Tune-in-Tuesday (but on a Sunday): March 29, 2020

Hi ya'll! How's everyone doing? Going stir-crazy yet? How's self quarantining going? I've noticed that we all want what we don't have. What do I mean by that? Well those of with kids want them to go back to school. Those of us with spouses want 5 minutes alone, while those of us with no children and no spouses want all that chaos - haha! Even in this quarantine (and I'm still wanting to spell it quarentine!), God is still good!

I'm sorry I didn't update last Tuesday, but truth be told, I didn't want to sit at the computer anymore. ;) I am EXTREMELY BLESSED to have a job where I can work from home in these circumstances, but it's different. Ya'll know if you're doing the same thing. I'm also one of those people who want to "play by the rules" and somehow working from home makes me even more intent on staying at the computer ALL DAY to make sure my bosses and co-workers know I'm working and not slacking off - haha. HOWEVER, I've been on several Zoom meetings this past week with my boss and co-workers and the higher-ups at the company and they are ALL saying to take breaks - get away from the computer - breath. So, I'm trying to take their advice! Anyway, all that to describe why I didn't update. ;)

If you read my last blog post, you know I was having trouble and was debating on whether to take the electricity in my deep brain stimulation device down some. Well, I waited exactly two weeks (Yay! - go me. I WAITED!!!), but I did end up taking it down last Thursday (March 26 for my record keeping!). I took it back down to 3.00 volts (from 3.20) on Frequency A and now, I'm wondering if it's too low. Maybe I should land on 3.10. But for the time being it's at 3.20.

So, as stated above, I've been working from home.

Some of the "pros" of working from home:

- I can roll out of bed at 8:28am and be at work at 8:30am.
- I don't have to shower or put make-up or "real" clothes on (unless I know I have a Zoom meeting - ha!)
- I'm not interrupted.

Some of the "cons" of working from home:

- I'm not interrupted. I MISS MY CO-WORKERS SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- I can't bounce ideas off my co-workers (well I can through instant messaging and e-mail, but it's not the same).
- I miss human contact.

Ya'll I've ALWAYS thought of myself as an introvert. And, I am - HOWEVER (more than ever), I miss my family and my friends. I miss human contact. I miss hugs. I miss get annoyed at people. I just miss people. We were not born to be isolated. We need each other. I am SO THANKFUL that we live in a time where there are Zoom meetings, Facebook, FaceTime, IM, text messaging, phone calls, e-mails, Instagram and everything else, because if we didn't live in this time, I think I might go crazy. Thank you, thank you to everyone who posts on Facebook and Instagram. To those that reach out in texts and phone calls. One of my absolute favorite things right now is getting to FaceTime with my nieces. It gives me life. My dad was testing out Zoom the other day and Zoomed me to test it. I LOVED IT!!! So, while I may be an introvert - I need people!! This quarantine is teaching me to be more social (after all this over with), to never take human contact for granted and to spend as much time with my family and friends as possible.

In this time of doubt and worry and panic and sadness, I've asked Jesus to show me how to be like Him every day. I'm being intentional about it. I want to represent Jesus in everything I do. So many people are scared and panicked and I want to bring just a little bit of calm to their world. Don't get me wrong. I have my moments of panic and hypochondria, but more often than not in this time, I've been calm. As many of you know (or don't know, that's fine too!), I suffer from panic attacks. I have since I was 10 or 11. It's a physiological (I hope I'm using the right word there) condition - meaning it's physical. I don't bring them on myself. I don't say, "Oh, let's have a panic attack today." It just happens. Yes, I have triggers and yes, I CAN get myself so worked up that I cause myself to have one, but for the most part it's physical. Anyway, since the coronavirus has hit, I've felt at peace. Is that the not the weirdest thing?! I saw something on Facebook and IMMEDIATELY related to it. I think it was meant to be funny, but ya'll it's me!! It said:

"I've noticed that people with anxiety disorders seem to be much calmer than the general population concerning the Coronavirus. Guess all these years of dealing with imaginary worst-case scenarios has actually made us more capable of dealing with real threats when they come - silver lining."

