On that day, Mom and I got into a pretty bad car accident after church on our way to my grandparents house after we picked up pizza for lunch. My dad was still at church and actually heard the accident, but drove right past us a little while later because we were down in a ravine and not visible from the road. Mom said I was knocked unconscious from the beginning and that she started to worry when I started making gurgling noises. I was told they had to use the "jaws of life" to get us out. Mom was taken to the nearest hospital per my dad's request, but the paramedics made the decision to take me to the University of Tennessee because they are a level one trauma center. (Incidentally, this is now the same ER that my brother, Stanton, works at as an ER doctor!).
Ya'll, my favorite TV show ever is "ER". I love anything medical. It fascinates me. I've always wanted to ride in an ambulance with lights and sirens and the one time I get to do it, I don't remember a single second of it!! So, if you're a paramedic and are reading this, could I please get a ride in an ambulance with lights and sirens when I'm not the patient?! ;) I'd also love, love, love a tour of the ER (again, when I'm NOT the patient! This is also a hint for my brother, although I think he's too busy to read this blog!). I would love every second of it! I would love to be a doctor or a nurse except that I'm terrible in math and science. Oh well. I don't remember much of my ER visit. I remember that my back hurt (turns out it was just from laying on the backboard). The only other thing I remember was overhearing someone say "surgery" and I freaked out. They quickly said it was only an option and it turns out, I didn't have to have it. And that concludes my ER experience. No George Clooney.
It turns out that Mom and I had identical injuries, we just mirrored each other. We both had fractured pelvises. Mine was on the right and hers was on the left. I'm very thankful that I was "left in the dark" on what fractured pelvises meant until I was past the point of concern. Turns out, it's very easy for someone with a fractured pelvis to develop a blood clot and die instantly. Thank the Lord that didn't happen to me or Mom!
For 6 days after December 19, Mom and I were separated in two different hospitals and my poor dad, during one of the busiest weeks of the year for him (he's a pastor of a church), had to juggle visiting both of us, taking care of my brothers at home, and prepare for Christmas worship. We were discharged from the hospital on Christmas Eve. People in our church really stepped up and helped us out. My grandmother spent the nights with me in the hospital and a good friend, Cheri, spent the days with me. I remember certain things about that time, like my nurse. He was a male first of all and I was a little self-conscience in the beginning, but that lasted all of 2 minutes. I was in so much pain, I didn't care. He was football player huge. He could pick me up in one fell swoop and lay me back down on the bed just as easily. Back then, I had gained more than the "freshman 15", so picking me up was quite the feat - ha! He was the sweetest human being though. I remember that he and his wife had just had a son and it was going to be his first Christmas that year. I also remember the occupational therapist or maybe he was a physical therapist. Either way he was HOT!! I hadn't brushed my teeth in days and I remember Cheri slipping me a piece of gum when she saw how cute he was and how "in love" I was with him. His cuteness made up for the torture he put me through in just standing up. ;) I remember how Cheri had her daughter, Jill (who's a year younger than me) go out and buy a new sweater because the one I was wearing when we got in the accident was cut off by the ER doctors and destroyed. I remember friends coming by and seeing me. I remember (and still to this day have) the teddy bear that Marvin bought in the hospital gift shop that got me through those days.
Why am I writing about something that happened 18 years ago? Well, it may or may not have precipitated everything that's going on with me now. There's no way to actually tell 100%, but maybe my being knocked unconscious that day jarred something in my brain to activate the dystonia I deal with today. Doctors have theorized that it could have happened, but no one can say for sure. I myself have thought about it and theorized about it, but I end up driving myself nuts trying to pinpoint what could have caused the dystonia. I only write about it again now because today is December 19 and the 18th anniversary of the accident. It's also the anniversary of when I had a shunt put in my brain back in 2008. At that time doctors thought I had hydrocephalus. It turns out, lots of things happen to me on December 19 - sheesh!
Here I am though on December 19, 2017 and I'm writing with a grateful heart. I'm blessed to be alive. I'm blessed to be walking. I'm just simply blessed. This past week has been pretty good. Like I said in my post last week, I'm seeing subtle positive results in my walking. It's not every day in every situation, but I am seeing results. I haven't fallen in the past week and I've gotten more confident. I do know that Satan's around trying to trip me up (both literally and figuratively), but I also know that God's got a lot more power then Satan and He's kept me safe. I've said this before and I'll say it again: I pray more and harder than I ever have when I'm walking from point A to point B. Maybe that's the way God wants it. If He chooses to heal me completely so that I have no issues whatsoever walking, I'll shout it from the rooftops what He has done for me. But if He decides that where I'm at right now is where I'm supposed to be, I'll also shout it from the rooftops because after all He knows what He is doing. I do so hope and pray though that He does heal me COMPLETLEY!!!!
It's funny and humbling and wondrous how different people have different perspectives. It's also refreshing and life-affirming. People who haven't seen me in a long time are amazed at how I get along without a walker or cane. I, myself, always want more. I'm not walking "normal" yet. But then again, what is normal? I keep reminding myself what Jack , an elder at my church, once told me: "There's no such thing as bad walking. Either there's walking or not walking and you're walking." Yes, I am. Even if it's not quite how I want to be walking, it's still walking and I'm doing it. Even if you can tell that there's something wrong, I'm still walking without a cane or walker. Some of that is my stubbornness, some of it is the deep brain stimulation, some of it is medication, but ALL of it is God.
I've written about this before, but I'm going to write about it again. ;) My absolute favorite Christmas song ever is, "Mary Did You Know". I love the whole song, but my favorite lyrics are:
"The blind will see
The deaf will hear
The dead will live again
The lame will leap
The dumb will speak
The praises of The Lamb"
"The lame with LEAP". Did you get that part?! It brings chills to me every time I hear that chorus and especially that line. The lame with leap!!
God's doing mighty things in me. The physical is just the icing on the cake. Again, whether I walk with no issues or not, He's working inside me to know Him better, to praise Him better, to love Him better. I'm incredibly blessed. I may not walk like everyone else, but that's what makes me unique, right?! My story is being written by the Almighty God and I can't think of a better person to write it. He's brought me so far and the story's not done. I can't wait to see what lies ahead. Of course, I'll have down days and days when I want to take the pen out of God's hands and put it in mine, but I know that leaving the pen in His hands and relying on Him to get me through tough days is the best plan. God's got me (and you!) in the palm of His hand.
Merry Christmas everyone! May you remember the TRUE meaning of Christmas and that God's Got This!
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