10 Days

In 10 days I have my initial DBS (deep brain stimulation) appointment at Vanderbilt. Last night I got a packet of information from Vanderbilt on what to expect (along with paperwork to fill out and directions to the clinic).

I spent my Friday night curled up on the couch, first reading my newest edition of People and then reading through all the information. :)

To satisfy the media nerd in me, there was even a DVD, which of course I watched.

I've been excited as well as nervous about this upcoming appointment. I guess you could say it's actually a nervous excitement - yes, that's what it is. I always get nervous before I see a new doctor. But I'm excited too. I so want to be able to walk without a walker or a cane again. Maybe this is the answer, but then again, maybe not. I just have to wait (which I'm not very good at!) and see what the doctors say.

Speaking of doctors, I "met" my Vanderbilt DBS neurologist through a biography page that was sent in the packet. I'm pretty sure we're the same age. He graduated college the same year I did and then went on to medical school. I guess I'm getting to that age where doctors can be my age - haha!! My younger (by 7 years!) brother is a doctor, so YES, I'm at that age ;)

I completely understand that I may not "get" to have DBS. (I put "get" in quotes because, if I have it, it's not going to be a picnic in the park and it won't cure me. It is, after all, brain surgery and there are risks associated with it.) I do want to be able to walk without a walker, but God may have other plans for me and DBS may not be His plan. Even if I have the surgery, it may cause other problems, or not help me in any way (I've been through that before with the shunt.) So, if I hear "you're not a candidate", I'll take it as a sign from God that DBS is not for me. I have to say that in many ways I have been blessed because of the walker and the dystonia. There are people I have met and things I've gotten to do and I have dystonia to thank for that. But, to be able to walk assistance-free: I can only imagine! If you can walk like that now, please don't take it for granted!!! I can honestly say, I probably did. And now walking assistance-free is something I dream about.

I am resolving in the next 10 days to NOT worry or be anxious about anything (which I am very prone to do!), but in prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, I will present my requests to God. (Philippians 4:6) I'll let God determine the path my feet shall take and I'll rest in the knowledge that He knows what's best.