I have a confession to make. I try so hard to write these blog posts before Tuesday night, so that I can post them earlier than I do. However, I've only succeeded at that less than a handful of times. There's just something about writing them on a Tuesday night that works for me, I guess. These posts are off the cuff and spontaneous, yet I still "agonize" over what to put in them and give great thought into what I say. I'm just a writing contradiction of myself, I guess! What I mean is that I know I'm going to write a blog post every Tuesday and although I dwell on what I'm going to write about, I actually have no idea what I'm going to write about until I start typing it. Does that make sense? Probably not, but that's OK!
Lately, I've really been trying to concentrate on being "uniquely me". I've been trying to be OK with my idiosyncrasies (you wouldn't believe how many times it took me to at least get somewhat close in spelling idiosyncrasies so that Google would understand the word I was trying to use. I used to be so good at spelling words!). This is hard work! Being OK with the way I walk is HARD. I want to do it "perfectly", but perfectly for me, is going to be different than what it is to those who have no walking issues. And that's OK. I just have to let it be. It's so much easier to say (or in this case, write) that, than to actually put it into practice, but I'm trying. The way I walk makes me uniquely me.
This past week, my walking has improved. However, I still get nervous at times and will still gladly accept help. Most of the time. There are times when people have asked if I'd like help and I've turned them down. It's usually not because I'm embarrassed. It's not because I don't like them. It's because, in my mind and my heart, I know I can do it. So, I may be slow, but I do it. I walk on my own. On the flip side, there are times when people ask if I need help and I know in my heart that I can do it, but I want to get somewhere fast or I just feel like I need extra help so I'll accept. All this to say, if I decline help, please don't think I'm mad at you and if I accept it, please don't think of me as weak. My confidence in my walking abilities varies. Some days it's high and other days it's greatly lacking. There are just going to be good days and bad and it doesn't mean anything other than that.
I didn't fall in the past week, unless you count me falling over in yoga tonight. ;) My instructor asked if that's how I normally fall. I was doing a pose and lost my balance and kind of just rolled onto the floor. She said it was graceful. I assured her that that is not the way I normally fall. No, my normal falls include flailing of arms and making a big scene, blood and tears. There is no "graceful" in them. :) At least tonight, I "gracefully" tipped over and there was no making a big scene, no blood, injuries or tears.
I remain at the same level of electricity in my deep brain stimulation device as I've been on the past couple of weeks. There are definitely signs that I could probably use a little more, but then I have to weigh the good with the bad. If I "up" the electricity will the good that comes from it outweigh the bad? I was just up a couple of weeks ago and it wasn't as good. So, I'll sit on this setting a little longer and see what happens from there. I can always change the setting if need be.
I think that's it for this post. Last week was good. It had its struggles at times, but overall, it was good. I thank the Lord for good days and weeks. I'm blessed in so many ways. The way I walk - good or bad - makes me uniquely me. No matter what, I must always remember that God's Got This!
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