Tune-In-Tuesday: October 1, 2019

I am not going to lie; the past week was a little rough. I fell again. This time it was on Wednesday in the hallway at church. Thankfully, only one person saw me, and he didn’t see me fall (I don’t think), he came after. He asked if I was OK and I was. I didn’t bleed, so I consider that a win.😊 It wasn’t until I went up for Communion later that night and I kneeled down that I realized, I must of bruised something. Can you bruise a nerve? As weird as that sounds, that’s what it feels like. It’s not pain but it’s like a nerve got damaged or bruised or aggravated. I also have a nice bruise on my arm where I caught the wall on the way down.

This morning - on a whim - I decided to turn the electricity in my deep brain stimulation device down. My rational on that is this: I haven’t been walking well for a few weeks now. I tend to walk without bending my knee because I feel more supported that way. That’s not good, but I feel if my knee bends, my foot will spasm. I’m also walking on the outer edge of my foot. Basically, my foot isn’t laying flat when I walk. My left hand has also been giving me problems, by curling/cramping up – all signs that I might have too much electricity. I also thought that maybe a “jolt” (AKA just doing something different with the electricity) in my system would help. So, down I went. I kept myself on the same frequency – A but went down one “point”: from 3.60 volts to 3.50 volts. I also decided today to take the batteries out of my DBS remote. I keep the remote in my purse, but inevitably it inadvertently gets turned on and off being crammed in there and every time I go to use the remote, the batteries are dead. So, I’m keeping the batteries in my purse, but will only put them in when I need to use the remote. Maybe one day, I won’t carry the remote with me, but it still gives me comfort that if I need to change the amount of electricity I give myself ASAP, I can do it (if the batteries aren't dead!). I prayed this morning that God would lead me to what He wants me to write about tonight in this post. But then I quickly made an addendum and asked that it NOT include me falling – haha. Sometimes, being very specific with God is good.

God’s been showing up for me big time this past week in the form of people to help me along the way. Grant it, I can walk, and with God’s grace, I will make it to wherever I need to go, however, I won’t decline help unless I absolutely do not need it (and let me tell you, this past week I needed it). Sunday, a friend helped me into church. Last night I had help getting in to and out of a funeral at church. If you are the people that I’m talking about (past and present!), please know that I appreciate you so much!! It’s hard to not be as independent as I would like and sometimes, I get overwhelmingly frustrated, but then I have to turn the way I see the situation around and be thankful for the “extra” time spent with friends/family who come to help out. Thank you to all of you who have and continue to help!

One of my work besties, Sarah, put a smile on my face this week by donating money to Down with Dystonia. It's a charitable organization that does research on dystonia. Our company donates on behalf of us to different charitable organizations that we choose. She donated on behalf of me. I have the SWEETEST friends. Thank you, Sarah.

This is the verse of the day that popped up today in my Bible app:

I thought it so appropriate. I even prayed that I would have compassion, kindness and patience with my body. I’m all too often talking very harsh to myself. I am my own worst critic and find every flaw. But, God’s given me this body as a gift. He specifically gave it to ME. Therefore, He trusts me with it. He knows that with him, I can handle it. He wants me to be kind to it, to nourish it, to love it, flaws and all. Sometimes, that is very, very hard for me to do, but I continually try to work on it. I have many rough patches, but there again, I’m still a work in progress. We all are – as long as we are alive on this earth – we are works-in-progress.

Always remember, God’s Got This!

Tune-In-Tuesday: September 24, 2019

The past week has been somewhat of a mixed bag. I’ve not had the best walking. I even fell once (didn’t get hurt, just fell because I tripped over my own two feet trying to keep up – ha!). I always seem to have worse days when I’m the most excited. According to doctors, this does actually make sense. It doesn't make it any better for me, but at least it's normal.

Friday, I learned how to play pool. I know, I’m a late bloomer. It’s a lot harder then I imagined, made all that more difficult when my hand doesn’t want to cooperate. However, my co-workers were patient and awesome. Did you know that writer’s cramp is dystonia? Not that I had writer’s cramp while trying to play pool, but it’s the closest thing I can compare it to.

