Tune-In-Tuesday: June 18

God's been faithful. Patience has paid off. While I still struggle, walking's gotten a lot easier in the past two weeks since I turned the electricity up. Again, it's not perfect, but it's MUCH improved. I still have issues walking in parking lots (wide open spaces in which I can't grab a hold of anything to steady my gait) and I still accept help going up to Communion at church (and other places too). I'm just thankful that things are improving. I have exactly a month from today before I go back to the neurologist, so I'm not sure what I'll do in that month. I may stay on this level. I may go up, I may go down - who knows! For now, I'm OK with remaining at where I'm at.

This past week I celebrated a birthday. One of my birthday presents was tickets to see a play at Cumberland County Playhouse which is a little over an hour away from home. Mom and I had a wonderful time. It was there that I started sensing I could walk better and needed less help. However, walking in was all uphill (and I can do uphill!) which meant walking out was all downhill. I definitely needed help with the downhill. I'm so weird - the "easy" things to most people are the "hard" things to me and yet I can walk super easy uphill and on sand - go figure :) I guess that just makes me stand out, right?!

I almost face-planted in my hallway here at home last night because I tripped over the rug. Thankfully, I did not! Sometimes I think I need to be wrapped in bubble wrap. It's been a good week though. I still pray for a miracle - that I'll be able to walk without issue - but in the meantime, I'm extremely blessed to be walking better than I was. The bad days only make the good days that much sweeter! No matter what, God's Got This!

Tune-In-Tuesday: Faithful

It hit me this morning (while working out, no less) that God is faithful. I mean I know this, but this morning, out of nowhere, it struck me just how faithful He truly is, even when I'm less than faithful to Him. I wasn't doing anything special when I came to this realization. I wasn't even thinking about His faithfulness, but God quietly reassured me that in every situation, He is STILL FAITHFUL. Every prayer I pray, He hears, and He answers. I started recalling recent prayers I had prayed to Him and I was reminded that He answered every single one. Even when the answer's no, He is faithful.

It’s been a week since I turned the electricity up in my deep brain stimulation device and I’m starting to see subtle, small improvements – nothing major or earth shattering, but small things. The other night I woke up to my foot twitching. I thought, “Oh no, maybe it’s too much electricity.” But by the time I woke up to go to work, it had settled itself back down. 😉 I haven’t fallen and at times I am walking better.

For someone like myself who likes black and white answers, this journey can get frustrating at times. At first, playing with the electricity was fun, but it’s been three years now and I just want to settle into a nice routine. However, God must not want this for me (at least at this time)! What works one week may not work the next week. It’s always adventurous. However, I am blessed. Just reflecting for a few minutes this morning on the prayers that God has heard and answered, reminded how truly blessed I am.

At lunch today, I happened to read a blog post by Joni Eareckson Tada (If you don’t know who she is, you must Google her!!). It was a total “God-thing” and has given me a new perspective. Here is a snippet of what she wrote:
“Early on in my ‘career’ as a quadriplegic, I learned a valuable lesson: Work with what you’ve got. This is Joni Eareckson Tada and back then, my occupational therapist taught me how to use the muscles I had left to make up for the ones that did not work. I was able to do wonders with what I had left….God is in the occupational therapy business. He has often taught weak people without vision to use what they had…..You’ll be amazed what God can do with what little you have.” – “His Power Through Weakness” posted on June 11.

Wow. What perspective.

As always and in everything – God’s Got This!

