margarita. I asked if she was actually giving me the medicine to put me to sleep and she said no, it was just to take the edge off so I wouldn’t be worried by her gurney steering abilities. The next thing I knew, I was waking up. Mom came in, I got my glasses back and could see again and then we were leaving. I don’t really remember a lot. I know I drank some water and ate some peanut butter Ritz crackers. A nurse took out my IV and cut off my hospital bracelet. Then we left. I told Mom on the way home that I don’t even remember getting out of the holding area before the surgery. After the surgery, it seemed to me like 5 minutes from the time I woke up until the time we left. I don't even remember checking out of the hospital and that was really bothering me! I was scared that we had left without permission. See, this is what drugs do to me! I hate not knowing what's going on. ;) But, at the same time, I am VERY grateful for drugs that put you to sleep during surgery. So I guess I'll take being a little confused when waking up, if it means I feel no pain during surgery.
We got back to Knoxville around 5:30pm. I got my mail and in it was a present from Julie. Again, perfect timing! Not only was it perfect timing, it was the perfect gift. I’ve been looking for the “perfect” cross necklace and haven’t found one I like yet. This one is perfect!
I got in the house and Mom helped me get situated. I ate dinner. I went back to sleep and woke up in time to watch both Chicago Med and Chicago Fire. For a brief second, I wondered if watching Chicago Med was a good thing, considering I have 2 more surgeries to go, but I watched it anyway and wasn’t freaked out by anything. Now had they had any storyline about brain surgery, I may have had to skip. Oh, who am I kidding...I would have watched any way! ;)
In all actuality, this surgery was the easiest one. The easiest one to do and the easiest one to recover from. The next two are a little more complicated.
February 23 is the “big” surgery - the actual deep brain stimulation. I’ll stay the night at Vanderbilt.
February 29 is the surgery to implant the battery and hook up the wires. It’s outpatient.
I am self-conscious about how I look. For the time being, I can’t wear a wig or hats, so I’m laying low and hanging out at the house. My brother, Steven, gets the award for the first in my family to see me bald. Carrie, of course, was the absolute first to see me. Steven lives out of town, so I sent him a picture in a text. His response was priceless:
Mom and Dad have seen me and a few others, but, I’m not so brave as to show everyone. But, I told Mom I had to document in pictures this whole process (whether I actually post the pictures or not, at least I'll have them for posterities sake!). So she took this one of me. No hair, no makeup, no contact lenses:
I’m kind of even nervous posting this, but you’ve come this far with me in the journey, so I feel like you have a right to see. I might get bolder and post an actual bald picture, but for right now this is as close as you get! And, there's nothing wrong with my eye, that's the reflection from the light.
Thank you so very, very much for all the love and all the prayers. I truly feel them. It’s amazing to me to see how many people actually care. I mean, we each have our own lives to live and our own problems to overcome, so when I see you take time out to check in on me, it’s truly humbling to me. I hope I can one day either give back to you or pass along to others the kindness, love, prayers and support that all of you are giving to me. Thank you!
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