I had a physical yesterday and I had diagnosed my shoulder pain correctly. Its dystonia related and the best advice was to not lay on that shoulder. I got a flu shot yesterday in my left arm, so that definitely reminded me not to lay on that shoulder last night. Oh, if you’ve been reading these blogs for any length of time, you know that I tend to have high blood pressure when I see doctors (that “white coat syndrome" is for real!! After I finally calm down, it goes down.). Well, yesterday, my BP was 106/70. The nurse practitioner actually used the words “low blood pressure.” Maybe, I’m finally getting used to seeing doctors? Maybe it was the fact that I got a great parking spot and was not late? Maybe it was a mistake? Maybe it was God. 😊 The physical went great and I'm thankful for that.

Tying into the whole medical thing – it’s premiere week on TV and I’m a HUGE fan of anything medical. My watch list (so far) consists of:
Mondays: 911 on Fox, The Good Doctor on ABC
Tuesdays: The Resident on Fox, New Amsterdam on NBC
Wednesdays: Chicago Med on NBC
Thursdays: Grey’s Anatomy (but I can take or leave this show. In my opinion it’s gone down from what it used to be and it’s more soapy than medical).

Are there any shows I’m missing? I really want to see the new show Carol’s Second Act that stars Patricia Heaton, but it’s not airing yet. If there are any new medical dramas coming out, I’m sure I’ll love them too.

Oh- I started yoga back up! I had a month “off” because my instructor was in Spain teaching yoga there. I can’t tell you how much I loved starting back up. It really does help (and a few years ago, I would never have said that because I didn’t know anything about yoga). I’m so blessed to be able to do it and have the instructor that I have and be able to do it one-on-one with her. If I make mistakes or fall or can’t do something, it’s just between myself and her. 😉 She’s always cheering me on and encouraging me to try things.

My church is now blessed to have a new associate pastor! His installation service was this past Sunday and the theme of it was beautiful feet. It was based on Romans 10-14-15, which refers to one of my favorite Bible verses (especially since dealing with walking issues). “How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, “Your God reigns.” Isaiah 52:7.

It’s been a busy, hectic week with lots going on and walking has not been the easiest. I want to go fast. I want to run and jump or for heaven’s sake just walk fast, but God has other plans, so I’m slow and methodical and sometimes unbalanced, but it’s OK, because at the end of every day, I reflect over the days adventures and know that I’m right where I’m supposed to be. I’ve met a lot more people being slow and methodical then I ever would have being in a rush. I’ve prayed longer and harder and more fervently then I ever would have if everything in life came easy.

I’ve been all over the map with this post tonight, but sometimes that’s just how life is. 😊 Thanks for reading and as always…God’s Got This!

Tune-In-Tuesday: September 17, 2019

After a few weeks of “normal” walking, my walking has gone back to being an issue. While I know “this too shall pass”, I really want it to pass quickly.

I had to go to the Apple Store because my phone was giving me issues. The Apple Store here is in the mall. While I “chickened out” on going on Friday night, I made the trip on Saturday. There were a few times that I almost fell, but the key word here is almost. I walked in the mall, ya’ll! Even before Friday and Saturday, I’d been having issues. But some things you must do, and you find a way to do them, so off to the mall I went. I probably should have taken a cane, but I didn’t. With God’s grace, I made it. I walked around the mall. Oh yes, it was hard, I’m not going to lie. I was sweating by the end of my trip. But you know what? GOD PROVIDED. I didn’t fall. After conquering that, I felt brave enough to go return an item at another store (outside of the mall). I couldn’t get a cart until I was in the store which meant walking into the store on my own two feet and you know what? GOD PROVIDED. I walked and didn’t fall.