Tune-In-Tuesday: Going Up

Well, I made it the “prescribed” two weeks. I put prescribed in quotes because it’s the suggested period my neurologist has said it may take the electricity to do anything with my walking, but, it’s all a guessing game. I say that with the utmost respect to my neurologist (and all doctors). It’s just that there is so much that we don’t know about the human body, no matter how many years we may study it. Anyway, I made it the “prescribed” two weeks on a lower level of electricity (my choice). I thought that that may be “the answer” to the problems I’ve been having walking for the past two months or so. Ha! I laugh because I know – in my heart of hearts – no electricity is going to make me magically walk with no problems again. The only ONE who can do that – who can perform a miracle – is JESUS. Yes, He can use this electricity, but in the end (and in the beginning) – it’s HIM and HIM ONLY. Probably the only thing I like about not being able to walk properly is that it keeps me in constant contact with God. I’m ALWAYS praying. 😉

I decided to up the electricity. I went from 3.20 volts to 3.40. I changed it last night as to give myself sleep hours to get the electricity going. I woke up this morning and did feel like my foot was a little more grounded, but then again, I’m probably willing it to be that way, after all, it takes at least two weeks to see any difference – so I’ll wait. It’s all about waiting. God’s teaching me patience one minute at a time.

I spent almost my entire lunch hour today trying to fish one of the meds I take for the dystonia out of a crevice it had fallen in in a cabinet at work. Seriously, why can’t anything ever be EASY for me?! At least it wasn’t a contact lens. I don’t know how many times in the past 14 years that I’ve been at my job that I have lost a contact lens and had myself and co-workers on hands and knees searching for it. This time it was medication and I don’t even know how it fell into the crevice in the first place, but it took a chopstick (yes, a chopstick!), scissors, a pen, 45 minutes and my own fingers to finally pry it out. Laugh all you want, but medicine is expensive, and I wasn’t about to give up on getting it out. Persistence (and lots of prayer) pays off!

For perspective: the drawer is above with my medicine stuck in the upper right corner.

The above is the blown up version of the top picture and I've circled where the medicine fell.

And on that note, I’ll close this post. Always remember in everything to give prayer and praise to God above and never forget: GOD’S GOT THIS!

Tune-In-Tuesday: Still Waiting

This will be another short post! Wow, what's happening to me?! Haha.

One week down, one to go. As the title suggests, I'm still waiting to see if going down in the amount of electricity I've given myself will help with walking. On one hand, I've had no falls, so that'a a huge win and a huge relief. On the other hand, walking is very labor intensive. I feel like I use every brain cell to get from one destination to the next. Walking is definitely something I took for granted, until I couldn't do it like I used to. BUT, it could be much worse, so I'm thankful. AND - I have options! :) So, if things haven't gotten better by next Tuesday, I think that I'll go up to 3.40 volts (I'm at 3.20 volts now.).

I almost felt like throwing in the towel (not waiting) on Friday and going up on the electricity, but it was my yoga instructor who encouraged me to have patience. This was right before she put me through a routine that kicked my butt! It was a very, very good class. :)

I haven't really felt any different yet, but I'll give it one more week as my neurologist has said it can take up to two weeks to see any difference in walking. For every day I don't fall, I thank the Lord. For every day, I might fall, but don't hurt myself, I thank the Lord. I am blessed BEYOND measure, whether or not I can walk properly. This process is keeping me humble, that's for sure. I'm learning lessons and I believe that God can and does work every situation we go through in life out for HIS good. I know without a shadow of a doubt - GOD'S GOT THIS!

Tune-In-Tuesday: May 21, 2019

This will be a quick, short post. After two weeks on a higher level of electricity, I decided that I should actually go (back) down to 3.20 volts on Frequency A. I didn't have any success on the higher level. Before I went down, I thought for a quick second about going higher, but in the end decided against that. We'll see what happens. ;) I may decide to go higher or experiment with different levels, but honestly I just want to "set it and forget it." However, this coming (long) weekend would be a good time to "play" and see if I can get on a level that works for me. Ahh...I don't know what God's trying to teach me in this season, but I can guess and my guess would be that it may be patience, perseverance and/or trust. I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of in a bad mood because I was doing so well for awhile and now I'm not. But, just because I'm in a bad mood, it doesn't mean that I've stopped trusting that God hears my prayers and acts on them. I can only imagine the bad things He's kept me from experiencing because of the stuff I KNOW He's kept me from experiencing. I marvel at prayers He's answered and how He's sheltered me. He is a good, good God and yet - I complain! How dare I because I know that many, many, many people are experiencing things way more frustrating, scary, and down right life-altering than me. But, I'm writing this to show that I do get frustrated in the journey. I am human, after all. ;) But, frustration is just a feeling and it will pass! (It's even started to pass as I write this post!). I know God is good because after all, in all things...GOD'S GOT THIS!!