Again, I'm not saying I'm completely panic free. In fact, today, I HAD to pick up a prescription and also buy groceries. So now my hypochondria is in full force. Did I expose myself to the virus? Should I just have survived off of oatmeal? BUT, I also know that God's got this. He knows are needs. He was there yesterday, He's here today and He'll be here tomorrow.

I was talking with a co-worker (over instant message) and I told her that I was kind of scared that when we were allowed to be in crowds of people again that I would have a panic attack. She said that she hoped it wouldn't be like that. Since telling her that, God's allowed me to completely change my mind. I truly believe that when we are able to be together again, that I will be just fine. In fact, maybe I won't ever have another panic attack. My God is a God of Miracles - so it can happen!!!!!!!!

On a lighter note, I broke the "flusher" (not sure that's a word) on my toilet this morning. How does that even happen? I went to flush the toilet and the "flusher" fell off! Thankfully, we have a plumber in our church. I called him and he was able to fix it ASAP. I kind of felt guilty for calling him, you know, with the pandemic and stuff. I could of used my other bathroom, but I am so very thankful that it is fixed. It's one less thing to worry about.

Also during this pandemic, I have missed with all my heart my church family, however I have completely enjoyed listing to the worship services online. Only God really knows my heart and when I'm able to listen - just one on one (me and whomever is speaking), I've been able to really experience Jesus and his saving love for me. There's no distractions. It's just me and Jesus. I've been able to dig deeper into my faith. But, again, I miss my church family so, so very much and can't wait to see their faces, hug their necks and have human contact with them again! It pains me more than anything that we may not be able to worship together in person Holy Week and Easter, but God is still God and we will still celebrate the resurrection of our RISEN LORD.

Ya'll if you're worried, anxious, scared, panicked - please reach out to someone. Reach out to me. God is so good. I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt -

GOD'S GOT THIS!!!!

Tune-In-Tuesday (but on a Wednesday): March 18, 2020

First, I'm sorry I didn't blog yesterday. I worked all day (which is not unlike every Tuesday (or Monday, Wednesday, Thursday or Friday) - ha!) but the difference was that I worked from home and as silly as this sounds, my laptop was in the same place I usually blog from and I just didn't feel like sitting down anymore and writing - so - I'm blogging today. Why I feel like ya'll have to know that information, I don't know - ha!

Anyway, how are all ya'll doing being quarantined? Or are you even quarantined? Maybe I have to be quarantined so that I learn to spell quarantine. Literally for all 4 times that I typed quarantined (now 5) I've spelled it "quarentine". That's embarrassing, but true. 😉

I did do a live Facebook video yesterday (maybe that made up for not writing a blog!). It was fun, however I'm sure those that tuned in got bored because I didn't know what to talk about. Imagine that - me - who loves to write and spill my guts - couldn't come up with stuff to talk about. Haha. I'm not going to lie though, it was fun. Maybe I'll do it again. Send me topics to talk on though. 😉

I've always thought of myself as an introvert. I am an introvert - no doubt about it. However, in times like these, I'm not so introverted. I need human contact. I go stir-crazy. My personality is somewhat like this: If you tell me I can't do something, I try to prove you wrong. It's like a challenge for me. I don't even know what personality that would be defined as. But what I'm saying is that now that I know I'm not supposed to go anywhere, I have to go to all the places!! What gives?! And just to be clear - I'm not quarantined (again, I misspelled it and had to correct it!) because I have the Coronavirus. I'm quarantined because my work has told all of us that we are to work from home through (at least) March 27. And then we're hearing on TV to not go out unless necessary, so anyway - that's why I'm quarantined. I really, really think quarantined should be spelled quarentined. What is up with me and not being able to spell that word?!?! I might take a drive later to Cades Cove or something, (maybe just my neighborhood!) just to get out of the house, but still be quarantined (to my car). We're all in this together, just quarantined from each other. How backward is that?!