I might have overdone walking on Saturday because walking on Sunday was just awful. I had two friends spot me walking into church and both came to offer an arm. My friend, Laura got to me first though, so I walked in with her. I made it through the rest of the day with minimal issues. I thought that my phone issues were behind me, but alas, they were not. Ugh. I knew I had to make another trip back to the Apple store in the mall. So, I trekked back out there late Sunday afternoon. I couldn’t go to the mall until after 4pm. I knew that it closed at 6pm. I really didn’t want to have to walk it again - especially knowing that I was having much difficulty. (Side note: as I was typing that sentence it occurred to me what an odd sentence it is – I didn’t want to have to walk the mall again. Be thankful if you can do that because not everyone can without some difficulty!) It all worked out in the end. I walked (however awkward or slow, I still did it) and I got my phone fixed (HA! By trading it in and spending money I didn’t want to spend, but nevertheless it’s fixed.). The mall closed at 6pm. I was there until 7pm, so yeah, fun times at the Apple store! 😉 I was very thankful that there weren’t many people exiting the mall when I did because walking was hard. But again, GOD PROVIDED.

If you know anything about me, you know that I get lost wherever I go. And I do mean WHEREVER I GO, including the mall. My mom told me where the Apple store was in the mall, but that didn’t matter, I still got lost! (Driving wise, I got to the mall fine – I know where it is. Walking inside of the mall is where I got lost.) I don’t know if this is for every mall, but a handy feature that I discovered my mall has is that it provides a map on its website that you can type in a store you’re starting at and the store you want to go to and it gives you walking directions!!! I can’t believe I’m even admitting that I got lost (Saturday, NOT Sunday when I went back!), but just in case anyone else local needs that info about the map, there you go! Waiting for church to start on Sunday, I had just finished telling my friend Whitney about the whole experience. A little while later as my dad began his sermon, he started with a story about getting lost. I immediately turned around and caught Whitney’s eye and we both start quietly giggling. This has happened more than once: I don’t know what my Dad is preaching on, but we somehow, end up on the same wavelength. 😉

Walking was not good yesterday either, however, I managed. This morning I had to go to my primary care doctor to get bloodwork done before a physical next week. He moved offices from the last time I saw him. Well, I guess you can imagine what happened next. Yes, I got lost. I knew the building he was in, but the parking confused me. I ended up parking in the correct garage, just on the opposite side of where his office is at. I’m glad there was no set appointment time that I had to be there at, but seriously, my sense of direction is non-existent. I’ve got to laugh about it, or I’d cry. But now I know where I’m going and (hopefully) won’t get lost on Monday. Does anyone else struggle with this? Getting lost? Thank God for GPS systems and written out directions, but still. A little sense of direction would be helpful. I’m a little jealous of those that have an innate sense of direction. My mom is one of those people. She can even sense when she’s not going the right way. Me? Not so much.

Other than getting lost and not walking so well, the past week has been great. It really has! I don't say that lightly. I'm very aware that things could be much worse and so I'm very thankful for all that God blesses me with.

As I sit here tonight writing this post, I’m reminded of this:

I only get through the rough days because God gets me through them. I am constantly amazed at the end of the day how He works everything out. I shouldn’t be amazed – He’s God and can do literally ANYTHING, but at the same time, I’m thankful that He allows me to be amazed at what He’s done for me.

God’s (most certainly, definitely!!) Got This!

Tune-In-Tuesday: September 10, 2019

I didn’t blog last week because things were hectic around here and honestly, I couldn’t come up with anything to write about. But, I’m back this week! I’ve had a good couple of weeks. Walking – for the most part – has been stable for which I’m very grateful.

I was speaking with someone last Friday and in the course of the conversation, I told her about my ongoing issues regarding getting “shy” or “embarrassed” or just plain having difficulty walking “correctly” in front of people. And although many before her have told me this (you reading this probably being one of them!), for whatever reason, it wasn’t until she said it that it finally started to sink in. She said that when she sees me walk, she sees just that – me walking. There’s no, “Oh she’s walking, but it’s different then everyone else.” Or “What’s wrong with her walking?” Or “She’s having difficulty." This person also told me that she sees me as a (literal) walking miracle. It almost made me cry. I should know that most people just see me for me, because that's how I see others. However, I have a HORRIBLE habit of putting thoughts and words in other people that they may or may not be thinking or saying. Does that make sense? I judge myself harshly through what I think other people are thinking or saying about me, whether they are actually thinking or saying those things or not. I'm getting better at not doing this, but it's still prevalent. My heart needs to tell my head NOT to overthink things. I still get extremely nervous walking in front of people and it makes me laugh because growing up I wanted to be an actress. I wanted the lights on me, and I wanted people to know who I was. My how things change with age (and hopefully, wisdom)!

