My new position at work is wonderful. I absolutely love it, but it’s also humbling. I’m doing something completely new to me and where I once “knew it all” (Ahh, that sounds haughty and pretentious and not humble at all!), that’s not the case in this new position. I am SO OPEN to learning new things, but there are times I mess up and don’t know what I’m doing, and I must humble myself, admit that I don’t know what I’m doing, ask for help and receive instruction. It’s a good lesson to learn. I must open myself up for critique and constructive criticism. The same can be said for my walking. I may think from time to time that I’m doing well, or I don’t need help, but then with the snap of a finger, things change. I must open myself up, humble myself and ask for help when I need it. In both scenarios though, God has taught me humbleness, but He’s also shown mercy. In the job scenario, it’s having super understanding co-workers who jump right in when I have questions. I also got to see, for the first time, one of the videos I created in all its glory in the edit bay. The editor was there with me and once he added all the music and transitions, it turned out beautifully. Thank you, God for this tiny, but mighty gesture to let me know everything is going to be OK. In the walking scenario, God shows His mercies time and time again. This past week it was shown through my friend Whitney who was there if need be to help me up to, through and back from communion at church. I (definitely) get by with a little help from my friends. Haha! Also, God brought to my mind what I told my neurologist at the very, very, very beginning of the process towards being approved for deep brain stimulation. I remember distinctly him asking me what I wanted to get out of this surgery. My response to him was, “I want to be able to walk with a cane.” Funny, how now I fiercely refuse to use a cane at all. He gave me a little (by allowing me not to have to use a walker – praise Jesus!) and now I want more. But – it’s humbling and empowering at the same time to say that I don’t walk with either a walker OR a cane, when all I wanted three years ago was to be able to walk with a cane. Sometimes looking back is a good thing because you can see how far you’ve come. That’s not to say, watching me walk without a walker or a cane, you may want me to walk with one of them, but I don’t care if I’m slow, or rigid or have issues, I’m walking. Now, watch, next week, I’ll write that I decided to start using a cane again because things like that always happen to me, but God-willing, that won’t be the case. 😉 I am thankful. So very, very thankful!
I guess maybe the most important thing to talk about in this post (I know, after you’ve already read a book from me above!) is that I (finally!) turned up the electricity in my deep brain stimulation device. I woke up yesterday morning and just felt like I should. Nothing happened to make me make that decision. In fact, for the first time in a LONG time, I had a fall-free week. Yay!! And yet, crazy that now’s when I want to turn the electricity up. I know. Why change it now? To tell you the truth, I have NO IDEA. I just woke up feeling a nudge to do it. It really takes all of two seconds to do it. So, I did it. Only from 3.20 volts to 3.30, so nothing drastic or earth shattering, but we’ll see if that does anything. I usually wait until bedtime to mess with the electricity, so that I can be doing “nothing” and give it a little time to work, but this time I switched it first thing in the morning. It doesn’t matter when you do it, I just found that bedtime seems like a better time for me. The results usually take about 2 weeks to work anyway. And you know how patient I am. 😉 Sometimes, I’m able to feel something right away, but sometimes I don’t. This time, I didn’t feel anything. I’m still waiting on results. Once I turned it up, I realized that I do have an appointment with Dr. T. (my neurologist) scheduled for the middle of July, so if I want to play around with the settings and how much electricity I’m giving myself, now’s the perfect time to do it, so that I can report back to him.
I realized at the beach a couple of weeks ago, that I am an EXTREMELY SLOW walker now. I mean, I knew this, but it was brought to light more vividly. On sand, I was fine, but on the boardwalk to the beach my dad would help me. Sometimes, he was walking too fast for me. I would say, “I’m sorry” and he would say, “Don’t say you’re sorry. You’re fine. Just tell me to knock it down a gear.” So that’s what I did. He’d say, “Ok, now we’re in second gear. Now we’re in first gear.” Haha. At least he made me laugh. One night, he said that earlier in the day as he was making his way back to our condo a guy on the boardwalk told him he should be careful, that there was a snake on the boardwalk earlier. My dad tells me this as we’re walking on the boardwalk. I can’t walk any faster than I already am, and he tells me this. He knows I’m deathly afraid of snakes. Why does he torture me like this?!?!?! (all of that was typed while I’m smiling…only my dad (or brothers in my case too) would say that.) 😉
Ya’ll, my hair is turning into a mullet again. I’ve been meaning to go get it cut, I just haven’t had time. But I must do it this week. It’s getting bad. 😊 Also, my mom will love it and it is Mother’s Day on Sunday. I never thought of how hair grows back until all of it was shaved off. It grows at the same rate no matter if it’s coming from the top of your head or the back of your head – hence, the mullet!
I think that this is a long-enough blog post, so I’ll close now (and I hear a sigh of relief from those reading!). Overall, it’s been a great week. How could it not be? God chose to wake me up every day, gives me a job to go to, lavishes me with friends and family I don’t deserve and the icing on the cake was, I didn’t fall! Ya’ll – as always – GOD’S GOT THIS!!!!!!!
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