As for dystonia stuff: it's been a so-so week. After updating last week that I hadn't fallen any, I fell on Wednesday. Yep, the day after I updated. Right there in church. I think only one person saw me (I HOPE at least only one person saw me), but I of course bloodied my knee. Interestingly enough, I was wearing pantyhose (don't judge, I wear them to cover up my flour white legs and also to keep warm in the office. It's crazy, but just that little sheath blocks out the cold in the office!) and for the first time EVER, I didn't get a hole or rip in them at all. How does that even happen?!! They were only bloody. That explains why I couldn't keep Band-Aids on my leg though - haha. Yes, I put them over the pantyhose and they wouldn't stick. I'll admit, I was preoccupied and worried about the band-aids coming off during church. They did come off several times and I reapplied them. We had Communion and I was so worried they would come off as I walked up to Communion or when I had to kneel. I didn't want to get the kneeling cushions bloody! It's kind of funny (not really) how Satan distracts us. I prayed though and guess what?! They didn't fall off and I got nothing bloody!! However, after church was over, I noticed that at some point after Communion, they had fallen off. I looked everywhere in the pew for them and couldn't find them. I gave up. It wasn't until just a couple of days ago that I found them. Stuck to the bottom of the shoes I was wearing that night - phew! No one had to find my bloody band-aids and dispose of them. Thank you, Jesus.

I had a bloody nose at the beginning of the month. I don't think that has to do with anything related to dystonia, but I will say, I've never had more bloody noses then I do now after brain surgery. Is that a thing? Probably not and I'm probably going into hypochondria by overthinking things like that. On a side note: how was I able to spell hypochondria correctly the very first time and I still can't spell quarantine correctly after like 13 times?!

So yeah, needless to say, I've been having issues. I finally decided to see what level of electricity I was on (because, I literally forgot and don't remember the last time I fooled with the electricity.) I thought I was on 3.2 volts, but good thing I checked because I was actually on only 3.0 volts. So last Thursday (March 12 - for my record keeping 😉) I took the electricity up to 3.2. And today, I'm thinking about taking it back down again to 3.0. I haven't yet, but I'm contemplating it. Walking hasn't gotten better and even though I haven't given it two weeks (which is the length my neurologist said to give any level to see if it works, unless it's just too much to bear), I'm thinking of going back down. My foot doesn't lay flat on the floor (acting like it's got too much electricity). So...we'll see. It's a guessing game with this condition and with the electricity. I'm glad I have options, but sometimes it's frustrating.

Maybe God's quarantining me so I'll start writing a book?! People keep telling me I should. Maybe I will. Not that I can write a whole book in a week or even a month. But maybe I'll start on it. I've kind of written a book here in just this blog post, haven't I?! When I want to write, the words just flow. When I'm forced to write, they come slower. I guess that's what it's like for everyone, right? Or am I the only one that feels this way?

OK, I'll close now. I hope everyone stays well and keeps their sanity in this insane environment we are currently living in. And as always, remember: GOD'S GOT THIS!!!

Tune-In-Tuesday: March 10, 2020

You’d think that I hate writing by my reluctance to update this blog tonight (and last week). I’ll be honest, it’s felt like a chore. I don’t know why that is. I didn’t update last Tuesday because I had just updated the Saturday before, but for the past few weeks, every time Tuesday’s rolled around, I’ve not felt led to write. Sometimes I feel like a broken record saying the same thing over and over, however I do love having a record of what’s been going on and when it happened. So tonight, I’m forcing myself to sit down and write an entry. After all, I really do love writing. In fact, last night I even had a dream that I had a book being published. 😊

Walking has been difficult these past few weeks. I haven’t fallen, but I haven’t been walking with ease either. I’ve been on the struggle bus. I think a lot of has to do with the weather. However, even though it’s been a struggle, I am grateful. I’m grateful that I can walk – no matter how slow or awkward. I’m grateful that I have a desk job. I’m grateful that I have a one-story house. I could go on. 😉 I know that this is just a season and it will pass. There will be better walking days ahead!

Thanks for reading this short, but (hopefully) sweet entry! Stay well, wash your hands and always remember: God’s Got This!