I sometimes feel funny about blogging about how difficult it is to walk when friends of mine are going through unimaginable circumstances, however I do hope that I make someone laugh or think or feel better through something I say or do or write about.

On Sunday, I found out that I am not the only one who prays about getting a parking spot close to the entrance of church! You may laugh at that, but I’m not lying when I say that I pray about that very thing almost every Sunday. And last Sunday, someone told me that she prays for the exact same thing for herself. I love how God works. Also, on Sunday, I got to walk in to church with a woman that I dearly love. She made the comment that I was walking well. I told her it was only because she was standing there by me. I knew if I needed to that I could hang on to her! As for the praying, I usually pray that I’ll get a handicap parking space close to the entrance and that if I need help getting in that God would provide that or if He thinks I can do it on my own that I will just walk well. I pray walking in to and out of work that I won’t trip, slip or fall, get stuck, startled or scared and that I’ll remain upright. And now you have a tiny glimpse into how much I pray about not falling. 😉 Yes, I can use the cane, but that wouldn’t entirely keep me from falling – nothing’s fool proof, except God!

As just a little follow up: my shoulder pain is still there but it’s not all the time and it really only hurts the worse when I lay on it (like rolling over on it) at night, so I’m really leaning towards it being something related to the dystonia. I'll have the doctor look at it when I go in at the end of the month.

I love this quote that I found for it is most certainly true:

God’s Got This!! Have a blessed week.

Tune-In-Tuesday: August 27, 2019

I think I’ve mentioned this on the blog before, but since it’s been bothering me again this past week, I’m writing about it again. Of all things, my shoulder has been causing me problems. Mostly, I talk about my walking on here, but alas, it’s my shoulder this time. The reason I’m writing about it here is because I think it might have something to do with the dystonia. I could be completely wrong (after all, I’m not an M.D. – ha!), but it’s my left shoulder (the left side of my body is where the dystonia is), and it’s on the side that I have the battery inserted for the deep brain stimulation system (which carries with it wires). Anyway, it aches. It’s not a stabbing pain. It might not be the dystonia at all though. I broke my collar bone when I was born. Yes – when I was born. I was literally born broken 😉 (There’s a metaphor in there somewhere!). I asked my parents once which side I broke, and they couldn’t remember, but they think it was my left side. (There are no pictures of me in a sling or anything, so did this even happen?!?!) So, maybe it’s arthritis? I could have messed it up doing yoga. I could have messed it up just being myself. 😉 My dilemma is this: I don’t want to go to the doctor about it when I already have a planned physical at the end of September. So, instead of doing the responsible thing and going to the doctor, I’m writing about it here. 😊 The weird thing is, it doesn’t hurt every day - which kind of leads me to believe that it is due to either dystonia or arthritis – neither of which my primary care doctor can really do anything about, so I’ll stop complaining and just wait until I see him in September. (It took me 323 words to complain about that!). Interestingly enough, my shoulder is NOT hurting today, but it was yesterday.

Another thing that I’ve mentioned on here before, but that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately is the yips. A guy I go to church with asked me a while ago if I had ever heard of the yips. I had, but didn’t really know what it was, so he explained. It’s really in reference to golfing (which I know NOTHING about. My favorite golfing is putt-putt 😊), but the concept can be related to anything really. The definition of yips according to the dictionary is “a state of extreme nervousness that causes a golfer to miss an easy putt.” I also got this definition of the yips from Wikipedia: “The yips is the loss of fine motor skills in athletes. The condition occurs suddenly and without apparent explanation, usually in mature athletes with years of experience. It is poorly understood and has no known treatment or therapy.” So, in my case I relate it to walking fine and then “feeling” someone staring at me (whether they really are or it’s just a figment of my imagination) and instantly having issues walking again. Dystonia is definitely physical, but I definitely have “yips” moments.

