I'm sorry I didn't update last Tuesday, but truth be told, I didn't want to sit at the computer anymore. ;) I am EXTREMELY BLESSED to have a job where I can work from home in these circumstances, but it's different. Ya'll know if you're doing the same thing. I'm also one of those people who want to "play by the rules" and somehow working from home makes me even more intent on staying at the computer ALL DAY to make sure my bosses and co-workers know I'm working and not slacking off - haha. HOWEVER, I've been on several Zoom meetings this past week with my boss and co-workers and the higher-ups at the company and they are ALL saying to take breaks - get away from the computer - breath. So, I'm trying to take their advice! Anyway, all that to describe why I didn't update. ;)
If you read my last blog post, you know I was having trouble and was debating on whether to take the electricity in my deep brain stimulation device down some. Well, I waited exactly two weeks (Yay! - go me. I WAITED!!!), but I did end up taking it down last Thursday (March 26 for my record keeping!). I took it back down to 3.00 volts (from 3.20) on Frequency A and now, I'm wondering if it's too low. Maybe I should land on 3.10. But for the time being it's at 3.20.
So, as stated above, I've been working from home.
Some of the "pros" of working from home:
- I can roll out of bed at 8:28am and be at work at 8:30am.
- I don't have to shower or put make-up or "real" clothes on (unless I know I have a Zoom meeting - ha!)
- I'm not interrupted.
Some of the "cons" of working from home:
- I'm not interrupted. I MISS MY CO-WORKERS SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- I can't bounce ideas off my co-workers (well I can through instant messaging and e-mail, but it's not the same).
- I miss human contact.
Ya'll I've ALWAYS thought of myself as an introvert. And, I am - HOWEVER (more than ever), I miss my family and my friends. I miss human contact. I miss hugs. I miss get annoyed at people. I just miss people. We were not born to be isolated. We need each other. I am SO THANKFUL that we live in a time where there are Zoom meetings, Facebook, FaceTime, IM, text messaging, phone calls, e-mails, Instagram and everything else, because if we didn't live in this time, I think I might go crazy. Thank you, thank you to everyone who posts on Facebook and Instagram. To those that reach out in texts and phone calls. One of my absolute favorite things right now is getting to FaceTime with my nieces. It gives me life. My dad was testing out Zoom the other day and Zoomed me to test it. I LOVED IT!!! So, while I may be an introvert - I need people!! This quarantine is teaching me to be more social (after all this over with), to never take human contact for granted and to spend as much time with my family and friends as possible.
In this time of doubt and worry and panic and sadness, I've asked Jesus to show me how to be like Him every day. I'm being intentional about it. I want to represent Jesus in everything I do. So many people are scared and panicked and I want to bring just a little bit of calm to their world. Don't get me wrong. I have my moments of panic and hypochondria, but more often than not in this time, I've been calm. As many of you know (or don't know, that's fine too!), I suffer from panic attacks. I have since I was 10 or 11. It's a physiological (I hope I'm using the right word there) condition - meaning it's physical. I don't bring them on myself. I don't say, "Oh, let's have a panic attack today." It just happens. Yes, I have triggers and yes, I CAN get myself so worked up that I cause myself to have one, but for the most part it's physical. Anyway, since the coronavirus has hit, I've felt at peace. Is that the not the weirdest thing?! I saw something on Facebook and IMMEDIATELY related to it. I think it was meant to be funny, but ya'll it's me!! It said:
"I've noticed that people with anxiety disorders seem to be much calmer than the general population concerning the Coronavirus. Guess all these years of dealing with imaginary worst-case scenarios has actually made us more capable of dealing with real threats when they come - silver lining."
Again, I'm not saying I'm completely panic free. In fact, today, I HAD to pick up a prescription and also buy groceries. So now my hypochondria is in full force. Did I expose myself to the virus? Should I just have survived off of oatmeal? BUT, I also know that God's got this. He knows are needs. He was there yesterday, He's here today and He'll be here tomorrow.
I was talking with a co-worker (over instant message) and I told her that I was kind of scared that when we were allowed to be in crowds of people again that I would have a panic attack. She said that she hoped it wouldn't be like that. Since telling her that, God's allowed me to completely change my mind. I truly believe that when we are able to be together again, that I will be just fine. In fact, maybe I won't ever have another panic attack. My God is a God of Miracles - so it can happen!!!!!!!!
On a lighter note, I broke the "flusher" (not sure that's a word) on my toilet this morning. How does that even happen? I went to flush the toilet and the "flusher" fell off! Thankfully, we have a plumber in our church. I called him and he was able to fix it ASAP. I kind of felt guilty for calling him, you know, with the pandemic and stuff. I could of used my other bathroom, but I am so very thankful that it is fixed. It's one less thing to worry about.
Also during this pandemic, I have missed with all my heart my church family, however I have completely enjoyed listing to the worship services online. Only God really knows my heart and when I'm able to listen - just one on one (me and whomever is speaking), I've been able to really experience Jesus and his saving love for me. There's no distractions. It's just me and Jesus. I've been able to dig deeper into my faith. But, again, I miss my church family so, so very much and can't wait to see their faces, hug their necks and have human contact with them again! It pains me more than anything that we may not be able to worship together in person Holy Week and Easter, but God is still God and we will still celebrate the resurrection of our RISEN LORD.
Ya'll if you're worried, anxious, scared, panicked - please reach out to someone. Reach out to me. God is so good. I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt -
GOD'S GOT THIS!!!!
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