My friend, Frieda, posted the above Bible verse today on her Facebook wall and it hit me smack between the eyes. It's just what I needed, when I needed it.
Somehow, somewhere I’ve picked up this idealistic view that if I do this, I’ll be healed or if I do that, everything will go my way. Umm…NO!! It doesn’t work like that. Even though I’m a child a God, life on this Earth will never be perfect – even if that’s what I want. That’s just the truth. God doesn’t promise us a smooth-sailing ride through life. He does promise that He’ll be with us each step, but life is still going to be hard at times because of sin.
The past week’s been rough. I won’t lie. It’s been a struggle to walk. It’s not what I had hoped for after getting my deep brain stimulation battery replaced. Things are supposed to be great, right?! I got my batteries replaced and all is supposed to be well. Ha! It’s not. 😉 Over the week, I kept thinking that walking would get better, but it didn’t. My hand was also giving me problems. I was frustrated, but strangely (or maybe not so strangely!) not without hope. I could say the week was bad, but then again, the whole week wasn’t bad and neither was any whole day – just moments. I am reminded tonight that I didn’t fall - not once. That's ONLY by the grace of God. There were times when I thought I was going to, but praise Jesus, He kept me upright! I'm also highly aware that many, many people have much bigger problems then I do. They are going through things that make my walking issues look like a minor inconvenience. It's all in perspective. I am most certainly blessed!!
I went to a doctor’s appointment on Friday morning (unrelated to the brain stuff), and was given some advice that I took to heart. What if, now that the battery is brand new, I don’t need to be on the level I was on before it was replaced? It made sense. And I did feel that I was getting too much electricity. I hadn’t changed the settings though because it hadn’t been two weeks after the surgery yet and I wanted to make sure that I gave the setting enough time to adjust before changing it. But there were signs that I had too much: my foot wouldn’t lie flat on the ground and I was having spasms in my leg. My hand was twitching and making weird involuntary movements. I also felt very off-balance. Last week was just not fun. Not that every week must be fun, but hopefully you get what I mean. 😉
Sunday afternoon (after nearly face-planting on the sidewalk walking into church!), I decided I HAD to do something. So, I took the electricity down. I was at 3.20 volts and I took it down to 3.00. Almost immediately my hand was more relaxed. The foot remained to be seen. As I stated earlier it takes a good 2 weeks for everything to have a chance to work, but some subtle things can be seen right away (in my case, my hand). By yesterday evening, I was contemplating turning it down even more. This morning, I did turn it down more. Now it’s at 2.70. I worry that it’s too low, but I’ll give it at least a day or two. I have to have faith and trust that my foot will hold me. So far though, I’ve felt a million times better. I have no idea why I didn't take the electricity down sooner than I did but I choose to believe it was all in God's time.
I firmly believe that God uses the difficult situations in our lives to draw us closer to him. While walking was rough, my prayer life has never been so on par! Nor has my Bible reading. 😉 Now I say this a little tongue-in-cheek, but it is SO TRUE at the same time. When everything in life is going great, my prayer life and my Bible reading tend to go by the waste side (just being honest), but when things are tough, that’s when I’m in constant contact with God. I have grown and am continuing to grow in my relationship with Jesus. For someone like me who always feels like I must be in control of things, it’s hard for me sometimes to realize that God knows what He’s doing. I constantly want to grab the reins from Him and tell Him, “No – it’s this way!”, but God’s got a firm grip and doesn’t allow me to deter Him. He takes me on a wild ride sometimes, but it’s always the best, most breath-taking, adventurous, beautiful ride I’ve ever been on. So, even during the rough weeks, I can loudly proclaim that God’s Got This!
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