Tune-In-Tuesday: Patience

It’s been a week since I turned up the electricity in my deep brain stimulation device and to tell you the truth, I haven’t felt any different. I didn’t fall (yay!!), but I haven’t seen any improvement to speak of either. Patience. God’s still trying to drill that into my head (and yes, I do get the irony of that statement!).

I’ve had some people comment that it looks like I’m limping. I don’t mind this at all, because the people who have commented don't know my backstory. After I told one of them, they completely turned their statement around to say, “then you are making major progress!!”. Haha. Well, you’d think, three years out that I would have made more progress, but then again – patience.

I trust that God knows what He is doing in my life. So, the fact that I’m still struggling must mean that He’s either still teaching me something or He’s going to use it for good or quite possibly, both! I’ve got to trust Him and His time-frame. For He has always been faithful to keep me in the palm of His hand.

I’ve come to the realization that even though I’ve said in the past that it doesn’t hurt me physically turning the electricity up or down, it does, somewhat. I’ve tested my theory. 😉 It doesn’t hurt in the way I thought it would though. I thought maybe I’d feel a shock or something, but it’s a dull ache or a pulling in my left shoulder/chest area. It does go away a day or two after I adjust it, but it’s there.

I’ll decide in another week if I should go up further with the electricity, stay where I’m at or go down. I must say a “thank you” to all of you who have helped me with lending an arm to lean on or encouragement or other acts of kindness. I may not mention every name in this blog but do know that I am eternally grateful and that YOU are an answer to prayer. Even if I’m embarrassed or want to “do it on my own”, I do appreciate your willingness to help. I’m probably making this way harder on myself by not giving in and using a cane but thank you for humoring me and offering help when you think I need it.

Oh – I almost forgot – I got a haircut. Yes, that must be documented – haha. I got three inches cut off and now I’m ready for summer!!

God is always good. God is always faithful. GOD’S GOT THIS!!!

Tune-In-Tuesday: Humbleness, Hair and Everything In Between

Being humbled is hard. It's never fun and can be painful at times. However, there is much to learn from it. The past week was mixed with lessons in humility and yet being able to see God’s great mercies at the same time.

My new position at work is wonderful. I absolutely love it, but it’s also humbling. I’m doing something completely new to me and where I once “knew it all” (Ahh, that sounds haughty and pretentious and not humble at all!), that’s not the case in this new position. I am SO OPEN to learning new things, but there are times I mess up and don’t know what I’m doing, and I must humble myself, admit that I don’t know what I’m doing, ask for help and receive instruction. It’s a good lesson to learn. I must open myself up for critique and constructive criticism. The same can be said for my walking. I may think from time to time that I’m doing well, or I don’t need help, but then with the snap of a finger, things change. I must open myself up, humble myself and ask for help when I need it. In both scenarios though, God has taught me humbleness, but He’s also shown mercy. In the job scenario, it’s having super understanding co-workers who jump right in when I have questions. I also got to see, for the first time, one of the videos I created in all its glory in the edit bay. The editor was there with me and once he added all the music and transitions, it turned out beautifully. Thank you, God for this tiny, but mighty gesture to let me know everything is going to be OK. In the walking scenario, God shows His mercies time and time again. This past week it was shown through my friend Whitney who was there if need be to help me up to, through and back from communion at church. I (definitely) get by with a little help from my friends. Haha! Also, God brought to my mind what I told my neurologist at the very, very, very beginning of the process towards being approved for deep brain stimulation. I remember distinctly him asking me what I wanted to get out of this surgery. My response to him was, “I want to be able to walk with a cane.” Funny, how now I fiercely refuse to use a cane at all. He gave me a little (by allowing me not to have to use a walker – praise Jesus!) and now I want more. But – it’s humbling and empowering at the same time to say that I don’t walk with either a walker OR a cane, when all I wanted three years ago was to be able to walk with a cane. Sometimes looking back is a good thing because you can see how far you’ve come. That’s not to say, watching me walk without a walker or a cane, you may want me to walk with one of them, but I don’t care if I’m slow, or rigid or have issues, I’m walking. Now, watch, next week, I’ll write that I decided to start using a cane again because things like that always happen to me, but God-willing, that won’t be the case. 😉 I am thankful. So very, very thankful!