I found this quote on the Internet and I love it:

To put a Christian spin on it: I am so, so very grateful for everything that God has, is and will see me through - half of which I probably have no idea He's saved me from! So, I'm sorry I've been complaining in this post. I feel like this was a bummer blog entry, but I’m really not in a bummer mood. The last week has been pretty good. I didn’t fall. I didn’t have any massive issues. So, please don’t get the idea that I’m all depressed over here because I am not! It’s just that sometimes I have to write about the “bummer” things so that I have a record of them. God’s been good, is good and continues to be good to me every single day. His mercies are new every morning and at the end of every day, I look back on what He’s seen me through during the day and I am so very thankful.

As always…God’s Got This!

Tune-In-Tuesday: August 20, 2019

It's been a good week! I relish the days that walking comes easier and this past week, walking has been easier. I savor those days and try to remember them on the days where walking is really, really hard.

I do have to tell a rather funny story that happened this past Sunday. I was taking my time (as I do ALL the time - ha!) getting into church. I was walking by myself and though it wasn't without issue, I was doing well. A fellow church-goer came up beside me and we started talking. By this time it was just a couple minutes before 9:30am church time, or in my case (and the gentleman I was walking and talking with) 15 minutes before Sunday School time. So we're walking and talking and there's no one behind us in the walkway until there were! I could hear people behind me, so I stopped and turned around (because I can't fluidly do that at the same time without losing my balance.) I don't know where all these people came from but it felt like 50 people were behind us! So, I immediately hopped out of the way and told everyone behind me just to pass me. I greeted a lot of people that morning as they passed me. :) And it's just another example of how slow I walk. But I walk. My gait's different, but I walk. I can't do things automatically, but I walk. Sometimes I fall (not this last week!), but I get back up. I am blessed. Yes, most certainly blessed.

I found a few sayings on Facebook that friends of mine shared and I thought I'd share them here as well.
This one hit me deep:

I'm still praying for a miracle - that I'll be able to walk without issue, but God's ways are not always my ways and maybe He's trying to teach me something in the waiting for a miracle. So, yeah, this one stopped me in my tracks.

This next one just made me laugh and also comforted me at the same time:

Thank you, God for factoring in my stupidity!! :)

No matter what, God is good. No matter what, God's Got This!

Tune-In-Tuesday: August 13, 2019

This past week has been good. Walking was easier and I’m thankful. Then yesterday and today came and I’m back to struggling a little more – oh well! Sometimes there is no rhythm or reason. It is what it is.

Most, if not all of you that read this blog, know that my dad is a pastor. I hope he doesn’t get mad at me for talking about him in this post, but he had a sermon this past Sunday that I’m still chewing on. The title was “The Remedy for Anxiety” based on Luke 12:22-34. It was really, really good and I’m not just saying that because he’s my dad. I promise! I felt so at peace after hearing it because God’s Got This! I was trying to just pick one or two verses to post here from the Luke passage but they are all SO GOOD. So, I’m going to have to include ALL of them:

“[Jesus] said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. (23) For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. (24) Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! (25) And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? (26) If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? (27) Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. (28) But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! (29) And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. (30) For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. (31) Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you. (32) Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. (33) Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. (34) For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”

My dad’s the pastor, not me, so if you’d like to hear his sermon from Sunday you can listen to it here: The Remedy For Anxiety 
I promise, it’s worth the listen. I was overwhelmed with God’s peace after hearing it, so I want to share it with you.

Like I said earlier, my week has been pretty good. I did injure myself though. My first thought after doing it was, “You didn’t even fall!” 😉 I injured myself working out – haha! Someone (who shall remain nameless) was at my house on Friday and asked if they could sit on my stationary bike. I said yes, but in the process of sitting on it, they adjusted the seat. So, when I went to workout on Saturday, I forgot that the seat had been moved and I ended up slamming my knee into the console and man, did it hurt! It bled too. But, I’m OK! It still hurts, but it’s getting better!

I think that’s it for this week. I’m blessed no matter what and I know without a shadow of a doubt that, God’s Got This!