It's fitting that I'm writing this "Tune-in-Tuesday" today (Saturday), as I woke up this morning and was convinced it was Tuesday. I was going over in my mind what meetings I had and what I had to do and then it struck me that it was actually Saturday, and I could sleep in - haha! I haven't updated in over a month, so I thought I'd do that today.
I'm all in my feels today. I went to the funeral of a friend's mom earlier today and then came home and watched another funeral online and so, at home, by myself, I've just let myself cry. It's good to do that from time to time - get a good cleansing cry out. I'm a crier to begin with. It doesn't take much to make me cry. It's dreary out today. It's colder than I like. March is not my favorite month of the year mainly because of March 21. I'm sorry if that's your birthday or anniversary. I am genuinely happy for anyone who celebrates on that day. But we all have our days, right - the ones that are tougher than others?! Mine's March 21 - the day my sister was born and died. So today, I let myself cry.
How did I get on the paragraph above?! I meant to come on here and tell you what's been going on health-wise with me. Emotional health is health too, so the above is not completely off-base. But, on to dystonia. In the month since I've last updated, I've gotten back to "playing" with the settings in my deep brain stimulation device. I was on 3.30 volts of electricity on Group A. I know that means nothing to most of you reading this but writing it in this blog gives me a reminder of where I was at, at any given point. (To that point, I should read my blog posts before I go to the neurologist as a quick reminder of what I've done.) I took myself up to 3.40 volts and remained on Group A. It wasn't enough, but I waited two weeks to see if anything happened. It didn't. So, two weeks after going up to 3.40, I was being impatient and went up two volts to 3.60. Spoiler alert: it proved to be too much. But, again, I waited two weeks on 3.60 to see if things evened out. They didn't. (As a refresher in case you're wondering why I wait for two weeks in between "playing" with the settings, it's because my neurologist said to do that. It takes about that length of time to see what the electricity will do to my body.) This past Tuesday (March 16), I brought the electricity down a notch to 3.50. Now, I feel like it's too little.
SO.FRUSTRATING.
Waiting is the absolute hardest thing for me. I know God's got to be teaching me something, but I don't like it! Waiting, waiting, waiting. I feel like I'm always waiting. I am choosing to grow while I wait. Sometimes I excel at that and sometimes it's a massive failure. It's so very hard, but with God's help, I will grow.
I'm still scheduled to get Botox injections on April 13 (pending insurance approval). Hopefully that, combined with the deep brain stimulation and medication, will help. I've walked without a walker or cane before. I know I will again - I just have to wait on God's perfect timing.
Always remember....God's Got This!