I guess maybe the most important thing to talk about in this post (I know, after you’ve already read a book from me above!) is that I (finally!) turned up the electricity in my deep brain stimulation device. I woke up yesterday morning and just felt like I should. Nothing happened to make me make that decision. In fact, for the first time in a LONG time, I had a fall-free week. Yay!! And yet, crazy that now’s when I want to turn the electricity up. I know. Why change it now? To tell you the truth, I have NO IDEA. I just woke up feeling a nudge to do it. It really takes all of two seconds to do it. So, I did it. Only from 3.20 volts to 3.30, so nothing drastic or earth shattering, but we’ll see if that does anything. I usually wait until bedtime to mess with the electricity, so that I can be doing “nothing” and give it a little time to work, but this time I switched it first thing in the morning. It doesn’t matter when you do it, I just found that bedtime seems like a better time for me. The results usually take about 2 weeks to work anyway. And you know how patient I am. 😉 Sometimes, I’m able to feel something right away, but sometimes I don’t. This time, I didn’t feel anything. I’m still waiting on results. Once I turned it up, I realized that I do have an appointment with Dr. T. (my neurologist) scheduled for the middle of July, so if I want to play around with the settings and how much electricity I’m giving myself, now’s the perfect time to do it, so that I can report back to him.

I realized at the beach a couple of weeks ago, that I am an EXTREMELY SLOW walker now. I mean, I knew this, but it was brought to light more vividly. On sand, I was fine, but on the boardwalk to the beach my dad would help me. Sometimes, he was walking too fast for me. I would say, “I’m sorry” and he would say, “Don’t say you’re sorry. You’re fine. Just tell me to knock it down a gear.” So that’s what I did. He’d say, “Ok, now we’re in second gear. Now we’re in first gear.” Haha. At least he made me laugh. One night, he said that earlier in the day as he was making his way back to our condo a guy on the boardwalk told him he should be careful, that there was a snake on the boardwalk earlier. My dad tells me this as we’re walking on the boardwalk. I can’t walk any faster than I already am, and he tells me this. He knows I’m deathly afraid of snakes. Why does he torture me like this?!?!?! (all of that was typed while I’m smiling…only my dad (or brothers in my case too) would say that.) 😉

Ya’ll, my hair is turning into a mullet again. I’ve been meaning to go get it cut, I just haven’t had time. But I must do it this week. It’s getting bad. 😊 Also, my mom will love it and it is Mother’s Day on Sunday. I never thought of how hair grows back until all of it was shaved off. It grows at the same rate no matter if it’s coming from the top of your head or the back of your head – hence, the mullet!

I think that this is a long-enough blog post, so I’ll close now (and I hear a sigh of relief from those reading!). Overall, it’s been a great week. How could it not be? God chose to wake me up every day, gives me a job to go to, lavishes me with friends and family I don’t deserve and the icing on the cake was, I didn’t fall! Ya’ll – as always – GOD’S GOT THIS!!!!!!!