I sincerely thought about not writing a post tonight. Nothing really "exciting" or new has happened in the last week concerning walking and I have a neurology appointment this Thursday, so I thought about holding off. But something's been on my mind this week, so I thought I'd blog about it.
Has anyone ever taken a chance on you? Well someone (actually lots of someones) took a chance on me almost three years ago. I fought. They fought. We all fought! You see, my neurologists took a chance on me. More on that in a minute.
It seems like nothing in life comes easy for me. Seriously. One example: The second I was born, I broke a bone (my clavicle). ;) Another example of this is college. I knew from the second I stepped foot on Asbury University's campus that I wanted to go there. I was one or two points shy of having the minimum grade on my ACT (or was it SAT?) to get in. I was and to this day am not a good test taker at all. I applied to Asbury anyway. Then I waited. And waited. And waited some more. Nothing. I was accepted into other colleges that I applied to, but heard NOTHING from Asbury. I held out though. I made no decision on any other college that had accepted me. I waited. Then one day after school, the phone rang. My mom said it was for me. I picked it up and heard the voice of Dr. Timothy Thomas on the other line. He was the associate academic dean of Asbury. By the way he was speaking, I knew I didn't make it in to Asbury. In so many words (and in my interpretation) he said he thought it would be a struggle for me at Asbury. I would really have to apply myself. Then all of a sudden his tone changed and he said that Asbury was willing to take a chance on me. Then he spoke the words I thought I would see in black and white. I heard over the phone, "Welcome to Asbury!". I screamed so loud into the phone that I had to get back on and apologize profusely to Dr. Thomas. He was exceedingly happy that I was so happy. He was right though, Asbury was a struggle for me. My freshman year I called home every single night because I was that homesick. Classes were hard. But you know what? I overcame my homesickness. I overcame the struggles with classes. I'm proud to say that I never changed my major. Not once. I declared Media Communications as my major before I even got into Asbury and stuck to my guns. I struggled to pay for college. I worked my butt off in the summer to earn enough money to see me through the year ahead. I didn't work during college because I really had to study and focus on classes. But in four years I graduated Asbury with a degree in Media Communications. It was one of my most proudest moments.
I share that story to show you how I struggle through things. When Deep Brain Stimulation surgery was first brought to my attention to help with my dystonia, I was overjoyed. Yes, overjoyed. Nothing had worked up to then and if this would allow me to walk walker and cane free then I was gung-ho about doing it. But there were all kinds of red tape and obstacles to get through before the actual surgery. My neurologist here in Knoxville had to refer me to neurologists in Nashville. When I went to the neurology appointment in Nashville, Dr. T. had to give his stamp of approval before any neurosurgeon would look at me. Dr. T. took a chance on me. I think in the beginning, he had some reservations. As a doctor (I'm speculating, because I'm not a doctor), you want the cases you refer to actually be cases that succeed. My charming personality (haha - joking here!) is what won him over. ;) Unbeknownst to me at the time, there is a committee that meets to determine if a patient is a good fit for deep brain stimulation. The neurologist presents his (my) case to the committee and they have to unanimously decide whether or not a patient gets the surgery. Dr. T. fought for me. He took a chance on me. I say he fought because he did. The first time before the committee, he (I) was denied the surgery. They thought I could have other procedures done to diagnose me before resorting to DBS. Dr. T. came back to me with the decision. If I still wanted the DBS surgery he said he was willing to keep fighting for me, but I'd have to have other tests done first. I still wanted DBS, so I went the path I had to go to get there. That meant I had to have a lumbar puncture (spinal tap). I had that done. I followed the rules. I took medication that they thought would help. I did physical therapy, which they recommended. I did everything that the committee asked me to do and I still had problems walking. So Dr. T. went before the committee again and presented my case. He emphasized how young I am (haha, so I'm not that young, but I was shocked when he told me that most people who have DBS are in their 70's. I'd be the youngest patient they had done it on at the time.). He fought for me; he took a chance on me and for that I will ALWAYS be thankful. After months of committee meetings and medical tests and back and forth, the committee unanimously agreed that I could have the deep brain stimulation surgery. I remember Dr. T. asking me what my goal would be. I told him if I could walk only having to use a cane (and no walker), I'd be satisfied. Sometimes, it's so, so, so very good to remember that conversation and sit with it awhile. If I could walk with only a cane I'd be satisfied. As with everyone else, we're never truly satisfied in some situations, are we? I walk with neither a cane or a walker today and yet, I'm not satisfied with the way I do walk. It'll be three years in February that I've had the DBS surgery. It's not been a bed of roses since the surgery, but it's been an adventure. It's been a growing opportunity. It's been wildly fun. Yes, fun. I can say that because just the surgery itself was worth the price of admission - ha! Not many people can say that they've had awake brain surgery. ;) I'm still a work in progress though. I still have to fight for walking to come "easy". But, I'm exceedingly blessed. When I get frustrated with what I think is lack of progress or just being able to get from point A to Point B without falling, I have to remind myself that God is in control. I have to remember to "Be still and know that I am God." Psalms 46:10.
God always and forever takes a chance on me. I am incredibly thankful for this. When I think I've messed up, when I want to throw in the towel, when I think I can't get better, God takes a chance on me and changes me from the inside out. He holds my hand, helps me up, brushes me off and says, "You are Mine. I'll never stop loving you. I'll never stop taking chances on you."
Before I end this post, I have to say that I had NO IDEA what I was going to write about tonight, but sitting here typing this post, I can now not get the Abba song, "Take a Chance on Me" out of my head. My mom's favorite Broadway show is "Mamma Mia", so I know the Abba song well. And, if you know me well, you know I'll have this song stuck in my head all night now! ;)
Always remember....God's Got This!
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