On December 23 I met with my neurologist here in Knoxville. It was only my second time meeting with him, but I was reassured that God (again!) led me to the perfect neurologist for me. Thank you, Jesus! I caught Dr. L. up on the happenings that have been going on in the past six months since I last saw him. He, of course, has been kept up-to-date by the doctors at Vanderbilt as well. I told him that I am equally ecstatic and terrified about the prospect of DBS. He said that’s to be expected. He told me that he’s had one previous dystonia patient that he referred to Vanderbilt for DBS and she has had a wonderful outcome. She, like me, had it affect one side of her body and mostly in her leg. This was of huge encouragement to me! Also of encouragement to me, was the fact that he gave my neurosurgeon a glowing review and high praise. But, he also reminded me that in dystonia patients the results of DBS aren’t immediate as in patients with Parkinson’s. Another reminder he gave: the device won’t even be turned on until about 6 weeks after the surgery. To this, he saw my impatient side. ;) Why can’t everything be done fast and instantly?!! But I told him, I’ve been waiting 10 years, I guess 6 weeks wouldn’t be that bad - but that’s still to be determined! ;)
Then, on Christmas Eve, I got an early Christmas present of sorts. My Vanderbilt appointment reminder and a mini biography of my neurosurgeon came in the mail. The letter literally began, “Congratulations…” I’m finding myself teetering between being excited and trying not to get my hopes up too high. I’ve been here before – thinking that a surgery would allow me to walk without assistance – only to have it not work. So, I’m really trying to be realistic about things, but at the same time I dream big.
However big I dream (and I do dream big!!), I must take one step at a time and January 7 is the next step. That’s when I meet with the neurosurgeon at Vanderbilt. According to the appointment reminder it’ll “involve a comprehensive overview of the DBS hardware and surgical procedure as well as a discussion about risks and post-operative expectations.” Please pray that everything goes well. I can still refuse the surgery at this point. I'm scared that I'll be scared enough by what he tells me that I will refuse it, but, as is becoming my motto in this process, I know that God's got this and nothing will happen that He hasn't already deemed to be.
I know I’ve been given a gift in being deemed a surgical candidate for DBS, but there is still anxiety about it. In my mind though, I can’t NOT do this. As I told Dr. L. I have to try it. If it doesn’t work, well, then, I’ll know I’ve done all that I can do. If I don’t do it, I’ll always have a lingering thought of “what if”. So, yes, I’m fearful, but I think my determination and hopefulness outweigh whatever fearfulness I have. Sometimes you have to do things you’re fearful of so that The Lord’s will is done and His works can be shown.
In case I don’t update again until January 7 or after, I hope everyone has a blessed New Year’s celebration. I, for one, can’t wait to see what 2016 brings!
Immanuel, God with us, is also with you, Stephanie! Therefore, fear not, He is your Lord.
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